Alpha's Fallen Angel

Chapter 36-Amara

"Well actually. We should probably start by helping you get control of your demon side." he says and I kick myself for opening up my fat mouth

"I am in control! See me, I'm back to normal!" I tell him

"That's because your wolf is siphoning your powers. Adonis said that Tamisra doesn't know if you could handle them with how upset and depressed you've been. That would also be why she hasn't talked to you much since yesterday morning, that's where all of her focus and energy is." he says and I instantly feel horrible.

'Tami, give me control. You don't need to do this, I'm in control of my emotions now' I say

'You're not in control of your emotions Mara, you're pushing your emotions away and pretending they don't exist.' Tamisra responds, but she sounds strained and I'm worried for her. Exactly how much power was she holding back from me?

'A lot, Amara. This is...I don't know...but I hope your dad comes soon because this isn't sustainable.'

'Give me some. Stop taking it all, I need you to be okay as much as I need to be okay. At least give me my demon side, Roman can help me control that.' I say desperately and I feel her think for a minute

'Fine. But prepare yourself, you're about to get hit with a wall of power.' she finally says and I nod. It only takes a minute before I feel it. It rushes out of my chest into my fingertips and all of my muscles tense up. It's cold, dark, and I instantly want to give over any and all control I have to it. I fall to my knees and grit my teeth as I desperately try to contain the power that surges forth.

"Amara, baby, focus on me and breathe." Roman says, and when I open my eyes, everything is tinted black but I won't let it out. I won't hurt Roman, I won't damage his mothers cottage. So I do what he says, I focus on his face and take in a sharp inhale

"Good, now feel for the source of your power. It'll feel like a buzz. Call it back and imagine there's a string tied to it. Pull the string slowly towards yourself. " he says cupping my face

I do what he says, and I'm surprised to find that it helps. The blackness is still dancing along my vision though. I keep pulling at the invisible string in my mind and exhale in relief when I feel the tension in my chest ease up a bit. It's still there, but it's manageable. I stand up from my knees and I can see why Tamisra couldn't talk to me; it's hard to concentrate on anything but keeping this contained. Roman must feel my emotions because he embraces me and I instantly feel the power dissolve as it retreats to my chest. Again, it's still present but I can breathe easier and concentrate on Romans arms around me.

"Will it always be like that?" I ask him

"No. Eventually, you will get used to keeping it contained. It's hard at first; I had the same struggles. Let's go outside and I'll work with you a little." he says and I nod

'Tami, how do you feel?' I ask her

'I'm fine now, our angel powers aren't so...violent. It's more like a hum. It's still powerful though. I'm sorry for taking it from you, but I was worried yesterday when your emotions were out of control and after what happened in the forest....' she says, feeling guilty for not telling me she was doing it

I wince, not wanting to know what destruction I caused on the undeserving wildlife. 'You don't need to apologize. I probably couldn't have handled it. Why didn't you just give me the angel powers?'

'It's hard to explain. They're not hard to control right now, but I think if you were to let them go again, we would cause more damage. The demon powers felt like a violent hurricane, but the angel powers felt like...a volcano I guess? Dormant, but will wipe out entire towns if it's active. It would be worse to lose control of them than it would be the demon's powers. I don't know, I don't completely understand it myself. I hope our dad has some answers.' she says, sighing heavily.

I wince again when she says our dad, but I don't protest. I should probably get used to the idea of him before I actually meet him. It's not his fault that I don't know him, he did what he had to do and the least I could do was act excited to see him. My dad that raised me will always be my father and no one can take that from me.

"Amara? Do you want to try and use your powers?" Roman says and I realize I've just been standing here lost in thought

"Yeah I guess" I exhale sharply and follow him outside.

"Are you ready?" he says, turning and looking at me

"No. But let's do this" I say, biting my lip. Selene, please don't let me destroy his mother's house.

"Okay, let a little bit of it out. Imagine that you're opening a bottle of soda, you don't want to open the whole lid or the fizz will overflow it. When you've done that, grab the power that comes out. Your power doesn't possess you, it's a part of you so it will listen to you." Roman tells me.

I do what he says and I think a little more comes out than I intend to, but I just grab it with the claws of my mind and I smile when it works!

"Good job baby, now let a little more out and keep doing that until it feels like you'll get tired soon." he says, excitement in his voice

Again, I obliged and I keep letting a little more out each time. When I feel like there's no more to let out, I look up at him. I don't feel like it's uncontrollable at all. I can feel the buzz of my magic in my fingertips, but it's not annoying in the slightest.

"You're a natural" he breathes "it took me almost a year to be able to let it all out and have control. There's no doubt you're the tribrid" he says before I feel his regret, probably at bringing that up

"Do you know about the tribrid...er me, I guess?" I ask, curiously

"Yes. I'll tell you later. Let's focus on this. Letting your magic flow outside your body is the same as letting it flow inside your body. I don't want you to let it all out yet, but let a little out. Aim for the fire pit over there, and let the intention of starting a small campfire there flow through your fingertips as you let your magic out."

I think hard about what he said, and when I execute it perfectly I jump up and look at him, excitement must be clear on my face because he smiles and kisses me. We go on like this for a couple more hours, by the end I'm using my magic to levitate him or any object I want throughout the air. I always thought black magic was evil, but he told me it didn't have to be. It was more about taking control of the essence of something and using it how you please. It could be evil, like I could force anyone to do anything and they wouldn't be able to decline.

When we finally call it a day, the magic buzzing through my fingers feels almost normal. The black tint at the edge of my vision also doesn't feel foreign, and I don't try to blink it away when it comes forward. I can feel Tamisra's pride too. I imagine Adonis is flattering her for her help in my control over it. Despite it feeling normal, I call it back and watch as the gray mist recedes into my fingers and travels back into my chest where I contain it until I'm ready to bring it forward again.

We walk upstairs and head for the showers, I'm on a high still. Feeling like maybe I'm not unworthy of these powers. I don't quite know what else I have to accomplish, but I think I can do it. When Roman pulls me into bed and rips off my shirt, I push him down and take control of everything before I get lost in him, and he lets me have control for tonight.