Red - Depressed Kirishima x Bakugo

~Chapter Eighteen~

I didn't want to get out of bed the next morning. If I stayed in bed, and never started the day, it'd never end and tomorrow would never come, right?

I wish that's how it worked. I wish that's how the world worked.

The day was spent isolating myself, dreading what was to come in the next twenty-four hours. I Didn't even bother looking at my phone, even though I knew Mina, Kaminari, and Sero were probably trying to get a hold of me. They were worried about me. I can't say I blame them.

I did eventually get up and moving, it wasn't until around noon that I did so though. I got dressed, went downstairs, ate, and then headed to the park. The same park Kirishima and I went to.

I sat at the top of one of the structures. It was the same one Kirishima and I had sat on. I thought back to that day. The day he'd asked me if I ever thought about suicide.

It really never crossed my mind. Not until he left me.

I really should have tried to get him to talk more.

I shouldn't have let the conversation die so easily.

I should've figured out what was going on right then and there.

Maybe then I could've saved him.

Maybe then he'd still be here with me.

I hate that he's not here. Why couldn't I have done more? Why didn't I do more to help him?

~~~

When I eventually decided to go back to the dorms, Mina, Kaminari, and Sero were sitting in the common area.

"Where the hell have you been? We were about ready to tell Mr.Aizawa and get a search party going." Mina said. Her eyes were red and puffy, she'd been crying.

"Sorry. I didn't realize my phone was going off. I was at the park." I said. I had it turned on silent.

"It's fine, just let someone know next time. Please?" She looked up into my eyes. I just nodded in response. She then clung onto me, as if she was a kid. It took me by surprise but I hugged her back and held her in my arms.

"Today's been rough on all of us, huh?" She said quietly.

"Yeah..." I responded. We stood there for a few more minutes. Neither of us wanted to let go. It was comforting to have someone there.

I'll forever be thankful for her, and for Kaminari and Sero. They were the ones keeping me going. They were all I had left.

As much as I wanted to keep isolating, Mina wouldn't let me. She encouraged me to stay down in the common area with them, keep my mind busy. I was hesitant, but I decided to go with it. I knew they'd either keep blowing up my phone or knocking on my door if I didn't.

We spent the night watching movies, playing games, and talking. We all skipped over any conversation about what was coming the next morning. We didn't want to talk about it.

When I eventually headed up to bed, I couldn't fall asleep. The only things on my mind were him and suicide.

I wanted to be with him. Living without him, even for this short amount of time, has been hell. An absolute living hell.

I laid there and cried, contemplating killing myself to be with him. I eventually settled on just cutting. Not that cutting is a good coping mechanism, but it was better than suicide. Anything is better than suicide, right?

I sat in the bottom of the dry tub, grabbed my razor, and sliced away at my arms as I cried. All I could do was cry.

I watched as blood dripped into the bottom of the tub. It was bright red and flowed easily from the cuts.

When that wasn't distracting my mind anymore, I cleaned up the bathtub and my arms and went and sat at my desk. I saw the extra rope from when we made the bracelets.

Do it.

A little voice in the back of my head spoke. I listened to it. I took the rest of the extra rope, braided the two colors together to make it stronger, and then tied it into a noose.

I wasn't planning on using it...not at that moment, I wasn't anyways. Once it was tied, I hid it in my closet. I knew what would happen if anyone found it. A long conversation, I'd get scolded, maybe they'd throw me into a psych ward.

It was going on three in the morning. I decided to call Deku.

"Kacchan? What's wrong?" He asked in his half asleep state.

"Ground beta?"

"I'll be there in ten." He said before hanging up. I threw on a pair of shorts and a t-shirt and headed over. Deku was there waiting for me when I got there. I originally wanted to come over here to fight, to let off some pent up energy, but the moment I saw Deku I broke down. He was a familiar, safe person.

"Kacchan?" Deku came over to me and pulled me into his arms.

"I miss him." I cried.

"I know you do. We all do. It'll be okay."

"No it won't. Nothing is the same without him." I cried into his shoulder. He wasn't sure what else he could say to help me.

We were silent for a while, except for my crying, until he finally decided to mention my arms.

"Why did you do this?" He asked. He grabbed one of my arms, seeing the fresh cuts littered across my skin.

"Because it was better than suicide..." I whispered through my tears. His breathing wavered, as if he was going to start crying too. He wanted to say something, but stopped.

"I'll be fine. I'm going to ask Mr.Aizawa tomorrow for help. I'll be okay..." I said.

"Good. Please don't let it get worse. Please." He said. Tears were falling from his eyes then too.

After a few more moments, we walked back to the dorms, knowing we needed to get some sleep. Deku crashed on my floor again, same as he did the other day.

~Word Count~
~1022~