Shadows of the Past

Twelve

The sun was fully set by the time I unfolded myself from the step I was on and headed inside. I was a little surprised no one else had tried to find me.

Just as I stepped in through the door, Cole was there, leaning against the banister on the stairs. "Your mother wants to speak to you."

I sighed, not in the mood for a scolding, or a heart-to-heart after the conversation I had with River. I didn't want her to tell me all the things she did behind the scenes as a luna. I didn't want her to convince me any farther than River to "accept my destiny" or whatever.

But a part of me did spark in curiosity to know what happened to make her so quiet and shadowed. Dad once told me that she was the strongest person he had ever met, but sometimes she needed reminding of that. Why did she feel so inferior sometimes?

It wasn't all the time, either. I knew that. I could remember her when I was a kid, laughing and joyful and. . . freer I guess. But the shadows of her past tended to resurface, especially when an issue arose such as the Waning Moon Pack requesting her to give into the crown.

I was becoming terrified that whatever haunted her would soon become my problem. If Dad ever handed down the title to me, that is.

Cole led me to the corridor our rooms were located. But, instead of turning down the hall, he opened the first door across from the main entrance. Inside was a polished desk with a plane of glass on the top, a bookshelf against the left wall—I recognized the Information Volumes stacked on the middle shelf—and then a plum colored one-arm chaise chair sat in the middle of the large rounded area of the otherwise square room. That right wall was dotted with four, tall arched windows, letting moonlight pour onto the chaise.

The light turned on, making me jump a little, and I realized Mom and Dad were behind the desk. River—whose office I was sure this was—was nowhere to be seen.

"How did you get permission to be in here?" I asked.

"Not as hard as you'd think, actually." Dad answered. He stood behind the chair Mom sat in. Her arms folded on the desk.

Her blue eyes pierced mine, but they held no anger. "I never wanted to lead." She said to me.

My eyes opened wide and I stood straighter, not expecting her to just go right out and tell me without my asking first.

"It's a big reason we don't live in Parsons, West Virginia." She meant the Menai Moon Pack. She meant why we weren't the royal family sitting on the werewolf throne.

"Your dad was a young alpha, that's why he doesn't want you to be alpha at eighteen. He's always believed the age should be higher. Eighteen is still a kid. A kid should never have the responsibility of an entire pack." Dad nodded his agreement behind her.

"I was raised as a human," she continued. "I did not know I was a wolf."

My eyes bugged out of my head. "What?"

She nodded, tucking a strand of her long, light blonde hair behind her ear. "My father. . ." She seemed to choke for a moment, and Dad growled lowly towards nothing for a moment. Mom reached up behind her to take his hand. It calmed them both down instantly.

I didn't know Mom's history with her father, only a little with her mother. I hadn't realized both her parents were villains to her story.

She sucked in a delicate breath. "Well, he- he wasn't a good person. Late in the game, I discovered he had been purposefully stunting my wolf's development, so that I wouldn't turn, so that I wouldn't know what I actually was." She had to pause for several moments. I thought through what I knew about a werewolf's growth and development.

If he knew what he was doing, and was really trying to stunt her, that would mean. . . My hand fluttered to my mouth in horror, my stomach twisting with disgust.

Mom noticed and nodded solemnly. "Physical and verbal," she told me. "I didn't speak for eleven years."

If I wasn't fully alert before, I was then. I knew Mom was a naturally quiet person, but she never stopped talking for extensive periods of time. Eleven years! Never in my entire life would I have expected her to tell me that.

"Even after I met Kota," she whispered as if she forgot where she was, who she was talking to. "I didn't speak to anyone for weeks more. I wasn't sure I even could. When I did, it wasn't on command, it was out of adrenaline or fear or anger. Any emotion large and strong enough, really."

"Why are you telling me all this?" I asked behind the hand still covering my lips. I had wanted answers, but I would never have expected this. Not in a million years.

But at the same time, how didn't I guess it was something like this? I knew it was something crazy, but not an actual abusive childhood. My mind flicked through memories of small things Mom would say, or do, that hinted to the trauma even all these years in the pack couldn't heal. It had been staring me in the face my entire life.

"Because," she answered me. "I want you to know why I am the luna I am. I wasn't raised in this culture, in a pack. I didn't even know it existed before Kota—you're father, I mean."

Then she switches to the next side of the story. "When my mother—who I thought was dead, by the way—came back to look for me, she revealed to be just as evil as he had been. And she only wanted me for the crown." She sighed and looked at the desk in front of her. "The first time I really got my voice back was to yell at her. I never wanted to see her again. I told her I had been kept in the dark all my life, so I was never going to be ready to be the queen of this world that was all so brand new to me."

"She didn't like that." I stated, lowering my hand finally. "She holds onto hope. That's why Tally isn't queen yet and why she won't perform her duty as a royal and actually help out packs like Waning Moon."

Dad nodded, Mom still stared at the desk. "She's inadvertently destroying other packs just because of the grudge she has against your mother."

"That's terrible! Tally should overthrow her." The suggestion came out without my permission.

Mom's eyes lifted and she finally broke a smile. I guess that alone was worth it. "Oh, she wants to," she promised me. "But the queen is stronger than she's letting on."

I walked to the desk and sat down in a chair, making me eye level with Mom. "So why don't we get Rising Moon and Crescent Moon to help her?" I fought the slight blush in my cheeks, "River will do anything I say as long as I'm talking to him."

Dad smirked, "Smart man." I choked my laugh back down.

Mom smiled, too. "We can't lead everyone to a war, Emerald. But we will, collectively, start fighting to get Tally on the throne and my mother off of it."

I sighed. "I know." Clearing my throat, I added, "Thank you for telling me everything. I understand now why you never have before."

She shrugged, a little bashful. "There are just some stories that are incredibly difficult to tell. Maybe one day, you'll get to hear the finer details, but it might not be able to be from me."

Dad looked at her, and his expression told me that she was probably the only one on the planet that actually knew every single thing she went through. Dad had his version, of course. Jaycee probably had hers too.

I wasn't sure I wanted to hear absolutely everything her dad did to her, or every detail about my parents' love story, but I was glad to know that my mother wasn't weak or too soft. She was a luna, and not the luna I had thought growing up.

Later, in my guest room, I thought about everything I learned tonight. My mind wasn't easily turned, I couldn't be persuaded that easily to just drop everything and fully accept River. But I had a better idea of what leading a pack meant, and what kind of leader I wanted to be. Unfortunately, I had a strong feeling River would fit into that somewhere, but I was not in the mood tonight to stress over how and when and what could even work.

River and I were both the destined alphas of our packs. How could either of us just give that up?