The Devil's Redemption | ✓

|33| The news

"Teniendo en cuenta que yo prácticamente secuestre a la que va a ser mi mujer no creo que sea la persona adecuada para hablar." He laughs, the motherfucker actually laughs. (Taking in mind that I practically kidnapped the woman that's gonna be my wife I don't think I'm the one to judge.)

Maybe his circumstances weren't ideal but there's one big difference.

"Pero tú eres mejor persona que yo Matteo, en todos los aspectos. Sea como fuese que conocieses a Danielle tú estás hecho para esa vida. Enamorarte, tener una familia. Yo? Yo no." I say it and instantly regret every word even though I mean them. (But you are a better person than me Matteo, in every aspect. No matter how you met Danielle you are made for that life. Falling in love, building a family. Me? I'm not.)

I shouldn't have said that not to a man behind bars.

"Mejor persona? Era un puto desgraciado alcohólico Carlos, uno que perdió todo por idiota y ahora está en la cárcel. Estas seguro de que soy mejor que tú?" He doesn't snap but I can tell he is close to doing so. (Better person? I was fucking miserable, an alcoholic, Carlos, someone who lost everything for being stupid and it's now in prison. Are you sure I'm any better than you?)

"Lo siento no debería haber dicho eso. Ya tienes suficiente." I shouldn't have come, I'm fucking everything up. (I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that. You have more than enough.)

He stays silent trying to calm himself down and staring directly through me as if that would show or tell him something that would help him sort this out.

"Escúchame, aprovecha tú libertad Carlos... tú vida, deja de comerte la cabeza pensando en todo lo que podría salir mal e intentar vivir el momento. Se que piensas que la gente como nosotros no merece la felicidad pero estás equivocado. Ya te lo dije una vez y te lo repito, siempre somos los que dejamos ir, creyendo que así será mejor, que nos protegemos a nosotros mismos y también a aquellos a nuestro rededor pero no tenemos por que hacerlo. También merecemos algo, una oportunidad." It feels like deja vu, like that conversation we had about him falling for Danielle. (Listen to me, take advantage of your freedom Carlos, of your life. Stop eating your head thinking about everything that could go wrong and try to live the moment. I know that you believe people like us don't deserve happiness but you are wrong. I said it once and I will say it again, we are always the ones to let go, thinking that's how we protect ourselves and those around us but we don't have why to do that. People like us, also deserve a chance.)

I stare at him taking in his every word. Wanting to believe that maybe he is right, that I do deserve another chance. I would do anything to be able to believe him.

"De verdad lo piensas? Que tengo otra oportunidad?" I ask. (Do you really think so? That I have another opportunity?)

"Ya sabes la respuesta Carlos, no estarías aquí si no. Ella es tú oportunidad." He says confidently. (You already know the answer, Carlos, you wouldn't be here if you didn't. She is your opportunity.)

She is, and yet I'm still lying to her. Hiding away in my brother's embrace. Hoping he would tell me to let her go so I would have an excuse for acting and being the way I am. It's pathetic.

"Aún no se ni lo que somos y ya la estoy cagando Matteo, mintiendo, ocultándole cosas. Le prometí que iba a intentar ser el hombre que merece y ya la he jodido." I exhale looking down once again, focusing on the scratched metal table. (I don't even know what we are yet and I'm already lying to her and hiding things. I promised her I would try and be the man she deserves and I already fucked it up.)