Street Lights || Sim Jake

33 ¦ Mixed Up

Timeskip:

"Sure everything is alright?"

Melissa was sitting across from me and we were in the cafeteria. I merely nodded and rubbed my face once. No matter how confused I had been.... After Jake's little lecture, I only seemed more confused. Not because I didn't know what he meant. I had quickly figured out what he was trying to address and what was only killing me more at the moment was how I even felt and for god damn who?

Heeseung... Jake...

Everything got mixed up in my head and I no longer know which signals and opinions I should hold on to.

The Spaniard was just a few tables away, chatting with his friends. Outwardly, you didn't seem to be able to notice anything on him. Me, on the other hand, you could see that something was bothering me. This something was myself.

"You can always talk to me. You know that, right?" The brown-head brought me out of my thoughts again and I smiled gratefully back at her. "Yes, thank you. And you don't have to worry about it. Just haven't been sleeping well and questioning my existence. The usual."

My best friend took my joke in stride and showed me with a nod that she knew it quite well. "Do you have plans tonight?" I shook my head. I didn't have to go to Sim today and really I just wanted to go see Abuela, but that wouldn't last all evening.

"Going to the hospital around 8pm. Abuela has her surgery soon." Pleased that my grandmother would be better in the near future, Melissa clapped her hands and suggested that we do something together beforehand.

It took me a while to be able to answer her, as hazel eyes met mine before burning into me briefly and then quickly letting go of me. I swallowed...

"You got it, let's ask Jay if he can come too?", I added to Melissa's idea of going out to eat together. "We can do that. But I'm sure he still has practice." I remembered yesterday's team meeting and the Korean had not been there.

"He'll have time." Nodding, my best friend agreed and then turned her attention to her snacks, which she had gotten for a not-so-cheap price, which meant Liam wasn't working at the kiosk today.

Heeseung's gray hair made its way into my field of vision and I rubbed my temples, for directly I thought of Jake's words again. My confusion was confusing him. I was giving false signals from me, which I took to mean that the Spaniard had developed feelings for me.

I felt a chill run down my spine as I thought of his warm touches. At the same time, Heeseung's dark eyes rang in my mind. Inside me was pure chaos. My stomach tingled and I could no longer distinguish for which of the two this prevailed.

It was clear to me that this was not normal and in me definitely something went wrong. Actually, I was always aware of my feelings, but at the moment a hurricane was chasing around inside me.

Based on my strong personality and independence, I believed that I could handle it all myself, but something inside me whispered that I should talk to someone about it. A second, outside perspective that could neutrally contribute their opinion. That would help me a lot...

TimeSkip:

"Thank you," I said kindly as I accepted my plate. This one smelled wonderful and my mouth only began to drool more as I caught sight of the beef steak, roasted medium.

"Enjoy your meal." The waiter smiled politely at us, which he probably had to. All three of us nodded and picked up our cutlery. Jay had actually said yes and joined us right after practice. We hadn't really had to wait long for him.

The brown-head was almost drooling over her burger and Jay was already nibbling on his spare ribs. I couldn't wait any longer and was cutting into my filet when the idiot next to me dropped his fork on the table surface.

"My God, Jay... You know how jumpy I am," I grumbled, chewing and looking playfully pissed at Jay. He innocently shrugged his shoulders and pulled his plate closer. "Sorry..."

We all indulged in our food and I closed my eyes with relish as the taste washed off my tongue. Food is love. Food is life.

"We should have invited Jake, too," came a sudden chuckle from the smacking Jay, and my brown eyes opened again. "He's got a lot of things going on right now," I quickly stated, shutting the subject down right away.

"If you mean the race.... I have just as much to deal with." I shook my head as I took a sip of my water. "Even at the restaurant." The Korean nodded his understanding and looked to Melissa, who was fully focused on her burger.

Thanks to Jay, I was thinking about Jake again, and I would love to give him hell for it, because up until earlier I had been able to distract myself well. I couldn't avoid it...

Sighing, I leaned into my chair and looked at Melissa until she realized I was asking for her attention. When she finally realized this too, she cleaned her mouth with a napkin and looked at me, waiting.

"Can you confuse one's feelings?" Jay listened to me as well and tilted his head when he couldn't follow my question. "In what way?" asked Melissa.

"I mean, Heeseung loves Aleyshia. But now he comes crawling to me all the time. Could it be that he's now telling himself he's in love with me? Is he confusing his feelings?" Jay nodded and took a sip of his iced tea.

"That would be really stupid. How ungifted can you possibly be to not be able to evaluate your own feelings?" I shrugged my shoulders and squinted at my plate for a moment.

"Hey!" Melissa gave Jay a warning look and waved it off. "You don't have to be untalented. I tend to think Heeseung is just more than confused. He's hurt, and he's probably just longing for someone to help him heal."

Sometimes I really wondered where her wisdom came from.

"Which doesn't give him the right to take advantage of you, though," the brown-haired girl added, taking another bite of her burger. "I think confusion sums it up pretty well," I muttered, scratching the back of my neck.

I was confused... I'd mentioned that too many times, but it was the only thing I could decipher at the moment.

"Do you feel sorry for Heeseung?", I then asked, quickly getting off the topic of feelings again. "Sure, he got dumped, but what he brought to you is really unacceptable."

Jay looked serious, trying to gauge my reaction. But since I didn't move at all, he continued. "I just hope we can get the old Heeseung back. Because the way he's acting now, I don't know what to think about it."

A/N: Same Jay same...