ALL THAT WAS LEFT BEHIND

Confusion Really Hurts

            “Oh, thanks. You didn’t have to do that,” I answered as we made it to the top of the stairs, which seemed perfectly straight and even to me, and stepped into the hallway. It was all open, as only seen with a thick layer of musty darkness that swirled around me like a dark snake. The wide open rectangular space of neat, simple darkness only consumed us further as we made our way to the last door on our left.

            Claire didn’t respond to the lighting, as she could probably see wonders in the thicket of dark, only by a trembling thin line of light of the slipping sun, desperately streaming through the quiet windows. I put my head down to mind my footing over the lusciously soft deep green carpet.

            “Sea,” said she. “You don’t need to thank me for a thing. We want to do everything we can to make you comfortable, now that we have the chance.”

            She opened the door, letting it creak open with a slow moan, and then whipped towards me, her eyes suddenly eternally open and deep, slowly filling with a heavy sorrow. “It’s just the circumstances that are killing me.”

            I nodded slowly and watched her step inside, hesitantly following her, stepping forwards with my bag. Diffidently, I emerged into the room, submerging into a different kind of sanctuary.

            Claire flicked on the light switch, which flickered into a slow showcase of tired, coughing light, until the room was wholly illuminated.

            I took careful steps over the old dark hardwood floor, and slowly moved over to the brilliant white carpet blanketing the middle of the space by the bed for warm feet. The bed looked like it came from an elegant doll house with its fancy vintage looking rails, and perfectly made with an old orange quilt. On the opposite side of the room, a tall dark bookshelf stood empty and begging for something to hold, begging for pages of life to fill its soul. The fair sized area was all painted together in this strikingly modest, yet perfect picture, and all in the smoothest colour of sweet tangerines.

            “We didn’t do much to the space to be honest, besides giving it a good clean out. We did, however, paint it. Your father had it a stocky blue colour, but Sherry told us you liked orange better. Besides, it was chipping and ugly and all that,” Claire explained, taking a sweep of the room, and placing her hands on her hips. “Is this okay with you?”

            I turned back to her, breaking my gaze of the space, and nodded with a tight smile.

            “Yeah, I mean, it’s wonderful. Thank you, so much. For everything,” I whispered, but immediately regretted.

            “Your welcome, Sea. We were happy to do it,” she said with a beam. She then broke the small graceful moment by abruptly turning out of the room, leaving me enclosed in its walls. “I better let you sleep then,” she said. “You must be exhausted. “

            I nodded. “Thanks. Good night, grandma.” She nodded, blew me a kiss and left, closing the door behind her.

            I suddenly felt alien in the room alone. I felt as if I were a dark charge in such an oasis.  

            Ignoring the strange feeling that lingered around me like a foul smell, I changed into a pair of old sweatpants from my bag and clambered inside the bed. I pulled the tangerine coloured blankets over me as like a shield, and waited for sleep to capture me.

***

I awoke to the pattering of rain falling against the window.

            I groggily lifted the covers off of my face and sat up, looking around the room, at first a little confused of where I was. Once I regained the memories of last night, I smiled and pushed the blankets away.