Ruin In Royals (Royal #1: Book 2) | ✔

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-• nightmares •-

Consumed with darkness, the night is eerie, empty, soulless. The greedy air licks at my bare arms, and I shiver, wrapping them around my body, a futile attempt to comfort myself.

I find myself stranded on the bridge.

Silence speaks here.

As if it's calling me from all possible directions.

I don't know where to look, whom to find, or what to wait for.

"Tara," I jolt straight hearing the familiar voice. Warmth embraces me. There's someone here with me. I'm not alone.

A smile on my face as I turn. Then it drops.

It's Vivaan. Standing on the guardrail, holding around the edges as he stares at me. I frown. "Bha- Bhai?"

He smiles ruefully. "You were right. I stand here, every year, in an attempt to tell myself that I've moved on. But I haven't." His face grows sombre. "I haven't, Tara."

I take a step forward in his direction when, "Tara!"

Agastya.

I whirl around in shock. He stands on the opposite guardrail, holding the edge, tears streaming down his eyes. "I can't do this anymore. I tried, you know."

"I tried, Tara." My head snaps towards Vivaan. "I tried."

"But it keeps coming back." I look at Agastya.

"Like a boomerang." My eyes stray back to Vivaan. "It's just, I'm stuck, Tara. I'm stuck in that moment."

"I can't move on. I'm trapped there." Agastya whispers.

"No, what- what's going on?" I shake my head, blink my eyes to make sure this is not real. It's a nightmare. I'm having a nightmare. My brothers are safe and sound. But then I open my eyes and the reality stays. I stay. Torn between two ends, both carrying a part of me, prepared to end it with themselves.

"I'm sorry, love." Vivaan murmurs.

"No, no, no," but before I could go to him,

"Forgive me, short stuff." Agastya apologises.

"No-" their grip come off the handrail, their body leans back and then it drops. "No!" I scream.

The black night withers away. That grim world dissolves, disappears. I come back to my room, on my bed, heaving and gasping for air, my eyes on the ceiling, dizzy, dazed as I chase the rotations of the fan. It spins on a slow speed, and I count each rotation, breathing in and out, in and out, until I'm breathing normally again, and the last images of that vivid nightmare are out of my head.

I fist the ends of the pillow beneath my head, clench my jaw tight so the tears don't spill, but they do, and in a matter of seconds, I'm sobbing. The more I grow to love this life, love my family, the more I feel a part of myself is wilting off slowly. Like dried, curled petals on the outside of a blooming rose. And I'm afraid, soon it's going to corrupt me whole. I love my boys. God, I love them.

But it's exhausting.

Facing Yuvraaj and blinding myself to everything he's doing right and wrong with Rudra behind the curtains is exhausting. Talking to Vivaan and acting all fine is exhausting. Helping Agastya while I'm breaking from within because of that night is exhausting. Reassuring Dad that I'm fine is exhausting. Faking excitement for my first day tomorrow at University in front of Janet and the twins is exhausting. Comforting myself that I'm doing nothing wrong by letting my heart choose who it wants despite the consequences is exhausting.