Chain Of Tears

Lucie to Kit

Dear Kit,

I miss you. And this might have a miniature chance of getting to you, but I really hope it does. I can hope, right? You'd like what all has been going on here in London. Daisy and James are coming back soon, and my parents have been really excited and thrilled. The Institute has been decorated and Magnus is here and helping. Magnus told us he saw Matthew recently, so he's alright too. Thomas and Alistair came over to help with decorations, and Thomas looks happier than I've ever seen him. He smiles more brightly, laughs more loudly, he seems less awkward and gangly. Alistair can't decide if he should be snarky about James' return or excited about Daisy's, which is highly entertaining for Jesse and I. And Grace too. Out of all of us, I think she's changed the most. She holds her head higher, she is more confident. I think you'd have liked to see that. She is in Henry's lab more often too, but he liked you better. We all miss you.

I think it hit me too late, the shock that you weren't here anymore. It only truly registered when I sat down and tried to write The Beautiful Cordelia. I'm publishing it soon, by the way! I simply cannot wait, and everyone has been so supportive that I simply cannot believe it is actually going to be published! I've kept the goblins that were you alive, by the way. I don't believe that you're gone exactly. Call it a side effect of being able to see ghosts, but it is what it is. Maybe you're somewhere and this note reaches you, and maybe you aren't. But this note is being sent anyway.

Lots of things are new. Most of our friends are far away, travelling or in India, or on the other side of London (which, honestly, takes really long to get to) but we're all still somewhat together. I get letters from Daisy every week, we've had experiences of being apart. But now, since we're parabatai, it feels different, like there's a string stretching from me to her and I can feel her there at the other end. I can sense if she's alright. I wonder how it must be for James and Matthew to be apart, since they've been parabatai for so much longer. Neither of them ever write, so I couldn't possibly know. Anna's letter take forever to come, and half the time they don't reach, but at least she writes. She misses us all, but she is happy, and I am happy for her. 

I wish you were here when I need your advice. I needed a reference of a poisonous flower where the leaves are pine-like, and I had taken my coat and was halfway out the door before I remembered you weren't at your house, weren't at Henry's lab, weren't anywhere. I stood on the Institute steps in the cold, talking to Jessamine, until Magnus came outside, muttered something about 'infuriating self-destructive Herondales' and got me inside. Grace helped me, so that worked out, but you were more patient with me. We all miss you. I hope this letter reaches you, but if it doesn't, writing this helped.

With love and hope,

Lucie.