Kerfuffles in Candyland

Let's Start the Show

A television displays static while the droning, fuzzy sound fills one's ears. Then, a colorful array of bars appear upon the television. An ear splitting ring fills the room when suddenly a broadcast begins to play. The Sweet and the Savory appears in black and white as it transitions to a talk show set with two leather chairs beside one another. A large desk lies upon the opposite side of the set, and a typical office chair remains at its posterior.

Suddenly, a gust of smoke engulfs the area of which the office chair is located. Within a few seconds, I am revealed.

SweetSuggarySyrup: "Hello, my wonder*cough*ful fa*hack*ns!" I waft the smoke away from me. "Today, we have several *wheeze*" I grimace, set an arm atop the desk, utilize my other hand to wield my notecards, and glare at people off set. "Guys, I thought you said that the smoke would disappear before I started talking!" I display a fake smile.

Employee: "I'm sorry, sir. There were. . .budget cuts. . . ," they state off stage.

SweetSuggarySyrup: "Yes, yes, budget cuts. *Scoff* That doesn't even make any sense. This is a fake broadcast, anway." I bring my pointer finger and thumb up to my face. My fingers are placed near my eyes as I pull them together as well as apart. "Eh, I guess it doesn't really matter. I ain't paying you, anyhow."

Employee: "W-W-What? B-B-But I have a w-wife and f-family! H-H-How am I gonna g-g-get paid to f-feed them?! OH MY GOD, MY MOTHER WAS RIGHT!!!" They continue to have a mental breakdown.

SweetSuggarySyrup: "*Sigh* Anyways, we have two very special guests for you today." I  set my hand along the table. "Give a real sweet welcome-" I smile in silence. "That's your cue." I look to the other side of the stage and whisper as the room continues to be consumed by silence.

*Laugh Track*

SweetSuggarySyrup: "Finally," I mutter. "Welcome, onto the show, Mandy and Chester!"

Mandy walks onto the stage. A spotlight follows her until she reaches her seat. She elegantly sat down with her legs crossed. She presents a pleasant smile and a joyful wave. Following that, the same spotlight quickly snaps back to the area where Mandy first appeared.

*Crickets.MP4*

SweetSuggarySyrup: "Uh. . .Ahem, here's Chester!" I exclaim while extending my arm towards the spotlight.

However, no one appears.

SweetSuggarySyrup: "Hehehe." I laugh uneasily. I hastily pull at my suit and speak into an inconspicuous microphone. "Where the Hell is he?!" I horsley remark.

Employee: "I don't know, sir."

SweetSuggarySyrup: "*Sigh* I gave you enough candy to lead him here. You just needed to place it in a trail leading to the studio. He has the mental aptitude of a child! He could easily fall for that!"

Employee: "We did, sir, and it worked surprisingly well, but he seems to have disappeared. . ."

SweetSuggarySyrup: "DISA-" I breathe deeply. Thus, I exhale deeply following that. "Well, we need to find him. We can't afford to lose viewers! This is only chapter six! I have left my viewers for well over a week, and I can't afford to leave them without content for much longer!" I plant a finger atop the table. "So, go find that jester!"

Employee: "Y-Yes, sir!"

I turn towards the audience with a hand placed upon my head. However, once I face the audience, I curl one of my hands into a fist as I cover it by utilizing my other hand. I sit up straight, slightly unnerved.

SweetSuggarySyrup: "W-Well, it seems as though Chester is currently testing my patience and is jesting somewhere else. Hehehe. . ."

"Aww!" The audience states. Sorrow encompasses their voice.