Natural Born Leader (Carl Grimes x OC)

Chapter Twelve: We're Good

The air has the smell of wood in it mixed with a cool breeze coming from the North.  I'm outside the walls again, and I know I shouldn't be.  All I've got with me is a a knife, my handgun, and my bow.  I took all of them from the armory this morning.

It's been a week since the party and getting drunk on the roof with the other Alexandria teens.  Daryl says I've been adjusting well, though the feeling of getting more comfortable somewhere scares me.  I check on the kids every single day to make sure none of them are having problems.  Deanna put me in charge of making sure that all of them go to school, so I've been enforcing that upon them, at the dismay of Fernanda.  She misses teaching them.  But she's learning more things on her own now and has been helping out at the garage school Alexandria has.  Lulu has been happier lately, or that's what Jesse has told me.  Most of the kids like it here.  Some of them are scared for the day Alexandria falls.  I am too.

I haven't talked to Carl much in the past week.  Only a few small talk conversations here and there.  I've been keeping myself from him after that whole drunken talk we had about Linley.  Part of me aches to speak with him again, especially since I haven't exactly been on speaking terms with Kai and Linee.  Linee is still upset over what I said about her dying giving birth, and Kai is his usual self, just quieter.  I've been hanging out with Enid a lot lately, and it turns out she leaves the walls of Alexandria as well, though she's not with me now.

I walk through the woods quietly, avoiding all loud sticks that I could step on.  My bow is in my hand, an arrow ready.  There is no real goal of me being out here, I just needed some time to myself and I used to get that when I would go on runs or go hunting for the group.  Deanna and Rick haven't let me go on runs yet.  They say it's because they haven't gotten around to telling me all the rules yet.  I think they could come up with a better excuse that than.  It's okay, though, because I know that I'll eventually persuade them to let me go.

Spotting a bunny that's around twenty feet away, I step behind a tree and raise my bow, aiming precisely at its neck.

"Ashtyn!"

The bunny does a small jump and runs away, disappearing into the leafy maze of the forest.

"Ashtyn!  I know you're out here!" Carl's voice yells again.  Turning around, I see him walking with his back to me, hands cupped over his mouth to make him louder.

I put my arrow back into the holder and sling my bow back over my shoulder.

"I'm right here, Grimes." I raise my arms from my side, annoyed.  "Why are you out here?"

Carl faces me.  "Why am I out here?  I'm looking for you.  Why are you out here?" His eyes move from my bow to the arrows being carried on my back, to the gun tucked into my jeans, and to the knife in my shirt pocket.

Huffing, I look around me, gesturing vaguely to the woods as an answer to Carl's question.  "Why are you looking for me?" And I do really want to know.  How did he even know I was out here?  I told Kendra that if anyone asks where I am she should give them a very vague answer and not respond to any further questions.

"I saw you leaving through the back entrance," Carl says.  "You're not supposed to be out here yet, so I followed you."

"Well, you've found me.  You can go back now." I turn and start walking away.

"Hey!" Carl's footsteps follow me until I feel a hand on my shoulder, spinning me around.  I cannot remember the last time someone was so directly physical with me as much as Carl is.  "There's a lot of walkers outside of the walls of Alexandria for you to just be cruising around.  You could get attacked."

"I'm flattered by your efforts in having me not die, but I'm not going back just yet," I tell him, shrugging his hand off and continuing to walk.

To my irritation, Carl continues to follow me.  "Fine.  Then I'll just come with you," he says.

My expression turns sour.  "I don't need you to try and protect me."

"Maybe I don't want to protect you.  Maybe I just want to talk because you've been acting like I don't exist for the past week."

I stop, turning to Carl.  "You don't know me, Carl." I throw my arms up.  "I am some random person to you.  It should not hurt if I treat you like the stranger you are."

Carl rolls his eyes.  "Cut it out with the emotional bull crap." He steps closer to me.  "Everyone has shit they carry with them around here, so you have to realize it's not a bad thing that you told me about your bracelet.  Linley."

I take a step away from him.  How dare he bring this up.  "You have no idea the shit I carry." I whip back around and start marching away again.

"Shane.  Shot him in the head after he turned into a walker because my dad had to take him down after he tried to kill my dad."  Carl's voice is steady, like he's been waiting to say all this out loud.  I stop walking.  "Sophia.  She was the only other kid in our group at the beginning.  She got lost in the woods and we found her as a walker later."  I'm still not facing Carl.  I'm just frozen.  "My mom.  She gave birth as walkers were attacking our base at the time.  Emergency c-section.  She died so I had to shoot her in the head to finish it off."

"Carl-" I turn around.

"I almost had to shoot my dad.  I thought he was dead and he wouldn't wake up for two days after an attack on our base by another group.  Held up my gun to shoot him, but I just couldn't." Carl is completely still.  He's not proud of these things he's done, but he admits them.  Because they happened.  Shit happens.

"I'm sorry," I apologize.  "I'm sorry, okay?  I say a lot of crap all the time."  I rub my lips together before I speak again.  "I'm just not used to telling people stuff.  I was drunk, so it was easier, but the past week I just didn't want to deal with it."

Carl nods, understanding.  "I get it.  It's okay, Ashtyn."

We both stare at each other for a bit before I say something.  "Are we good now?  Because you are kinda fun to talk to, I guess."

Carl let's out a laugh.  "We're good."