godforsaken | ghost

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female reader/pronouns
tw: mention of sh, mental health, ed. If you are uncomfortable, or easily triggered, please skip this chapter. My dms are open.

Ghost pov
She was unusually gloomy today.

Normally, she'd be one of the most energetic and hyperactive people on base. The one to light up a room. However, I'm assuming today is one of those days.

I've seen this before, everyone has. She's had a dark past, one of if not the darkest. It baffles me that someone who has seen so much darkness bring so much sunshine. Yet today, she's cloudy.

It makes sense, we'd just gotten back from a mission and something triggered her panic attack.

flashback
"Tricky, how copy?" Price says over the comms.

There's a silence, which, at first wasn't concerning. Sometimes takes time for her to reply.

"Tricky, how copy?" Price asks again, growing worried. It only grows more when we hear her breathing heavily over the comms.

"Shit." Price mutters.

-

Now she's sitting in the kitchen, pushing her food around with her head in her hand. I silently walk over to her.

"How many?" she doesn't look up from her plate, guessing she knew it was me. She had that about her. Knowing what was coming even before it was made known.

She knows what I was implying, she knew I was asking her "how many" as in "how many bites of your food have you had?"

She holds up 3 fingers, guess it's a quiet day today.

"Good. You wanna try more?" I ask, sitting in the seat next to her and leaning forward to look at her.

She doesn't reply, just stares at her food.

"I don't know, Simon."

I sigh and take the plate away from her, picking up the spoon and scooping up some of the food.

"Open up, baby." she opens her mouth slightly.

It was a rare thing, so many rare things were happening. The fact that she was gloomy, the fact that she's quiet, the fact that she used my real name, and the fact that we're showing much more than what we're used to around base.

We both agreed to keep it on the low, despite everyone already knowing. It was rare I show her this much attention so openly, and it was rare she let me.

"Good job. You're doing good, love." I say after she takes the spoon into her mouth and munches on the food.

"Try one more?" I ask, she continues chewing before she swallows and stares at the spoon I'm holding up.

Suddenly, her eyes connect with mine, and I can see the pain in her eyes. Her agony and her sorrow. I hate to see her like this. I hate to see her so godforsaken.

I hate that I'm seeing this part of me in her. I hate that she knows what it feels like. She shouldn't have to.

I pause before placing the plate down before pulling her into my arms and resting my chin on her head.

She digs her head into my chest as her hands are shoved between us. And soon, I feel her shake.

"It hurts, Simon. So much." she whispers, her voice breaking. Her breaking.

"I know, I know. Breathe baby." I rub her back and start to breathe in and out slowly to guide her. Soon enough, her tears stop and she's limp in my arms. It's baffling how she fell asleep so easily. Normally, she'd sleep for 3 hours max.

She's tired.

I move and pick her up, resting her head on my shoulder as I wrap her legs around my waist. I carry her over to her room, where I meet Price halfway.

He glances at her, before looking back at me. "Look after her, Ghost. Im countin' on you." he says as he stares straight into my eyes, telling me that if I fail to follow suite, there will be consequences.

"Yessir." I reply before continuing my journey to her room. However, I stop when I hear Price speak again.

"And, Ghost." I look back. "Make sure to check." He says. And I know he's referring to check if she's hiding a scale in her room, I know he's telling me to check for any hidden blades. We look every few days. I know he's telling me to check for any cuts that look cleaner than the others, more planned than the others.

I nod, "I'll be sure of it, Sir." he nods back.

-

After I check her room, I sit in a chair by her bed. I won't be checking her without her consent. I'd rather brace myself.

Because hidden in the wooden floor, there were 3. One of which, had dried blood. In the trash, 2 bloody tissues.

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