Ambivalence || JJK ✓

Chapter 44

Her chain of thoughts broke as the seat in front of her sank. He was dressed up like a handsome hunk, the blue tinted shirt suited him well, his hair was slicked back neatly, he had removed his glasses, the piercings were shining brighter than any Dimond. 

He passed to her a smile, a smile which was devoid of emotions. Had he changed so badly? Wasn't he soft anymore? He knew well he could hide that feeling of pain from anyone but her. She could read him like an open book. Yet he tried. He didn't want those feelings to grow again. He wanted to have a moment with her keeping aside any feeling of hate he had. He wanted to talk to her, just like they did on their first meeting. As strangers.

"I am glad you considered my offer", she initiated the conversation, knowing he never would. How could he when he literally knew nothing about her life anymore. He chuckled at her nervousness, dropped his gaze at his lap, and looked back at her with a smile, "I had no reasons to turn it down."

"How have you been?", she spoke again, tucking her hair behind her ears. 

"I guess I already told you that?", he quirked a brow, taking a sip of his wine.

"So.. are you here for some work?", she didn't know what to talk about, but she knew well she didn't want to stop talking.

"Yeah, I came here for some business-related issues."

Wow. That was something new. As far as she could race her mind, he wasn't someone who would go to anyone else's place for business. 

"I.. I am sorry for that day. It was a sudden encounter-"

"I can understand. It's hard to face something you don't like", he cut her off. His words came out as cold, unwillingly piercing her heart. She didn't know why but she didn't like it. She couldn't bring herself to ever say that he was something unlikable for her. How could she? She was head over heels for him, when they were in a relationship.

The atmosphere tensed up; the clock ticked at a pace which felt annoying. She wanted the time to stop, everybody to stop, so that she could keep on staring at him how much she wanted. He cleared his throat, unlocked his watch and placed it on the table, "Are.. Are you here for some work too?"

She titled her head back to face him, breaking the eye contact she had with the huge glass window. Her eyes were so lost, and he was loving that. Her face had that infamous puzzled look, her lips had a small unnoticeable pout, her nose was scrunched up. 

"Ah no, I came here for vacations."

"I.. I am sorry on behalf of my brothers. I am sorry for everything they said, everything they did. I am sorry that you lost your job because of Yoongi hyung", he sounded so sincere, she got lost in his voice.

"It was in the past, it doesn't matter anymore."

Our love-hate relationship was in the past too, doesn't it matter anymore too? 

They were having their food in a comfortable silence. It felt good. They liked the fact that they were enjoying each other's company keeping aside everything they had in the past, they liked it that they were sitting together in comfort, without any arguments, without any curse, without any yelling, just enjoying the silence between them.

It wasn't the same, it was new, it felt good.

Suddenly his phone rang, catching both of their attention. He wiped the corner of his lips, lifting up the phone and excused himself to take the call. She got curious seeing the name of her son. She wanted to talk to him so badly, but she knew she had no right to. It wasn't the time yet.

It felt like ages when he didn't come back, so she got up, ready to search for him. Her eyes gleamed when he saw him standing in the balcony. The winds hit his face, his hair dancing in the. The moonlight partially fell on him, making him look heavenly. He was no doubt the most handsome man she had ever seen. She didn't want to eavesdrop, but she was curious. Will he talk about meeting her to his son? So, she stepped closer, with feathery steps.

"Subin how can you say like that baby? She is your sister, don't fight over that. When dad will come back, I promise I will bring lots of toys. But right now, share them with her, okay? You are dad's good boy, right?"

She felt numb. His words hurt her; her soul was fading away in a speed of light. She felt like she was losing her grip over her life. Her eyes teared up. Her thoughts started to choke her. She didn't know what to do. She felt betrayed, not by someone else but herself. How was she still not over him when he had moved on?

She was standing there still, lost in her thoughts, with eyes dwelling with tears. She felt her heart crumbling to pieces. 

"Y/N?", he called he out, walking closer to her. His forehead creased and brows furrowed looking at her face. Why was she crying? He held her by her shoulders bringing her out of her thoughts. She tried to quickly blink away the tears and turned her face to the right. But he had already seen those tears. It was of no use to hide them from him. 

"Why are you crying?", he cooed softly, holding her chin, making her face him. And the moment she did, he saw how badly her lips were quivering, how badly she was trying to hold back her sobs.

"Y-You have a daughter now?", her voice came out as a whisper. He was taken by surprise, suddenly feeling knots.

"H-Huh? N-No. I don't. I only have a son."

"Then what sister are you talking about huh? Do you think I am a fool?"

Suddenly he burst into laughter, making her frown. He left her shoulder, took a step back and cupped his cheeks, "Oh my god. Do you still have a habit of jumping on to conclusions? I thought- I thought you let it go with our relationship Y/N.

I don't have any daughter. She is the daughter of my friend. She lost her father last year, so I took the responsibility of treating her like my daughter. I fulfill the responsibilities of her father."

She felt a weird sensation in her heart. She suddenly felt so proud of him. But suddenly his words hit her, 'let it go with our relationship'.

So, he actually had let go of everything they had between them. They had no chances of getting together because he had moved on. Well, it was good for both of them in a way. Wasn't it? She sighed internally. She had hurt him enough, and if now this would make him happy can't she do it? She had loved him enough to let him go. Just like he did. She knew she can't let go of him so easily, she can't move on so easily like he did, but was there any other option left? If she'd beg him, it would be wrong. She can't. She shouldn't.

"Jungkook", she called out to him softly, he hummed, staring out of the balcony, "I should get going now."

~

He had the sudden urge to crumble every nerve in his body as he saw her going in her room, with that guy. The same guy he had seen that day, rather every day. He felt disheartened, weak, pathetic, awful. 

Hadn't he decided to not cry over something as petite as this? 

He had promised to never make himself feel less worthy, especially if it's something related to her. 

He had promised to never commit the same mistake twice, yet he couldn't stop his thoughts. 

He didn't cry, but his heart could feel the pain. 

He could feel everything he didn't want to.

He was still a human being no matter how much he tried to show everyone that he was strong.

Only he knew how weak he was when it came to her. 

He couldn't bear the pain of seeing her with someone else. He just couldn't.

Not only him, but it was also the same for her. 

How could you move on so easily when I am still stuck with you in my head?