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"Can you say Merry Christmas Kota? Can you?" I groaned impatiently as I listened to Khadeen try to get Kota to say "Merry Christmas" for the tenth time today.
Not to sound like a Scrooge, but I'd rather be upstairs in bed, asleep. I love when my family comes to Brooklyn for the holidays. We always have fun and we make a lot of memories. My family and Khadeen's family, equals good times. But this year just doesn't feel right. I mean I guess I put the side eyes on myself and all the judgement. I don't expect anyone to respect me or take me seriously this year. Everybody here is grown except for the kids, but I just don't want it to be too obvious that my wife and I are on bad terms. My kids are young but they're not stupid. One slick comment between Khadeen and I, and it will throw the entire day off.
I saw Crystal posting a few things on her IG story. She's in Tennessee with her family which I think is a good thing for her. I know she's probably about to face way more judgement with her family than I am with mines. I wish I could be there with her just so they can have someone else to blame. They can hate me from miles away but Crystal does not deserve to take all that heat by herself.
"I'm hungry." Khadeen said looking at me.
"Me too." I said nodding my head. I sighed deeply and looked around. "Look Khadeen we don't have to create small talk. We can have an actual conversation if you're ready." I tell her.
Khadeen scoffed, "If I'm ready? You mean you're ready?" She asked me.
"I don't want to argue." I tell my wife.
She looked at me and stood up. "Come on." She said reaching for my hand.
I stood up and grabbed her hand. She lead me upstairs to the only room that wasn't full of guest. Our bedroom. I sat down on the bed and Khadeen sat down on my lap.
"I missed you." She easily confessed.
"We haven't been apart for that long." I tell her.
"It doesn't matter. You're still my husband.. as much as you hate it." She mumbled.
I sigh deeply, "Look I don't hate you and I definitely don't hate being married to you." I said. "I just like bubble that Crystal and I have created. It feels safe and warm, it's like you're doing the wrong thing but you can't stop because it's so much fun." I try to explain.
Khadeen leaned back against me and kissed my jawline.
"It was fun for me too, at first, but it's not fun anymore." She whispers. "I want my regular life back and I want the marriage we had before. If I can't have that than I don't want anything with you at all." She expresses.
I listen to her words and nod my head. This was the first time I was actually listening to Khadeen and not being selfish, only thinking about myself. That does no good.
