I Hate the Way...

Part 34: "Hold Your Breath"

Hope hears her.

A woman laughing, splashing water just above the surface. It's muffled, as Hope is submerged, but the sound cuts through just enough, bringing Hope back to a moment of her past, forgotten and abandoned behind a red door.

Hope can feel her lungs beginning to compress, but she holds the rope at the end of the dock tightly to keep herself under water for just a moment longer.

She can almost see her.

"Hope, daddy's coming. Let's hide under the water. Hold your breath, 1, 2, 3."

Hope holds her breath, closing her eyes, trying to picture the face behind the voice.

But when she knows she can't hold her breath any longer, pulls on the ropes around her wrists, unknotting them quickly before bringing her head above water and inhaling sharply.

The woman of her fractured memory is her mother.
She knows it.

And she figured out, about two years ago, that anytime she's on the brink of losing consciousness, whether by sleep (which she always struggles with) or by nearly drowning in this case, she gets a snippet of a memory. She unlocks some image or sound of her parents. Something connecting her to the life she lost when her remaining relatives stole her memories.

So, nearly every morning, moments before the sun rises, before anyone wakes, she makes her way out to the dock, and ties herself to the wooden post, just below the surface, until she's forced to give herself some air above the water.

She knows it's dangerous, given that she's not near as invincible as one might assume, but she needs to know what she lost. She's been haunted by their faceless figures and muffled voices for four and a half years.

She wants to remember.

Hope pants for air as she slowly and frustratedly makes her way out of the water, and towards the shore, grabbing her towel to dry off before making her way back up toward the beach house.

She's greeted at the door by Peaches, who barks happily. Hope bends down to pet her as she glances up toward the kitchen, seeing Josie and Lizzie exchanging a glance as they fall silent.

Hope furrows her eyebrows, wrapping her towel around her body since she's only in her swimsuit and she's still wet from being in the ocean, before walking over and grabbing a water from the fridge, "Morning. How'd you both sleep?"

Lizzie nods, "Good."

Josie avoids her gaze, scratching the back of her neck, "Fine. But I still wish you wouldn't sneak out of bed. I told you I'll stay up with you if you can't sleep."

Hope nods knowingly, taking a sip from her bottle before responding, "I want you to get your rest, Jo. And what did I tell you about worrying?" She raises an eyebrow at the brunette.

Josie fakes a smile, "Right..."

Hope sets her water on the counter, "Okay, I'm gonna go shower off, and I'll probably try to head upstairs and paint for a while. I haven't painted since I've been home."

Josie hums inquisitively, "Anything new?" She tries not to let on that she's seen all of Hope's paintings upstairs. She wonders if Hope will paint anything new, other than the blurred faceless ones...

Hope thinks for a moment before shrugging, "Not sure yet. What do you want me to cook for dinner later?"

Josie glances toward Lizzie, "Um, actually, I'm gonna have to work a double at the bar today. I'm sorry, babe, I forgot to tell you..."

Hope doesn't really think much of the use of the nickname, she assumes Josie got in the habit of using it while Hope was deployed, since most of their calls weren't private, "That's okay, love. What about you, Lizzie. I can still cook something for y—"

"I'm actually starting my job at the bar tonight, too. MG's giving me a job," She forces a smile at Hope, "Next time?"

Hope nods, furrowing her eyebrows together in confusion. They're acting weird. She must've walked in on a sisters-only conversation, "Yeah..okay...Well good luck on your first day then. I'm sure you'll be great."

Lizzie nods and smiles in gratitude as Hope places her hands on Josie's shoulders from behind, bending down to leave a kiss to her temple.

She knows she's been a little distant with Josie, but she doesn't want her to think she's still upset with her about what happened the other day.

And the brunette forces a smile, hating that she's having to lie to Hope. The kiss and the offer to cook them dinner only makes her guilt worse.

"I'm gonna go shower. I'll see you two when you get home from work?"

Josie nods, "Yeah, see you later."

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