Rise Up

Chapter 16: Monza, Italy

"Hey, lasagna, huh?" His furrowed brows made me suddenly a bit nervous. It was race weekend and I had just admitted to have had one of the most caloric food of the Italian culture. 

"I swear, I just had a bite and nothing more!" I said, pulling the hands in the air as a sing of giving up. 

"Don't worry, as long as you don't break the car in half."

I loved Fred's sense of humor.

"Listen, I wanted to talk to you a second. Shall we?" He asked, suggesting me to a bit further in the paddock to be able to talk. "Kiara, we've known each other for a while now, so I got the chance to see how much you're stressed about this race, but you really don't have to, ok?" 

Thanks for the reminding, Fred. 

"You did a great job in the last races, considering the car you have and the fact that you missed the track for two years. You're talented, Kiara, never forget it or dare to doubt it. The whole team believes in you." He patted my back before leaving me with my eyes a bit wet of tears.

"Can you show us to Hamilton?" One of my cousins asked me as soon as I got back in the hospitality. 

 "Oh, mamma mia. Matteo, go away!" 

 "Uff, you're so boring." He murmured.

I left the bags in my room and quickly changed my T-shirt, to wear the polo team wear. Before going out, I checked one last time my phone to see if I got any new texts but nothing.

Lando has been acting a bit strange lately, he seemed... distant. Our last date was perfect, I had no idea of what could have happened in the meanwhile.

"Hey honey, how you doin' today? Ready for some media?" Suz reached me with her strong American accent.

"Well, if ready means that I'm about to break down, then yes, I am." I said, trying to break some tension with my usual auto-irony. 

Something was going on as also my manager seemed a bit down. What the hell was happening?

"Listen Kiara. I've talked to a few people, including your therapist and parents. Franz and I think it will be good for you to go on a track walk with the others before really getting in the car."

I gasped only at the idea.

"I've already told Franz, last time we talked, that I'm not doing this." My stubbornness spoke for me. 

"Please Kiara, think about it. It's for your best. It's better if you try the field by foot before than by car."

I felt my eyes watering. All the flashbacks from the accident, played in front of me. Chills spread through my body, reaching every fibers of muscles. Saying that I was scared was an understatement. But I got what she was trying to tell me.

I brushed both of my hands on my face, drying my eyes and trying to release some stress. After a few minutes I tried to spoke again but it was like the voice was stuck at the knot in the middle of the throat. It took a few sips from my water bottle to be able to say something again. 

"I need Hannah, at least on FaceTime. I want my parents by my side, both of them. You and Mike will come too. I'm not doing this without all of you, I- I can't do this." I pulled my walls down, hugging Susanne so tight that I heard her gasping for air.

"Don't worry, girl. We all got your back, we won't leave you. Not again." She whispered the last two words, as if she was talking more to herself than to me.

I waited more than an hour for everyone to be on track. We actually had to ask FIA for a kind of special permission for my parents, as normal people can't take part to the usual team walk. Before going downstairs, I fixed myself a little in front of the mirror, trying to hide my puffy eyes behind some sunglasses. However it was useless, because when I reached the ground floor, everyone from the team was there, there for me. All the mechanics, engineers, all the guys from the media team, Pierre and his trainer, of course Suz, Mike and my parents as I asked before. Surprisingly also Mick was there, with his team shirt catching the other's attention. Then I spotted Franz and Horner too, next to my cousins, that for once looked serious.

"Hannah is on the phone already. I asked the photographers to leave you alone so there are no paparazzi or hidden cameras anywhere close." 

Wow, she really thought of everything.

My mom came to me and hugged me, caressing my face gently, with all the sweetness that only a mother could have. "You can do it, piccola. I know you will."

And with that, we started our march from the pitlane, as if we were starting the GP. Everyone was chatting around with each other and also with me, trying to make me relax a bit, making me laugh at funny comments or silly jokes but it was almost impossible.

We were alone, like Suz said. The sun was going down slowly but the air around us was still warm. My hands were shaking and all sweaty. My heart was beating fast against my ribcage. The closer I got to that turn, the quicker my heartbeat became.

As we got to the Ascari corner, I felt the breathe being stuck in my throat. Everyone was now silent, as nobody had the courage to say something anymore.

I kept walking alone, in front of the others, with some sort of unusual braveness. Hannah was giving me a speech through the phone, but stopped when she saw me walking to the gravels. I put my sunglasses off my nose, up to my head. My arms were alongside my torso. My legs were shaking so bad that for an instant I thought I was about to fall. I stopped moving when I reached the exact point where my car finished his course after the crash, straight into the barriers.

I still didn't know why, but I felt the need, almost the urge, to sit there and then lay down.

After a time that looked like it lasted an eternity, everyone followed my example, positioning themselves next to me. Exactly in the same position I was, under the car number 21 in that Grand Prix.

I was silently crying and I stopped only  when I realized what I was doing, actually what we were all doing. I got my head a bit up to have a perfect look on the others and I couldn't stop myself from smiling. In a few seconds the smile turned into chuckles and then loud laughs. 

I felt an immediate force trough my veins. Remembering of the terrible position I found myself in that race, made me smile for the first time ever. 

I was alive, I was fine, still on my own legs, surrounding by people who supported me and loved me no matter what, now in a F1 team, ready to finish a freaking season.

Everyone around me, still a bit confused about my reaction, started applauding at me out of nowhere. 

I got up and so did they, cheering and screaming my name, celebrating me as if I've just won the championship, smiling proudly at the big step I've just taken in the long journey of recovering.

Here I was, where everything stopped two years ago, ready for my rise up.