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"You are so cute..." Stacy said as she watched me take a small bite out the broccoli that I was eating. "Fine ass." She said making me mumble.
"Look I appreciate you being here for me but I already told you-"
"You're not ready for a relationship. You want to be the best mom you can be," Stacy said low key mocking me. "I know Renee." She said shaking her head playfully.
I just looked at her and smiled softly.
It's been nice having Stacy around. She is someone that I can talk to about any and everything. Everybody in my life has been a pain in my ass these past few months. Devale and I have completely cut each other off and we have just working around each other. I told Tyler that I would only do one interview with him, the rest I want to do with the girls or by myself. We've built so much together and I'm not saying all that has to end, but our break is still so fresh that I know if I see him too soon everything I said about us not being in love, will go out the window.
Stacy and I are just friends right now. I told her that I'm not ready to date anybody right now because I'm just too damaged. I don't want to be damaged, I want to be in love. But, I have to love myself in order to let somebody love me. It's sad to admit this but Devale made me very insecure about the way I choose to love. So I am taking my power back and I am choosing to love this baby that's growing inside of me as if it's already here. I'm gonna give this motherhood thing my all.
"Crystal broccoli is good for you." Stacy chuckled.
"Yeah when it's cooked, why is it raw and cold?" I ask her looking down at my plate.
She looked at my food and shook her head. "Do you want something else?" She asked me.
"No, but thank you. The salad is actually good." I say pleased with a smile.
Nothing has been appealing to my appetite these past few days. I don't know why but I want to throw up everytime I eat. I think it's because the things I used to eat aren't as good for my body, so I had to do a little diet shift. Now it fees like I'm on a vegan diet.
"Um look I go back to LA soon, but I was thinking--" Stacy stopped talking and cleared her throat. "I want you to move in with me Crystal. I want to make up for that lost time." I took the fork out of my mouth and started chewing slowly.
I didn't know how to respond to her request. It felt like it was too soon to say yes to moving in with her, but it was also true what she was saying. So much time has passed when it comes to us, I don't want to miss out on anything else either.
