all our stars, bench trio

chapter twenty-five

CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

september 1, 2021

warning for some arguing and some kind of overall heavy emotions

"Giulia, this sounds hype as shit. You're the best," I gush.

Giulia laughs. "You know we're not done, right? All I did was add drums behind it."

"I know, but like. Still."

Giulia smirks and runs the track over again. They focus on the nuances of the music, like she's trying to build a Greek temple with only her mind.

Toby frowns. "Can I record that verse again? I sound flat."

"Yeah, sure," Giulia says, "I think you sounded fine, but you can give it a go anyway."

Everyone shuts up for long enough for Toby to sing through that verse.

"Milemarkers, milestones, take what we like and let it show that we've experienced the high times and the lows"

"Nutrients will come and go, our loyalties won't move"

"Appreciation's what we're chasing, what we're chasing's far and few"

Giulia stops the recording. "That was great, Toby."

"Thank you, Giulia," he grins, popping the syllables of thank you. My phone buzzes in my back pocket. I assume it's a text, so I start to leave it for later, but four more buzzes come, so I take out my phone. I don't recognize the number, and it's not in my contacts. I leave the room and answer the call.

"Hello?"

"Hi." My heart drops. It's Samantha.

"Uh, Sam. Hi. What's... what's up? You kinda gave me a scare with the new number."

"Oh. Yeah, I'm sorry for that. Uh... are you all good? With the stuff on Twitter?"

The sigh comes deep and heavy. "I lost some followers, but yes, I'm fine. Listen, Sammie, that was over a month ago, so I need you to be honest. What is this about?"

I can hear her recoil.

"I broke up with my boyfriend."

I force passiveness into my voice. "I'm sorry to hear that."

"June, please don't do this. Don't shut me out right now."

The words "don't shut me out" make my neck twitch. "Samantha, I don't think you get to tell me not to shut you out when you ghosted me for two months, broke up with me, and then a year later tell everyone on fucking Twitter, of all places, without even asking me, even though you knew exactly how it'd go over for the both of us. You put me in a position in which if I didn't have more respected people to stand up for me, I'd have been ripped into shreds. So, honestly, Samantha, you don't get to call me unsolicited, asking me if I'm okay like this is something neither of us could have predicted. If you have something to say, spit it out." The words feel like venom on my tongue, but something in my diaphragm slowly starts to unravel.

There's a count of six beats before Sam says, "I miss you, okay, June? I miss my best friend. Please, let's just talk it out. We can meet up somewhere. Out for coffee, or something. I want my best friend back." She's pleading with me. Samantha Wiley is pleading with me.

"I'm not even in America," I tell her. "If you wanted your best friend back so badly, you could've apologized."

"I'm sorry." I'm going to scream.

"Samantha, listen. You're a year late, and I'm not about to fuck everything I've got going on for myself right now. I'm not dropping everything to try and make up with someone I've already let leave. Did you know how lonely it was when you first left? I had four friends. One was my cousin, and he only visited a few times a year, another was you, and the other one fucking died. The last was Giulia, and she's here with me right now because it turns out, she's probably the only friend that's stuck with me."

"What, is she your girlfriend now?" I can hear her trying to be biting.

"Samantha, are you fucking kidding me right now? That's not your goddamn business. Giulia is my best friend, and you don't get to pretend like this is going to be a wolf fight where the two of you fucking battle it out. Giulia isn't so shitty as to come after you, and you're not going to come after her either. You've had your fucking chance."

"It's never going to be anyone else but you, June."

Another 6-count pause as I recollect myself. "Samantha, I don't know if that was supposed to be romantic, but I don't know if I could make it more clear that I'm not interested. I've got shit to do, Sam, I've gotta go. Don't call me again." I hang up, and with shaky hands, I open the doorknob to re-enter the room. Everyone is pretending like they weren't just staring at me through the door.

I groan. "You guys can stop pretending you weren't listening. I know this door isn't soundproof."
"We weren't listening," Tommy lies through his teeth, and he's not convincing at all, but it's an endearing effort.

"You guys are shit liars," I force out a laugh, returning to my seat next to Ranboo. He gives me a look like he feels really sorry for me, which makes me kind of want to hurl. I must be making a face, though, because he drops the look and simply holds out an arm, offering a hug. I don't go straight in, but I wrap my arm around their back and press the sides of our bodies together. He lets me rest my head on their shoulder. I like Ranboo. He never forces me into hugs like my extended family at Christmas. Tommy hooks up his electric guitar and plays out the instrumental. It takes a couple takes to get something that works soundwise, but the song is coming together. We play the whole thing over a couple times, just to soak in the awe of knowing this is ours.

Giulia's head snaps up straight near the end of the second repetition. She's had an idea.

"Giulia? What's going on in your head?"
"You guys all know the chorus?"
"Of course we do, mate. We just listened to this song a dozen times over," Tommy says.

"Can we all sing through it? If it doesn't sound good, I can take it out, but I wanna see how it sounds. Toby, you probably don't need to sing in this one, since yours is the main voice."
Toby looks a little disappointed, but he gives a thumbs-up and steps back. Giulia runs the track and starts recording. We all gather 'round the microphone and start to sing:

"And as we grow older, we won't feel all this weight, we build strength through consequence, each season's a theme for what take's place"

"We don't celebrate controversy, my heart's flaring it's disgrace, I'm not here to let you go, apart this life, just doesn't taste much like the place that I once knew without you"

Giulia lays our vocals beneath Toby's. It's not too bad for the first take. The sound's been elevated for sure, but something is missing.

"Guys, I really like this, but I'm going to run this again, alright?" Giulia instructs. "Let's try and put more energy into this take. Think like you're at a concert." We run it again.

a/n: hey everyone!! i want to warn everyone because the next chapter has some really heavy themes (cancer, death) so please be safe and careful!!

i love all of you a lot, 

- patchyshack