lucky star // jamie drysdale

15

KENDALL

I feel like I'm in some bad Netflix rom-com movie right now.

I'm sitting on the couch between Trevor and Jamie while we watch one of those bad Netflix rom-coms.

Okay this one actually isn't bad, I really like this one. It's called Set it Up, it stars Glen Powell and Zoey Deutch.

Jamie and I haven't been alone again since this morning but I can't stop thinking about that kiss against his car, or the full on make-out we had inside of the car when we got home.

"I'm gonna make some popcorn," I say standing up, stepping over my brothers legs and heading into the kitchen. I need to do something to get it off my mind. Like go for a run.

Running has always been my favorite distraction, like the night before graduation I ran three miles at two am. Something about my sneakers hitting the pavement and music blasting in my headphones just clears my head. But I think if I told the boys I was going to go for a run right now they'd both be extremely confused.

So instead I'm gonna make us all popcorn, and I'm gonna take my sweet time. I'm going to pop two bags and separate them into three bowls, because I think that if touch Jamie I'm gonna blurt out what happened this morning. And that won't end well.

I hate hiding things from Trevor. I used to tell him everything and now here I am hiding three things from him, while living with him. I hate this.

Speaking of things I'm hiding from my brother...my phone vibrates on the counter with the nightly text I've been getting from Connor. This is the forth night in a row he's texted me that he misses me. I roll my eyes at the screen.

I think I've officially hit my limit with him.

I didn't reply the last three nights but something has changed in me today. Knowing Jamie feels some sort of way about me somehow makes it easier to cut things off with Connor. I guess I was still holding on to Connor as some sort of back up plan. But I don't need that anymore, there's other people out there, people better then Connor.

So I pick up my phone and quickly type back: connor, i thought we could be friends again but i can't keep doing this back and forth. i'm done, we're done. i'm blocking your number please don't try to contact me again.

As I'm rereading the text I'm starting to wonder if I'm getting ahead of myself, all that happened this morning was a kiss. A really really good kiss.

Plus it's Connor. He's just going through a rough patch. He's just adjusting to college life and being in the city.

No Kendall! He's a shit person. He cheated on you!

I let out a deep sigh as I stare at the text.

"What was that for?" Trevor looks over at me from the couch.

"Nothing," I say, still staring at my phone as I hit the send button.

But I don't feel as relieved as I thought I would as I go through the motions of blocking his number. If anything I feel a bit sick. There's five years of my life just gone like it never even happened.

Connor's struggling, and he's just coping in a bad way. God, am I ever gonna shake off Connor? Or am I always gonna live my life thinking about what could have been? Is that what's happening? Why do emotions and feelings have to be so fucking confusing?

"Ken, the popcorn!" Trevor's voice makes me jump. He's already getting off the couch.

"Shit," I instantly smell the burning popcorn that he probably smells. I drop my phone on the counter and turn around to stop the microwave.