It's Me

Batdadparenting

"Alright team, listen up!" Batman rumbled to get our attention before he addressed them again, "I've got an important mission for you, one I expect you all to take very seriously." He punctuated that statement with his patented Batglare (trademark pending), waiting until everyone looked sufficiently daunted, well other than me. It was pretty hard to stare someone who'd seen him threaten a pan of eggs with a batarang, into submission, I suppressed  a chuckle at that thought as B continued speaking.  

"I need you to protect an important Gotham Teenager who is in serious danger." His tone left no room for questions.

An implication apparently went over M'gann's head as she didn't hesitate to do just that. 
"Oooh, what's their name?" The martian enquired excitedly.

Other than the slight narrowing of his eyes, Bruce showed no outward signs of his annoyance, if I hadn't been distracted by the implications of the mission assignment, I'd have been amused by it. However I was just as eager as M'gann for his answer, more so in some ways, I was an uncomfortable mixture of impatient and trepidatious to hear the name of the endangered Gotham teen. So help me god if he said what I thought he might I was going to tell Alfred how long it'd been since he last slept...Or what he said about Ma Kent's pie being the best he'd ever had...

I clenched my fists, my blood running cold as he answered Miss M's question, "His name is Richard Grayson." His words were to the team, but his sharp gaze was focused directly on me, conveying a silent order not to react. 

He could not be serious. Forget the pie, I was telling Alfred about the encrypted file in the bat-computer he thought I didn't know about. The one with the schematics for a Brucie-bot he was trying to program to run W.E, host parties, and rest/recuperate whenever Alfred put his foot down and demand he take better care of himself.

I was fuming, how dare he, the overbearing, hypocritical, self-centered, control-freak!

Oblivious to my inner turmoil, Artemis scrunched up her forehead in confusion as she shared her thoughts on the subject.  "Richard Grayson? I think he goes to my school, isn't he that billionaire Bruce Wayne's kid? What's he need our protection for, he must have like a million body guards." 

Thank you Arty! I thought to myself, mentally giving the blonde archer a high-five. 

Unfortunately for me, Bruce efficiently shut her line of questioning down in the brusque, no non-sense Batman way I'd grown increasingly tired of.  "The threats that have been made are beyond a normal bodyguard's capability, they simply do not have the necessary experience and as such are not equipped to deal with this kind of situation. The team on the other hand, has years of specialized training to neutralize abnormal and/or extraordinary disasters and enemies, ones far beyond the scope of what regular law enforcement or hired guards have ever faced. The team has the right training and an impressive amount of field experience effectively handling even League level threats." Batman elucidated, this time his tone held enough intimidation and authority that even M'gann refrained from voicing another innocent question. She along with the rest of my teammates stood silently under the weight of a glare that had been known to make even hardened criminals wet their pants. Really, the man was such a dramatic bastard, he may have had the rest of my team glared into submission but his theatrics didn't work on me.

I shook my head, contemplating the crisis at hand, brought about by what I could only assume was a lethal combination of Batlogic, Batparinoia about sharing information/Bruce's aversion to normal human discussions, and emotionally constipated Batparenting. 

Despite knowing the futility of challenging him, especially in public, I had to do something, "Batman." Unflinchingly I met his glare head on as I hissed out his name and leveled him with the only thing scarier than the Batglare, the disappointed Alfred stare.

Seemingly unfazed by what I considered a pretty spot on execution of the Alfred stare down, he blandly threw a redundant order at me, obviously for the sake of my annoyingly  uninformed teammates. 
"And you will be sitting this one out Robin."
I huffed out an angry breath before grating out an over the top sarcastic, "Oh really?" Followed by the mother of all eye-rolls.
KF, like the rest of my team was laughably (more like aggravatingly) out of the loop, as per usual thanks to Batparinoia and it's offspring, stupid overcautious Batrules, "Why does he get to sit out rich kid babysitting?" Kid Flash objected, sounding a little confused, but mostly kind of annoyed. 

I resisted the urge to add on something like, 'yeah Batman why is that?' to Wally's question just to rile the neurotic contol-freak up. Only the threat of Batribution, likely in the form of further Robin benching, had me biting my tongue and letting him give whatever excuse he'd undoubtably concocted well in advance, just in case. 
"Robin will be assisting me on the other side of the mission, while the team protects Richard, Robin and I will be tracking down and dealing with whichever criminal parties are responsible for the threats against him." The bold faced lie flowing smoothly off his tongue, giving no indication that he was full of shit. 

I rolled my eyes again, tuning him out as he addressed the rest of the team again,
"It's settled then, be at Wayne Manor by six pm, Robin will give you the address. Be in civilian attire and pack enough clothing for the weekend, as well as your uniforms. I can personally assure you that your identities are secure, It is closely kept confidential knowledge, but for the sake of the mission I am authorized to tell you that the Wayne's are trusted benefactors of the league. As such they are aware that the team protecting Richard is made up of the League's proteges. However you are all welcome to take precautions if you are uncomfortable sharing your identities with the Wayne's." 

'Trusted benefactors' well that was one way of putting it, for a member of a superhero league committed to to truth and justice, the man sure had a casual relationship with honesty.

Pushing my agitation down, I flashed my teammates a cocky smirk, "Dark shades are the Batproved method of anal retentively maintaining ones secret identity among trusted friends and colleagues, just incase anyone thought they were just a light blocking fashion statement." I snarked, ignoring the constipated look of irritation on my mentor's face.

In response to my statement, Artemis snorted, M'gann giggled, while Wally, Conner and Kaldur let out varying levels of laughter, with Wally's loud guffawing overshadowing Conner's singular snicker and Kaldur's soft chuckles. I grinned, counting the event as a small victory against the oppression I suffered at the hands of the Bat Regime.

Putting an end to my teammates mirth Bruce cleared his throat and continued the mission briefing from hell.

"I have a few solid leads on the identities and whereabouts of the criminals involved, as such Richard Grayson should only require protection for a day or so, barring any unforeseen complications. If the problem is not resolved by Sunday evening you will be relieved by a member of the League, however that scenario is unlikely. For his safety, Richard will be confined to the manor and its grounds until the threat is neutralized, I will leave it to Aqualad to create watch schedules and patrol routes. The blueprints of the manor will be provided upon your arrival and the family's butler will give you a detailed rundown of the security systems and access to the security camera footage. Additionally Richard himself is also well versed in the manor's layout, and it's security precautions, he and Alfred are both able to answer any questions you may have." As he finished speaking he turned his head to look toward Aqualad for acknowledgment.

 Kaldur straightened under B's gaze, standing even taller as he regarded the man, "Understood Batman, you have my assurance that  no harm will come to Richard Grayson under our watch."

A curt nod was Batman's only response.

I let out another long-suffering sigh as I started to make my way towards my room wanting to take advantage of the limited alone time I had left in order to prepare myself for the upcoming shit-show. 

At the sound of my sigh Batman decided to add to his mission parameters, "One last thing before you go, Grayson dislikes being guarded, furthermore he doesn't believe that this threat is serious enough that the extra precaution of trained heroes is necessary. He has been known to slip his protection details in the past, do not underestimate him, he is more capable than he appears, do not let him out of your sights."