Why Now?

Chapter Two

The silence between us was uncomfortable, and a part of me hated that. It had been so long since I had been around him and I wasn't used to feeling like this when neither of us were saying anything. "So how are you?" Eli asked.

That was a loaded question, "I'm okay." I told him with a small smile. Liar. "How about you?" A part of me that was still holding onto the hurt told me not to ask, but I knew it was rude not to.

He nodded slightly, "I'm okay."

Again there was that uncomfortable silence. I hated it. The air around me seemed to want to suffocate me with how thick the tension between the two of us was. With all of the quiet, I found myself looking down and picking at the croissant I had gotten and eating the tiny pieces that had come apart. Eli cleared his throat as if he had something he was going to say, and I looked back up at him. He was staring right at me. He looked so... lost. There was this look of longing and guilt on his face, and it was as if he didn't know where to go from there. He lied too, I thought to myself.

"I just really wanted you to know how sorry I am. And I know I already apologized, but it doesn't feel like it's enough. I was way out of line and handled my emotions horribly. And I understand if you don't want to or can't forgive me, but at the very least you deserve an apology."

I studied him for a moment as I thought of the best way to reply to him. "Thank you, I appreciate it."

At that, he looked a bit dejected. As if he had hoped that I would accept his apology. He hid it quickly though. Seeing him like this was difficult. Eli had always been so confident, so sure of himself. Witnessing him attempt to navigate through this situation was rattling. I felt a little smug in that he brought it on himself, but I couldn't hide the fact that I still cared for him even though I was trying so hard to keep my walls up. "I was hoping we could maybe catch up?"

I took a deep breath. I wanted to do that, but I also didn't know how to navigate through this. I didn't know how to be around him without feeling vulnerable. If I wanted to continue communicating with him, I had to figure out a way to do so without giving too much away. "Okay. Where would you like to start?"

He seemed hesitant to ask, but eventually spoke up, "how have you really been?"

At first, I didn't want to answer honestly and wanted to stick with the same answer from earlier, but something in me told me not to, "honestly struggling, but that's nothing new. And you?"

"I've been going through some stuff, but I'm glad we're talking," Eli said, and I didn't know what to say in response. So I didn't. "How have classes been? I haven't seen you around much."

"They're good. I took a break in the Spring semester, but I am taking courses online for this one. Things have been a bit busy. How's basketball?"

"Practice started up again recently; so far so good. Work going well?"

"Uhh... I quit a while ago. Things were pretty bad for a little bit and I couldn't handle it. If classes go well this semester, I'm going to try to get something working from home I think." I told him. I had enough money saved to pay off rent, and bills, and to get whatever I needed for Callie until a couple of months into the next year, but I needed to have something going before I ran out of money. I wondered if I had said too much about it.

His brows furrowed, "really? Why from home?"

"Things are really busy at home, and it's better if I'm there most of the time," I told him simply.

Something seemed to click in his head, "your sister?"

That shocked me and caused a stabbing pain to course through me. How did he remember that? It happened so fast that I didn't think he would catch it. I cleared my throat, trying to prepare myself. I looked down at my lap and pushed a strip of hair that had fallen out of my hair tie behind my ear. "Um, yeah. I have to take care of her a lot."