you look so cool. (matty healy)

forty-five

I don't know why I'm so nervous to talk to Matty about this, I mean ot's ridiculous. It's really nothing more than an old friend, who I just happened to fuck a couple of times. I just know how Matty gets, he's jealous and protective sometimes to a fault, and I know it's out of love, but I'm really not looking for another fight right now. We approach our room and he slides out his room key, and opens our door. Still hand in hand we walk over to the bed before he falls onto the bed, pulling me down with him. With me on top of him now he covers my neck and jaw in quick, small kisses, leaving me giggling and teasingly pushing him away.

"Matty," I say through a smile. "Hmmm I'm busy," he mumbles back as he continues to kiss all over my chest. "Matty, I love you, but please I gotta tell you something," I say back. He stops, and scoots away from me a bit, but still holding my hand, tracing small circles on the back of my palm. "I'm listening Lu," he says as he continues to play with my fingers and rings.  

"Um, so I didn't mention this just now with George and Charli, but I got a phone call this morning from an old friend," I say as Matty's face hardens a bit, I can tell the wheels in his head are spinning. "His name is Zack, and he uh owns a record label, it's called Ever Turned, it's pretty big," I continue as Matty continues to stare blankly, avoiding eye contact with me, and instead focusing on the blanket. "I applied to work for him a couple years back. I actually got a job with him, but I turned it down because I would have to move to LA and I wans't ready to leave London so soon after my Dad's passing. Anyway, so I took the job with Alex and obvisouly here I am," I finish with a bit of a nervous laugh. 

"Okay, so why did he call now?" Matty asks me, still not looking straight my way. "Um, well he actually called to offer me a position with him," I say quietly. Now I'm the one who's avoiding looking at Matty. I see his head look up my way, "what," he says in a bit of surprise. "Yeah," I reply. "You tell this Zack to fuck off?" Matty asks me. "What?" I ask him, surprised he would be so against this. "You're not leavin' us, right Luna? I mean we just started this tour and we're getting big. You can't ditch now." Matty says with some bitterness. I take a deep breath before continuing, "Matty, I didn't decline or accept the job, but you have to hear me out here." At hearing this he sits up in bed, dropping my hand onto the comforter. "What the fuck do you mean you didn't say no?" He asks me accusingly.

"I mean that I didn't say no, Matty," I reply sharply. "Zack is offering me a position I've only ever dreamed of, I mean do you even fucking care? I mean this would be huge for my career," I say. "He asked me to be the Director of Communications and Tour Management, I mean I'd fucking be in charge, on the executive board and everything." I say. Matty looks ahead towards the wall, "so you're gonna take it," he replies quietly. "I don't know," I reply back honestly. 

"I mean you fucking sound set on it," Matty shoots back. "Thank you Matty, thank you for being so fucking supportive. Thank you for being excited for me, excited that I would get an offer this big," I say back to him with a sarcastic laugh. "Fucking hell, I fucking thought you would be so excited for me, I'm a fucking idiot, you only care about yourself," I shoot back at him. "Fuckin' call me selfish for wanting you around, fuck you Luna," he yells back to me. "Fuck you, Matty. But you're right, fuck me. Fuck me for thinking you'd be happy for me," I shout back. 

He pulls out a joint from his pants pocket, and lights it. He takes a long draw as we both come down from the fighting. "Matty," I start to say, but Matty cuts me off. "Luna. I'm so fucking happy for you, really I am, but I don't want to lose you again. You're everything to me and I can't imagine doing this without you. And this is even all about us being together, you're a fucking genius. I mean this tour wouldn't have become what it was without you, Lu." He says to me. "I know, Matty, but I mean this is my career. I love you, and I love the guys, but I have to think in terms of my life. This is a huge opportunity," I say. "I know. I know it is," Matty says as he stands up off the bed and walks towards the door. "Matty," I say, hoping he'll come back. But he doesn't, he walks out without even looking back. The door slams loudly behind him, and it feels like the room is vibrating in response.