you look so cool. (matty healy)

twenty

Now April 2023

Finally, after months of prep work, sleepless nights, and what seemed like an endless amount of phone calls, it's time for tour to begin. I look back at my packed bags sitting in my bedroom, just two suitcases and a backpack will hold my entire life for the upcoming months. I'm sad to leave my flat, I really do love where I live, but the hardest will probably be leaving behind my cat. Sloane being the amazing friend she is volunteered to take her in while I'm away, and to of course send me loads of photos. 

I haven't heard from Matty in a couple of days. Over the four months we texted quite a bit and had a casual dinner together a couple times, but nothing overly serious. Nothing like the morning we spent together in Manchester. 

I don't know my expectations for him going into this tour, I think I am definitely open to a relationship, but I'm not gonna force myself onto him. I mean he's this cool fucking rockstar, and I'm just a childhood friend? Fling? Love? God, who even knows. I'm just happy we're on good terms, and we've got time to figure our relationship out, as we'll be spending quite a bit of time together for the next year. 

Tour starts in America. I'm super excited, I've never gotten to go to the States, and what better way to kick off tour than in New York City. I've got quite the afterparty planned as well. Tomorrow morning, Matty told me a car would pick me up around 7 AM to give me a ride to the airport, and that we would all be on the same flight. 

I'm nervous for the flight, I've never been on one this long, but I just know it will be so worth it when I get to explore all these new cities. My flat feels so empty. The fridge has been emptied, all the lights are off and unplugged, it feels strange. 

The next morning, I wake up at 6 AM, take a quick shower and throw on some comfortable clothes that I can wear on the long flight. I get my suitcases and backpack situated at the door, so the driver isn't waiting on me to lug all my shit out the door. Promptly at 7, I hear a knock on the door. 

Rushing to head out, I don't check to see who is here for me, and I'm shocked to open the door and see Matty outside with a cigarette sitting on his lips. He sees me and his face lights up, "Luna! Who would've thought. You and me, goin' international. I'm so excited," he says to me.

"Matty, what the hell are you doing here?" I ask. "I'm about to leave, remember, you said the driver was coming at 7?" He smirks, "you're looking at him," he says and holds his hands out, and giving me a dramatic 360. 

"What? What do you mean, you absolutley don't have to do that," I say. He gives me a confused look, "Of course we doin' this shit together. This is what we always wanted, to travel, see the world, and I mean hell I wouldn't be in this position without you," he replies. He invites himself in and grabs my two suitcases, one in each hand. He heads out to the car, "you coming?" He asks looking back at me. Still in a bit of disbelief that Matty is on my porch at 7 AM, I nod and scramble to grab my backpack, and lock my door, while he waits in the car.

I hop in and he grabs my hand, giving it a kiss, "are you ready my lady?" He teases. "As ready as ever," I reply. He gives me a fake dramatic frown, "I'm just gonna pretend you're saving all your energy for New York. Besides, we are gonna make a quick stop before the airport if that's cool with you?" He asks. I give him a knowing look, "Matty, you know I'm goin' wherever you lead."

We drive for a couple minutes making small talk about how excited we are for tour. But, he suddenly turns his indicator on, and we turn down onto a road I'm all too familiar with. I look at him with a confused face, he looks back at me and gives me a soft smile. 

We drive for about 5 kilometers, and then he turns into the parking lot at a cemetery. "Matty, what the hell. How did you even know?" I ask. He hops up and walks around to open my door. He helps me out and holds my hand, "I knew you'd want to say goodbye before going away for so long, so I asked around a bit," he says. "Will you lead the way?" He asks. "If you're comfortable of course."

We enter the cemetery as I lead the two of us to my Father's gravestone. We approach his stone, and I feel the tears begin to build. The two of us just stand and look at it, both working through our own complicated emotions. Matty breaks the slience, "I loved him. He was always so good to me." I squeeze his hand tighter, "I know. He loved you too, like a son," I say.

We stay a minute longer, but I feel Matty pull away. "I'm gonna give you a minute on your own, don't worry, I'll just be in the car," he says. I appreciate him giving me the space to talk to my Dad.

I stand uncomfortable for a moment, while I think of what I could possibly say that could explain these past few months.

"Um, hey Dad. Yep, that was Matty. You're probably shocked, it's um been a while since he's been around but uh yeah, he's back. His band has totally blown up recently, he's heading out onto his first tour today, and well I'm going with him. I'm managing the tour and stage design so I'm tagging along. I know, this is all so crazy and makes no sense, but he's back and we're back together. Well not like that. But also not, not like that. Ugh I don't know. But, today we had to New York City. I'm beyond excited, I've never been to America. I love you so much Dad, I miss you everyday, but I feel comfort thinking you'd be so proud of me. I love you." 

I look one last time back towards his gravesite, and head back to the car. I hop in and give Matty a kiss on the cheek. "Thank you. Really, thank you so much," I tell him. He kisses me on my forehead gently, and quietly asks, "ready to head off?" I nod, ready to take on this new chapter.