lucky star // jamie drysdale

23

Jamie's at the sink doing dishes while I box up the left over potato's. Once I slide the container into the fridge, shutting the doors, I turn to Jamie.

I walk up to him and wrap my arms around him. He keeps scrubbing the plate in his hands but lifts his arm so I can slip my head under.

"Can we watch a movie? There's a new Netflix one Mal was telling me about," I say looking up at him.

"What's it about?"

"This girl gets pregnant and it basically shows the two ways her life could of gone depending on if she has the baby or not. Mal said it was really good."

I'm looking up at Jamie, taking in how simple and sweet this moment is. And how cute he is. He'a got on a hat right now, the ends of his hair are curing up at the bottom of it. I just wanna reach up and take off his hat, tangle my fingers through his silky hair. His freckles are darker then usual, thanks to the LA sun and his cheeks are a bit burnt from hanging out on the roof.

"Sure, I want to shower first though," he responds turning off the water.

"Kay," I can't stop starting at him. I want to memorize everything, the shape of his nose, and the curve of his lips. I don't ever want to forget this moment.  

Fuck, I have to ask him. I need to know for my own sanity.

"What?" He looks down at me. I'm still attached to his side, but he doesn't seem to care.

I pull away from him, "Nothin."

I want to ask him what we do when I leave in a few weeks but I can't, I can't ruin this.

"You looked like you wanted to say something," he says drying his hands.

"I've got nothin," I hum slowly walking out of the kitchen. I pick up my phone from the counter as I make my way towards the hallway.

"You sure?" He asks only a few steps behind me.

"Positive," I nod heading towards my room, "I'm gonna change."

I'm still in my dress from earlier and desperately want to put on sweatpants.

But Jamie catches up to me before I make it into my room.

"Jamie," I giggle as he wraps his arms around me, picking me slightly up off the floor. I drop my phone on the floor, laughing as his lips tickle my skin.

"Tell me," his voice is muffled against my skin as he places a more kisses on my neck and collar bone.

"It was nothing," I wiggle in his arms trying to turn around.

"Tell me," his fingers tickle my sides.

"Stop!" I squeal, squirming in his arms.

He stops for a second and we're looking each other in they eyes as he says, "Tell me what you were gonna say."

My heart is beating so fast against my chest it might just pop out.

"It wasn't important," I whisper, putting my hand on his cheek

"You sure?" He asks, glancing at my lips then quickly back to my eyes.

I smile at his soft tone and sweet accent, "Positive."

I close the small distance between our lips because I need to stop thinking.

Jamie's hands travel lower down my back pulling me closer as he kisses back. He tastes sweet and fruity, like the chocolate strawberries we split after dinner.

He brings one of his hands to my neck, sliding it into my hair. I feel like puddy in his hands.

He trails his lips across my cheek, down my neck.

I can't do this.

But I don't stop him, I let him pick me up. Wrapping my legs around him as our lips meet again.

"J," I hum. I don't want him to stop.

"Mhm?" His voice is muffled but he doesn't stop kissing me. His hands are firmly on my butt, as he carries me to the bed.

I can't do this.

He sits down on the bed with me in his lap, his hands sliding under the bottom of my dress. My hands find the bottom of his t-shirt, and my fingers slip under the hem sliding up under the fabric.

I want to memorize every inch of him, but I can't.

I freeze, resting my hands on his chest. My eyes are still closed and my forehead's rested against his.

"What?" His voice is light as his hands slide down my thighs.

I take a deep breath and say the words everyone dreads, "We need to talk."

"About?" He asks sounding a bit nervous.

I pull away from him, standing up. I'm fidgeting with the bottom of my dress, pushing it back down as I take a few steps away from him, my back to him.

"Kendall?" He sounds concerned, "Is everything okay?"

I slowly turn to face him, wrapping my arms around myself.

"What are we doing? Like what happens when I leave?" I ask then I keep talking because he's not saying anything.

"Like I'd be okay if it ends when I leave. But if it ends then it ends forever, like next time I see you it doesn't start up again. I can't do that."

"I don't want it to end," he says making me pause.

"I don't think I can do long distance, Jamie. It would just be too hard with the time difference and once the season starts you're going to be traveling all the time," I respond.

He doesn't say anything for a minute, but it's obvious he's thinking. But the silence is killing me.

"I say," if he's not gonna make a decision I will. "We have fun for the next couple weeks," I shrug, "And it ends once I'm on the plane back to New York."

I'm still standing in the middle of the room. Which suddenly feels so small, actually is it getting smaller?

He looks up at me, "But I don't want that either."

"Then what do you want, Jamie?" I sigh, digging my nails into my arm. There's just no way for this to work. I can't be with someone who is on the other side of the country. I mean he'll be on the east coast every once in a while but that's not sustainable for me.

He stands up from the bed, "I don't know but I know I don't want this to end."

"That's not a solution," I look up at him as he comes to stand in front of me.

"I know," he sighs.

"Jamie, I can't do long distance."

I've never done it before but I don't think I could handle it. I don't like the thought of not being able to see him whenever I want. It also doesn't help that I know once hockey season starts up again he'll be almost impossible to get in contact with. I hardly hear from my own brother during the season.

"Okay so do you just want to throw this all away?" He asks.

"No." Because I don't. I like Jamie, a lot.

"Then why don't we at least try. Because in a couple weeks you'll be back in New York and I'll be in Toronto so there won't even be a time difference. It might help make it an easy adjustment," he tucks some of my hair behind my ear, his hand sliding to my cheek, "You could come visit or I could come to you."

"Jamie," I look up at him, "I can't do that." But I also don't want to loose him.

I take a deep breath and say, "I think this just has to end when I leave." I don't want it to but it'll be easier. He'll be able to focus on hockey and I won't be a mess every time he's gone. Part of me wants him to fight for it to keep going, but the other part of me doesn't because I don't know what other solution there is.

"If thats what you want."

I don't know what I want anymore.