nineteen; decisions

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Parker had her fingers hovering over the keyboard of her phone, do not answer written at the top. Part of her wanted to tell him to fuck off, while the majority of her wanted to just agree with whatever he said. She wanted to think rationally about it, but she knew that was hard when it came to Drew, he had always clouded her judgement.

Her mind drifted to an instant from a few years earlier, one of the first cracks in their relationship. He hadn't ever necessarily had the best ideas, and this fact was proven by his influence on Parker. She shook the memory away not wanting to get into it and then looked back down at her phone. She let out a frustrated sigh, quickly typing out a response.

do not answer

I need you to come over.

I also need you to come over and tell me all the reasons why this would work. and I need you to be real with me drew because I don't know if I have another bad break up in me.

I really need you to give me those reasons bc right now I'm not feeling too confident about this...

:::

Parker sent the last text, clicking the off button and then sitting the phone face down. She stared at the back of it, one of her tests already in fruition. How long would it take him to answer? If he was truly as  invested as he was making himself out to be then he would answer quickly. But if he—

The phone buzzed on the table, her hands flying to grab it. She turned it over, her heart dropping to her feet when she saw the name at the top.

do not answer.

She unlocked the phone, pressing the notification and reading over the text, her heart pounding as she did. She gulped when she saw that he had agreed to come over, the girl immediately turning the phone off again  and standing from the couch. She ventured into the kitchen, pulling open her fridge and grabbing a glass from the cabinet. She dispensed a glass of cheap box wine into her cup, immediately taking a sip as she tried to  come to terms with the fact that she could be making another life altering mistake. And yet the hopeless romantic in her couldn't help but sigh and yearn and cheer at the fact that this was happening.

Her thoughts got the better of her and she reopened the fridge, pulling out a bottle of vodka and sighing. She cringed as she mixed the vodka and wine, knowing this concoction would have her on her ass but it was late and she was already making stupid decisions. She took the vodka to the couch with her, relieved that she had a full handle.

She tried to keep her mind off of who was coming over, the girl turning her tv on and drowning out the noise in her head. It was only about 30 minutes before there was a knock on the door, her heart jolting from her chest. At this point she had had 3 of her specially made drinks, a goal of trying not to make it seem like she was about 10 minutes away from being drunk. Tipsy was an understatement for what she was feeling, but the fear in her body overwhelmed the alcohol and she stumbled towards the door.

Drew stood on the other side of the door, his heart racing and nausea peeling through him. He wasn't sure if this was right, if he should be here. But his body burned in anguish from being just a door away from her, and he needed relief from the agony.

The door handle turned and he felt a breath of intense relief swell in his lungs, the girl looking at him with those big beautiful eyes. When the door fully opened he caught a glimpse of her, overwhelmed by the tension and energy she was emitting immediately. He felt the pressure in his mind and the begging to not act but he couldn't help himself, the man reaching forwards and grabbing her by the face. She gasped as he pushed his lips against hers, her finger reaching to to grip his wrist as she accepted the kiss. He could taste the vodka on her lips and it only made them more irresistible. She could feel how fast his heart was beating from her fingers in his pulse and she managed a smile as she slid her arm around his waist. She pulled him inside and he kicked the door closed, the man unable to stop himself from endlessly pining after her. She ruined him, she constantly and consistently ruined him and he couldn't get enough of it. It was torture but he savored it like being damaged by her touch was worth all of it and more.

"Stop." One word from her mouth and he pulled back, although a tremor of disapproval shook his body. She pushed herself as far away from him as she could manage, her back touching the countertop behind her as she tried to catch her breath. Her eyes were glued to his chest because she knew that looking at his face would give her no means to hold back anymore. Her lips parted and she let out a shaky breath, quick to hold a hand up to keep him back. "We can't do that. No I asked you over to talk. Not for that."

Her eyes flickered up to his face and she was caught off guard by the look in his eyes and the way his bottom lip trembled for a moment. He seemed to catch it himself, bringing a hand up and running it over his face before he walked towards the couch, leaning against the back of it. He felt insatiable as he looked up at her and he decided to speak to quench his hunger for her, the words coming out of his mouth at a quickened pace.

"You wanted me to give you all the reasons why this would work. Okay." She watched as the gears in his brain turned and then he spoke as if it pained him to keep the words inside. "It'll work because we both want it. It'll work because we know what's wrong and what's right now. It'll work because I'm in love with you, and that year without you was hell. It'll work because being with you is fucking terrifying but I can't go another day thinking that we don't have a future if I don't do something about it. I'm so afraid of how you can hurt me but I'm even more afraid of missing our chance. I really...really think it's gonna work this time. I think out of all the times we've tried...it's finally the right one."

Parker licked her lips, her eyes closing as she realized just how right he was. She had the same feeling...this time it would work out. His profession of love left her with reddened cheeks and a pit in her stomach that was deep, the girl feeling her heart sink slowly into it. She felt the effect of his words on her, her skin warming and the alcohol seeming to help contribute. She weighed the decision in her head and realized she didn't need anymore convincing, his lips had convinced her before his words had.

"Okay." His eyes lit up and he started taking steps towards her but she held her hand up, speaking again. "We don't tell anybody. Get ourselves worked out together and then tell people. But not till we're in a good place."

"Okay."

"But you can't stay right now. I've got—I have some work to do." She wasn't lying, but she also knew that she wanted to start slow again, and giving in immediately was not a good start to that plan. His face fell but he nodded, and she grabbed her glass, walking towards the couch and sitting down on it. He watched her in confusion as she opened her laptop, the man confused by what she was doing. She looked up at him and he got the memo, his eyebrows furrowing as he started towards the door. He grabbed the handle, confused as he left the apartment. No goodbye, no talking, she had just agreed to be in a relationship with him again and she hadn't even afforded him a single bit of attention. He shook his head as he stepped into the elevator, still unable to doubt his decision but entirely disappointed. It was only a moment before his phone dinged, the man looking down at it and immediately letting a smile grow on his face.

parker :)

Dinner at mine tmw. 8 pm. Don't be late <3

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