Star Side

Chapter 38

Without meaning to, he let out a low, pained keen.

"Gilrack?"

His beloved turned around, her smooth eyebrows high in concern.

"Are you okay?"

He looked into her eyes, wondering just how much of his body language she could understand. Even that was different between their two people. How much did she even understand him? Could she even feel his mind waves as he could hers?

Instinctually, he pulled back his walls, letting his distress flow over to her. She was still his mate, after all. Even if she didn't realize it, he needed her now. He needed the gentle intelligence of his female.

Something like relief eased the pain in his stomach as her brow did the furrow he recognized as concern. She backtracked down the hallway to him, and it took everything in him not to reach out and draw her to him. He couldn't alarm her. If she couldn't remember, he was back to not knowing what touch was okay and what wasn't.

Thankfully, the dead-eyed male had left them to do whatever work he had in the station.

He did, however, let himself bow his face to draw closer to her smell. He sought comfort, but the smell also reminded him of just what he might lose, and that made his entire insides tighten back up in pain.

He would die. She would reject him and he would die. Or worse, he wouldn't die.

At his second keen, she reached out, and he happily met them half-way with his cheek. The ethereal softness or her skin, so utterly perfect for holding their hatchlings, made his heart break further.

No. He couldn't do this. He couldn't. He had to persuade her, had to prove himself a perfect mate before explaining. He had to give her some reason to hesitate, had to have some change of survival.

Her thumb stroked the circle beneath his eye and he sighed, letting his eyes close.

But how? How could he prove himself an able provider and protector in this sterile world of the divine beings, where they controlled everything so perfectly? There were no prey to catch, no stone to dig dens, no bioluminescent moss to cultivate along its walls. There were no jewels, no gleaming metals of the deep, no hot springs to reroute to their den for the perfect bath, no kind family to introduce her to, no furred creatures to make blankets or fluff flowers to weave décor. There wasn't even any trees or plants to weave baskets for holding hatchlings.

He turned his face to press it in her little hand, wishing, for the first time, that it was bigger so he could hide himself.

Jolene's mind waves heightened sharply with deepening alarm. Her concern had a faintly sour taste.

"Gilrack? What's wrong?"

I love you, he thought, wishing to every star that she somehow heard the words in his mind waves. I love you, I can't live without you, but I have nothing to make you stay.

But, even as his breath shuddered, he held his legs fast. He could not be overwhelmed. He could not lose here. Giving up would mean instant failure, and he couldn't accept that.

So, after allowing himself to breathe, steadying his blood, smoothing his aching spines, he lifted his face to meet her beautiful, earthy gaze.

"I cannot say yet," he said. "Have no words."

Even a half-lie tasted bitter on his tongue to his mate.

She looked at him for a second longer, as though hoping to read the unspoken words on his face, but eventually nodded.