Nobody Like You

New Semester, New Me

Lia

My younger self will slap me for saying this, but I cannot wait for school to start.

Summer was... crazy. Crazy may not even be the right word to describe it. Overwhelming? A whirlwind of emotions? An utter shitstorm?

There is nothing I need more now than the crippling workload and constant deadlines of college to occupy my mind and stop it from spiraling into the pit of shame and regret.

And the first step to achieve that is to survive this dreadful car ride.

I lean against the headrest and stare out into the sea of vehicles. The 405 highway is as packed as ever, especially in the late afternoon.

"Romeo eh," my mother pipes up, "if you have trouble with your AP biology class, you want Dr. Kim as a tutor? I visit him every month for my herbs. We are good friends."

I glance at my brother. His eyes are glued to his phone as he responds with a curt grunt.

"I took an upper-level biology class last year," I chime in. "I can help too."

The car falls silent. For the next few minutes, there is no sound except for the occasional clicking of the turn signal whenever my father changes lanes. And when my mother speaks again, it is about Dr. Kim and how helpful he can be to Romeo.

I swallow back a comment about how this 'Dr. Kim' is not even a licensed doctor and sink further into the car seat. There is no point. My mother is not going to listen to me. She never does.

For the entire car ride from Orange County to Los Angeles, my mother drones on and on about Romeo's high school classes, Romeo's extracurriculars, Romeo's college applications. Romeo, Romeo, Romeo. Not once does she talk about me.

It's almost like we are not driving to drop me off for my second year in college.

Despite her incessant interrogation, the only responses my mother could elicit from Romeo are these grunts. He is leaning against the other end of the car, the two of us as far apart as we physically can be inside a small Toyota Corolla.

For as long as I can remember, our family has been like this. My father: quietly performing his duty, whatever my mother instructs him to do. My mother: showering Romeo with all her care and attention. My brother: receiving said care and attention with a sullen face and the least amount of gratitude one can have.

And me, the older daughter who is completely ignored—so much so that when I came out to my parents over the summer, all I was met with were blank stares.

Not judgmental, not disgust, not confusion. Not any reaction I had been preparing myself for.

Blank.

I even Google-translated 'lesbian' so I could tell my parents in both English and Korean, in case they did not understand what I mean. They definitely understood me. They just chose to ignore me, as usual.

But as much I disliked the way my parents reacted, it was still much better than Eunice's reaction.

Eunice...

The familiar ache returns to my chest. Before I could break down into tears again, I close my eyes and take in a shaky breath. And let it out.

My first year at UCLA was perfect. Too perfect. I met my roommate, RJ, and her girlfriend, Chloe. I hung out with them and their high school friends, Jon and Adrian, who are also queer. It was refreshing to be with people who are comfortable with their identities, to see queer relationships working out, to feel accepted as who I am—that I stupidly forgot what it was like back home.