Fashion It Away

10

After we have delivered our first 300 orders, we decided to do a small celebration. Nothing special, just a nice dinner. We ordered food from a fancy restaurant. While we waited for the food to arrive, all of us were busy doing something. Rajat was on his phone and Aanchal with her books, and in those couple of minutes I tried to look around me. Everything with this start-up, shoots, designs, and orders have tangled us so much, especially me, that I didn't get a second to think about Rajat. Or anything about us. The conversation we had that day, just ended there. None of us tried to know the conclusion of that matter.

But before my train of thoughts could take me anywhere else, the doorbell rang. After we devoured our fancy meal, we all gossiped, danced, and laughed for another hour till the red wine put Aanchal to sleep. Rajat seemed busy doing something on his phone, so I let him do his work and went to the balcony of my room. The air was cold and pleasant, and since it was almost midnight, the night sky seemed beautiful.

'What are you doing here?', Rajat asked me from my bedroom door. I got startled for a moment. I wasn't expecting him. 'Nothing... just enjoying the night sky I guess,' I replied and continued my star gazing. He slowly came and stood beside me. I didn't look at him, but I could feel the heat of his gaze all over my body. But soon he wasn't looking at me anymore. He was looking up at the stars, just like I was. Everything was so quiet and peaceful. The roads were empty. Not a single soul could be seen. It was midnight after all.

Being in this moment felt nice. Being in this moment with Rajat felt even nicer. In these past few months, so much has changed. I wasn't the person I was the day I stepped into Delhi anymore. I didn't know Aanchal would end up becoming my best friend. I didn't know I would, or could even think of starting my own business and building a brand. And above all, I wouldn't have even dreamt of meeting Rajat again, and having him by my side while all of that happened. I turned to look up at him. Star gazing was fine, but this view was much better. In a few seconds, Rajat turned to face me. 'What?', he asked. 'Nothing', I replied and looked the other way. 'I know you better than you think. C'mon, tell me what is it?' he asked again. The moment was going fine. I could have said anything to him to ignore that question and he wouldn't have repeated it. But I choose otherwise. 'Don't you get tired? Like ever?... from all of this?' To my question, I got a scowl from him. 'What do you mean?' he asked, more serious this time. 'I mean, you have a decent job, yet you choose to start blogging just to help my business flourish, and all of that costs you a lot of your time, right? So, don't you feel like, maybe it's too much? Or I don't know...' I took a few breaths 'I guess I'm just trying to ask you if you ever regret saying yes to this blogging thing, where you don't even get anything out of your hard work,' I looked down. For whatever reason, I was feeling a little bit embarrassed for asking him that. But it was a valid question. He didn't speak for a few minutes, and that did scare me. Why can't I just keep my mouth shut for once?

'Look at me,' he said, calm as always. But I couldn't make myself look up at him. 'Nitya... look at me.' Damnit!

I looked up at him. 'Good. Now tell me, do you remember the exact time you asked me to blog for your business?', he asked me. His question confused me, he knows I didn't ask him to do the blogging. And then it hit me, what he was trying to say. I smiled a bit. 'I see where you're going with this, still I just...', 'No. You don't,' he said cutting me. I stared at him, and he did the same. 'You don't. Because if you did, you wouldn't have asked me that,' he said blankly. 'I don't know why you feel like this. I have known you since my school days. And this is... not good,' he continued. 'Stop feeling like you're bothering people, whenever they try to do something for you that you didn't ask for. It's their choice, no?', he tilted his face. I was left with nothing to reply to him with, so I just decided to keep smiling. I tried to fight the urge to thank him for all of this because I knew he would not accept it, only I couldn't fight it for long. 'Thank you!', I said and he turned again to face me. He had the tiniest smile on his, yet it made him look prettier than usual. 'Thank you for everything. I couldn't have done this alone, had it not been for you and Aanchal. But you owe the bigger thank you, for so many other reasons. So, thank you,' I said with the biggest smile I could pull off at that moment. Surprisingly, he accepted my thank you with a nod. He didn't try to factualize it. That made me happy, and we went into silent mode again. Devouring the night view. I've forgotten for how long we have been standing here, yet I hoped to have a couple of hours left before we actually have to say bye. 'But you're wrong about one thing', he said which made me turn towards him immediately. 'What?' 'You said you felt bad for me not getting anything in return for my hard work. That's not true.' I shot him a confused look. 'I get to see your smile when my blogs do their magic', he ended the statement with a wink. Blood immediately rushed to my cheeks, and I started laughing to hide that. I felt embarrassed by how much a simple sentence and that simple expression of his could make my heart race. 'That's so....', 'Cheesy? Yeah, I know,' and he started laughing too, while I prayed for him to not notice anything.

Our laughs gradually settled and I realized, how happy I felt around him. This wasn't the first time I was laughing with him. We have shared laughs, smiles, and moments before. I've always been the happiest around him. Only I didn't know if he felt the same. That day, he said he had things to say to me too. But I never got to know what those were. I couldn't bring myself to ask him or discuss with him anything about that day. But I was feeling the urge to ask him about that. Now. I didn't know what could be the end result of this curiosity, but I had to, someday. Why not right now? 'That day, you said, you wanted to tell me something too...', and I felt him turning his face towards me. I wasn't looking at him. I couldn't. I could only do one brave thing at a moment. And right now, knowing what he had to say was more important than maintaining eye contact. 'I couldn't bring myself to ask you anything about that. I understand if you don't want to share it anymore... but I'd like to know what was that, that you wanted me to know.' I said and stopped. I still wasn't looking at him. Part of me was scared, and part of me felt immature for asking that. We were kids. It possibly doesn't even matter now, whatever he had to say. But how do I make my stupid heart understand that?

It has been a few minutes and Rajat hadn't spoken anything. I could feel a sudden change. The air wasn't feeling very airy now. Something dropped about the moment. It was then I realized I might have ruined it. I ruined it. I shouldn't have said anything. I could have lived with the parts of Rajat I already had. I didn't have to know everything. How do I get myself in this every time? I was willing to do anything to undo whatever I said. 'You know what, just forget...', I turned to look up at him only to find him staring at me. His lips tilted slightly. You can definitely not tell whether he is actually smiling, or smirking, or if that's just how his face is. I stared back for a few more seconds before speaking. 'Why are you staring at me like that?', 'Just waiting for you to finish that sentence'. My heart sank even deeper. Does this mean he doesn't want to tell me, or he doesn't have anything left to say anymore? '...just forget I asked you anything. There you go.' I sighed. Before I could think anything anymore, his hand landed on my waist and with one brisk movement, he pulled me to him. One of my hands rested on his shoulder and the other on his arm, while I managed to fix my eyes on him God knows how. But then again, nothing that happened tonight felt normal, so it made sense, I guess.

A few seconds into his arms and I could feel my skin burning from his gaze, and everywhere his body met mine. We were a few inches apart. My heart started racing, and I wondered if he was feeling the same. I have never been physically this close to anybody before. But no wait!... Rajat did hug me once before. But it was nothing like this. The moment we were in. Right now. Right here.

My ears were slowly turning red, and I felt the heat flowing. His right hand reached my face and tugged the loose strand of hair behind my ear. 'You have no idea what effect you have on me', he said. His voice, so low and soft, but clear enough for me to understand. 'I had a lot of things to tell you that day. But now that you asked to forget about that, I'd like to tell you something else... Close to what I thought of telling you years ago, but it's new'. He said and paused. My hands started sweating. I felt weak in my knees. I knew what was going to happen. Everybody does at moments like this. I just didn't know how to react to that yet. Then again, I felt stupid for thinking that. Nobody knows how to react at these moments. But the fact that I have never had a moment like this before was enough for me to think that way. And before I could think of another letter, Rajat leaned and slowly kissed me. 'I love you! I've always loved you.' It only took one kiss and 8 words to make me forget everything about the rest of the world. I felt light. Kind of the feeling you get when you land on clouds. Yes. I did forget about Rajat for a brief moment in my life. But nobody knows how much I have prayed for him to feel the way I felt for him. Nobody knows how much I've cried for not being able to express to him how I felt. Nobody knows how much I cursed my fate for ruining every good thing that came into my life. All of that has led up to this moment. And it was my turn to act on it. I'd be lying if I said I am not terrified that fate might ruin this too. But I was sure for a fact that it was either Rajat or nobody. 'I love you too!', I replied and kissed him back.