It can never be the same

Chapter 19

So many emotions had flooded through her system in the past thirty-six hours that it felt like she was existing within a dream. She wasn't sure what she was feeling as she sat with Draco, checking in on him before her match. In the past thirty-six hours, Draco had almost died, she had a full-on meltdown over it, she fought with Harry, had a meltdown again, then had a sort of heart-to-heart with Draco, and now they were on okay terms but she was avoiding Harry.

Couldn't it have been a normal year? Merlin, she was so tired. She didn't like fighting with any of her friends and she was trying to rationalise Harry's behaviour but whenever her eyes happened to find him in a room, she couldn't look him in the eye. If Harry knew what the spell really did he wouldn't have used it under any circumstances... right? And he had blown up at her like that simply out of misguided protectiveness - but it was still so mean.

Then again, they were all under a lot of pressure that year and he had probably been in shock since he had almost unintentionally killed someone, so maybe him saying all those things to her had come from the fight being poor timing. Though she was in shock too and she hadn't said anything nearly as mean as he had.

But this was Harry, her idiot best friend. When they had become friends, the two of them had clicked more easily than she had with Ron and Hermione. He had been there for her more times than she could count. He was her brother; and though they could bicker and get into silly arguments, they had never had a fight this bad.

Yet, when she saw him for the first time since their fight in the common room the next morning - his eyes apprehensive, hopeful, and pleading all at once - she found that she couldn't stand looking at him without remembering the coldness, the cruelty, twisted in his features as he made her feel so small and silly for being in love with Draco Malfoy. That nagging thought had popped into her head again as well, that if she had told him the truth from the start, none of this would've happened.

At least she didn't have to worry about being distracted by him in her match since he had to serve detention.

"What are you thinking so deeply about, sunshine?"

She looked up at Draco, who was watching her with a pretty smile on his face. He was bathed in the morning light, his hair looking more white than pale blonde. His eyes were a shining silver that made her heart flutter when she looked directly at them. When did she get so sappy? Maybe she was a little silly when it came to Draco Malfoy. She couldn't deny the warmth that spread through her chest when she looked at him, though.

He seemed to be in higher spirits that morning.

"It's nothing," she said.

He raised a skeptical brow, and she cursed internally at the fact that he had seen through her lie.

"It's definitely not 'nothing'."

She huffed and he gave her a triumphant look.

"It's just," she hesitated, "Harry and I got into a huge fight and now we aren't speaking."

She looked between his eyes, wondering how he would react to her words. He shifted uncomfortably in the bed.

"Oh, really," he looked guilty, "You shouldn't be too hard on him, we were both in the wrong."

"That's not exactly why we aren't speaking," she said, shifting her eyes away from him for a second.

"Oh?"