Wishful Thinking (Shinobu x Fem Reader)

Regrets

Kanroji's POV:

There's a tense atmosphere surrounding the Butterfly Estate, the girls talking amongst each other in hushed voices. "Excuse me, can I help you?"

I quickly turn around, meeting my eyes with Kanao's darkened expression— or darker than it usually is. "I'm here to check on Kocho."

"She's... not well," Kanao says softly.

I tentatively place a hand on the young girls shoulder, causing her to flinch. "Look," I reply, "I just need to talk to her, okay?" Kanao merely glances up at me, nothing but sadness behind her wide eyes. "Can you tell me where she is?"

-

I knock softly on the door to Kocho's room. I hear the muffled sobs from the other side cease, followed by a soft, "Go away."

I take a deep breath, slowly pulling open the sliding door. Kocho's curled up in a ball on the floor, her violet hair disheveled and her haori discarded in a heap on the floor. She looks up at me, only for a moment, her eyes puffy and red.

"Kocho," I whisper, kneeling beside her on the floor.

"I said go away."

I sigh. "You can't stay in here forever." There's a brief silence, so I continue, "Can you at least talk about it?"

"No," she mutters.

"You can't, or you don't want to?"

"I don't want to, now leave me alone!" she snaps, causing me to jump.

"Kocho-," I try again, but by now Kocho has gotten up and began rummaging for something in the mess of her formerly-clean room.

When she turns around I can see the bottle of sake in her hand, droplets falling from her chin as she takes a long swig. Then, without saying a word, she makes her way out of the room.

"Kocho!" I call after her, "Can we please just talk for a second?"

"No, we can't, so I suggest you leave before—"

"Before what?" I ask her, catching her by the sleeve. "Before you have to 'force me out' all by yourself? Because you're not in any condition where that would be possible."

"It's all my fault!" Kocho sobs suddenly, her voice breaking into a million pieces. "I'm the one who pushed her away and now she's gone."

I walk over to the distraught woman, softly stroking her back. "Why don't we talk about this over some tea?"

-

"First off, she's not gone. She's still in this very building," I say after taking a long sip of green tea.

"She's been asleep for two months," Kocho says in a raw, scratchy tone. "Let's face it, she's not coming back—"

"You don't know that," I interrupt. "Her body needs time to heal."

Kocho lets out a long sigh. "She lost too much blood. The wisteria laced on the arrow is interfering with her regeneration. Even if we went through with a transfusion there's no way of knowing if it'll work— and frankly that's not a risk I'm willing to take."

"I understand," I reply, taking her hand. It's cold and shaking and my heart absolutely breaks for this woman. "You're grieving, which is only natural after losing a lover, but you're also placing the blame upon yourself. You didn't shoot that arrow nor were you apart of the group that abducted her."

Kocho laughs, though it isn't out of humor; no, it's more like she's laughing at herself and her self-believed mistake. "Lover, huh?" She laughs again, dropping her head in her hands. "Is that what we were?"

I shift my weight on the seat, trying my best to reason with my friend , trying my best not to ignite anything with all the alcohol in her system. How much sake has she had? "Yes, I'd say that you were. I saw the way she looked at you, and more importantly, the way you looked at her."

"The first time I saw her, I swore she was the prettiest person I'd ever seen. Person, not demon. She came to live with me and I was ecstatic, I kept thinking of ways to get closer to her, you know? And next thing I know we're having sex and I'm enjoying it and even though we just met I swear I can't spend a day away from her. And then it hits me. I can't fall in love with her, I just can't. What would people think? What would the rest of the Hashira say? So like the idiot that I am, I pushed her away. Gods I felt awful, the way the life would drain out of her face as I rejected her time and time again— but I didn't even stop there. It was like I couldn't even allow us to be just friends, no, it was all or nothing. So here I am on the train, gritting my teeth as the two of you talk and I'm jealous and pissy and I didn't even get to say goodbye."

For a moment, I don't say anything at all. I let all of Kocho's words sit in, absorbing every syllable. "Kocho," I say at last. "She loves you too. I know it. So are you gonna let her wake up and find you like this or are you gonna sober up and be there for her while she's recovering?"

"I'll sober up," Kocho mumbles.

"Good. I'll be back tomorrow at the same time. I swear to you Kocho if I find a single drop of alcohol in this estate I'm gonna slap the shit out if you." I add a hint of playfulness to my tone as to lighten the mood.

Kocho seems to pick up on it as she smiles weakly, "Okay, okay. I promise I'm gonna get better."

I stand up to leave but stop. "Kocho?"

"Hmm?"

"Don't ever be afraid to love."

-

Shinobu's POV:

"Hey, (Y/N)," I say softly, approaching the bed. I sit down in a chair beside her, the room dark with all the curtains shut. The faintest beam of moonlight peaks out from a hole in the fabric, illuminating (Y/N)'s face. "I miss you so much."

I sigh, wiping away a small tear which managed to brim over my eyelid. "I'm sorry. I pushed you away. If you wake up, I wanna do it differently this time. I like you. A lot. I'll take you out on a date, yeah? And we can get to know each other. And if you'll have me, maybe we can start an actual relationship. No more hiding."

I stand up to go, but first brush the hair out of your face, leaning down to kiss you on the forehead. It's hot, a fever that would have likely killed an ordinary human by now. I make my way to the door and freeze. There's the faintest sound of sheets ruffling, followed by a tiny voice.

"Kocho..."

I turn around, your eyes wide-open and bright as ever; you're awake.

Author's Note:
Sorry about the late update (again) I've had a lot going on. Thank you for staying with me and you have no idea how much I appreciate the continuous support. Much more to come <3