Sunshine in the Rain

25. Gone

We stay seated in the tents and I hear thunder and grab onto JJ. He holds my hand.

"We got a lot to talk about." Shoupe says. He walks away to talk to people.

"JJ, do you think JB will be okay in the storm?" I ask.

"Ash, if anyone can get through a storm on a boat, it's your brother." JJ says.

JJ holds my hand and comforts me through the thunder and the lightning,

"W-what if lightning strikes the boat?" I ask. I am basically panicking. JB is out in the ocean during a tropical storm. He is living my biggest fear.

"Hey, just think about the things that make you happy." JJ says. "What makes you happy cupcake?"

"Surfing." I say. "My family. My friends. You." I say. JJ hugs me.

"Just think about your family and friends all surfing together and then you go and get that dolphin with sunglasses tattoo." JJ says. I laugh a little.

Then Shoupe walks into the tent and we all stand up.

"Did you find them?" Pope asks.

"No." Shoupe says.

"So they got away?" Kie asks.

Shoupe looks down and thunder cracks. I hold onto JJ. "We uh, we lost them." He says.

"What do you mean you lost them?" JJ asks.

"They took an open boat into a tropical storm." Shoupe says.

"So they're dead?" Kie asks.

"We don't know." Shoupe says.

"You drive them straight through the storm man!" JJ says. He gets mad and shoves Shoupe. Pope and I pull him off.

Tears fall down my face. Kiara's parents and Pope's parents walk into the tent to comfort their kids. JJ and I don't have any.

I hold onto JJ and break down. JJ breaks down too. I look over and see Hayward with his arms open. JJ and I run over to his and hug him. He hugs us back.

"N-no." I say. "He can't be dead." I say. Heyward pulls away and JJ hugs me. We have a Pogue group hug and all cry together.

That night, I try to sleep at the Chateau. That's what everyone calls my house but I don't really call it that. JB did. It doesn't feel right to be here without my twin. I usually hear John B shifting in his bed. But all I hear is thunder, lighting, and rain.

I lay in JB's bed by myself. The covers smell like him. His room smells like him. I cry into his pillow.

JJ is asleep on the couch and everyone else is asleep. JJ wanted to lay with me to comfort me but I said I wanted to be alone.

The next morning, Pope carves into the tree. "John B Routledge. 2003 - 2020. P4L."

I carve a heart around it and JJ burns the words into the tree. I sniffle.

I never thought I'd be making a headstone for my brother. My brother who was always there for me. The brother that protected me no matter the cost. The brother that made me laugh when I was crying. And most importantly, the brother who understood me and trusted me with who I am.

JJ opens a flask. "To John B." He says.

"And to Sarah." Kie says. We all take a sip out of the flask.

I stand out in front of the tree for hours, just standing and staring at his name.

I whistle twice. But no one whistles back.