By Sin We Fall

Remo

Six years ago..

"Something's wrong," Nino said as he came through the office door. We never used to work in the office, having a zoo for a living room changed that fact. The weather had been rainy, a cold front seizing through the west coast creating abnormally damp conditions. The kids, not used to these conditions, were going stir crazy. Adding the fact that the treaty with the Famiglia was collapsing and important questions needed to be answered, people looked to me, as if I knew anything better. "Take them to the park, Sebastian," I finally said. My last nerve wavered, my concentration wrecked. Coming back to the moment, I was left unfazed by Nino's proclamation. There was always something wrong. Always someone doing something stupid. Which on a normal day was my bread and butter. Not today. Could nobody hold their shit together for one day? "What is it now?" Only when I looked up did I see the seriousness on Nino's face.

Something horrible was happening to my body, tightening yet burning an ugly fire from within. My vision was steadily closing in but I needed to be at attention, alert, ready to fight with every inch of my life. It burned my veins. It was as if my enemies knew all my weaknesses, that they knew the worst pain possible to me and then inflicting that in a steady dose. Decisions, all day had been decisions. Formalities on paper and confirmation with official prints. Alluded to the fact that I had made the worst decision of my life where it mattered the most. I knew pain keenly and saw it as an old friend. I knew the feeling of torture and betrayal. I knew these things but I didn't know this feeling. The worst feeling to ever course my body. The fire that I was always trying to save others from was now started by me. Burning down everything I cared for. It was a ruthless merciless thing that burned everything in its wake. I was the inferno, the perfect storm of destruction. I somehow became the person I promised I would never become. It was thundering in my head where I knew I was the one responsible for this. Serafina's howling cries haunted me as I left the house. The car slammed to a stop, hitting the wood poster fence in front of the playground from the skid. We arrived to the worst conditions I could have imagined. The fog had moved in more, gathering in the valley, creating visibility up to five feet. Fuck. They're gone. Broken, destroyed. What else did people expect of me? My vision blanked out completely for a second and in its wake the worst images came to mind. Things I would never admit could happen because then I would never live. I steadied myself on the fence. Men were running out to the scene while I slowly deteriorated. Taking a breath, my lungs relieved me of air. When was the last time I took a breath? I couldn't remember breathing the whole drive here. I looked out, ready to see the worse. The image that greeted me was haunting. I didn't know if it was an illusion or real life. Greta stood by herself on the outskirts of the playground, seemingly floating in her own universe. Marveling at the ground as she did a little dance of sorts, hopping over a log and doing a little spin. Something else caught her attention and she kneeled down to pick it up. Like hell wasn't upon us. Was I dead already, was that what this was? Was she meeting me in the realms beyond this world? The fog was still rolling in thick. I walked over shakily, still not believing she was real. I grabbed onto her shoulders, as if to steady myself. Feeling her bones, her flesh. She was alive. "Greta." I barely made a sound from my throat. "Greta." I tried again. "Are you alright?" She was lost, not hearing a sound. "Greta!" I growled in frustration. I needed her to speak, to tell me she was ok or I might go back into the encompassing blackness. She finally looked at me, her eyes bright, not watery. She looked confused at me. "I'm ok," she said, in such an angelic voice, looking back to the leaf she found. She cried about flowers dying on the counter and she was telling me she was fine? "Remo! Nevio is safe, no injuries. The area has been cleared," Savio said, running over, his form appearing from the fog. I looked at Greta again. "Get in the car and don't move from the car. Am I clear?" I ordered the firmest request I had ever asked of her. She nodded, distracted again by something above her. Savio came over to take her hand, I couldn't let go of her before that. As if she was a balloon that would just float away if not grounded to someone. I ran into the fog where my men were gathered by the playground structure. A man laid dead on the ground, a single gunshot to his chest, to his heart. A dead shot. The heart would stop beating within the millisecond that the bullet would pierce it. Above him stood Nevio, staring down at the body that still bled. The soft playground sand absorbed it easily. So many emotions were playing on Nevio's face but I couldn't name any of them. I rushed over grabbing Nevio tightly. He shook out of the haze quickly to look at me. Out of the worst possibilities they were ok. I couldn't believe it. I ordered those around me. Holding Nevio's shoulder the whole time. When I was done I kneeled down to Nevio's height to look him straight into his eyes. He was real. I wasn't in hell anymore. "Im so proud of you Nevio, so fucking proud." I hugged him to my chest. He still seemed cold, I would need to talk to him afterwards but right now I couldn't be more proud of him, all those times I thought he ignored every single word of advice I gave. When it truly mattered he came through. He proved himself today. He passed every initiation in my eyes. While we were backing out of the playground parking lot, Greta stared out the backseat window. I looked up too, seeing the ravens circling the canyon. The only witnesses to a day that wouldn't be talked about again.

I woke up with sweat soaking the sheets around my body. I looked around the room, alert to make sure everything was safe. I wouldn't be able to go back to sleep till I knew the whole house was secure. As much as I wished killing someone would solve all the problems they left behind in the world, the scars were still evident long after the perpetrator was gone. Some days the scars even felt as fresh as the day they were inflicted, and you were only left with your own mistakes. I roamed the halls and counted the sleeping bodies. Serafina couldn't sleep the first week after the event. She did the same, checking if our kids were still breathing every night. Slowly she eased off the routine after I reassured her a thousand times that there was nothing to fear anymore. We were safe now. Yet I lied, I still came back to these halls, to contradict the images in my mind that insisted that they were gone forever and no matter how much I tried, I knew I had no power to ensure their complete safety. The event altered everyone's lives, Nevio became more responsible, Greta slowly descended into her own world, all the while locking me out of it. In the quiet moments she would give me looks I couldn't interpret, I didn't understand what she wanted. So I tried but that just seemed to scare her off more, casting a further divide between us. I couldn't take away her horrors. I couldn't tell her anymore that I would protect her from the monsters under her bed because I was now the reason the monsters were attacking her. I opened Greta's door. The hallow feeling that greeted me let me know that there was no life in that room. I would never get over the initial jolt of panic then remembering that she left that night to board a plane. I strained myself to not call Simone and order them to return immediately. I prayed, something I never did before having kids in my life, I prayed that I had made the right decision, because I knew I was capable of making the wrong decision.

That event changed everyone in some way or another, we just pretended it didn't.