Until We Meet Again

39. we never grow up

A lot can change in 4 years. Children turn into teens and teens turn into adults. Seasons change and the cold somehow becomes less impactful each time. I turn into a new person and shed tears with the realization that I'm not the human I used to be, both for better and worse. 

As a 22 year old, I've become accustomed to solitude. 

I get out of work everyday and come home to my tiny apartment, stuck with my thoughts and views of skyscrapers full of other people like me.

My family is in another state, still in that place I've called home for almost my entire life. They were against me moving away from home right after graduation, but they weren't against the strangely high entrance salary that came with this new position as a journalist at a well-known company. I send money to them often instead of buying random shit I don't need, which may also contribute to the currently very minimalist state of my apartment. 

Nina moved with Dash to a Caribbean island for med school after a 6 month break from each other as if a getaway can solve everything. She had made the decision to switch to being pre-med two years ago, and was accepted without much effort. I always joke with her that she can become my personal doctor after she's all done, but she always refuses since she says I don't need any plastic surgery. In the meantime, we enjoy our long-distance movie nights and gossip sessions. Dash is in the background of her screen sometime, doing remote work for some on the business side of a furniture brand that sounds too complicated for me to understand, but it makes him happy and that's what counts at least. 

Madison is off in LA as a web developer, making me wonder why the hell everyone is so obsessed with that place. She told me the beaches and the money bring her there, which I can't blame her for. 

We've all gotten accustomed to our new lives. My New York City lifestyle is one I once dreamed about, I used to romanticize it so much. Turns out, it's just full of expensive leaky pipes in apartments and rats roaming around on the subway. But, I still love it. For the most part.

I recall Augustine once said it was the place that she would never move to but according to Instagram, she moved here from France for grad school to work on her writing techniques and skills or whatever. It's a big city, I know my chances of seeing her again are practically 0 but that risk still makes me avoid walking around certain parts of NYU. 

Rowan also moved to the city according to Nina, they came to med school to become a psychiatrist. I wouldn't ever speak to them again though . . . too soon? It might be, considering that I'm still blocked from viewing their social media posts. I don't blame them, I'm not particularly fond of my 18 year old self too. She was wrong about almost everything, and she made too many promises that couldn't be kept.

I stopped checking up on Delilah's accounts two years ago, but according to the last of what I saw, she was still living in LA with her girlfriend. I don't even know what she does for work, but I don't really care. Her parents have probably handed her over the company by now with no effort made at all. Spoiled rich girls can get away with anything. 

As I sit on the beige couch my parents bought for me as a gift a few months ago, I almost feel like holding breath as I stare out the windows once again. It's part of my evening routine, I can be nosy and get insight into what other people are doing around me. I frequently find one couple getting into fights almost daily with things being thrown around and maids cleaning up after their destruction, and I often see middle aged ladies dancing around with glasses full of red wine like there's a daily celebration going on that no one else is aware of. 

I was 21 the last time I had alcohol, it was my birthday week and Nina wanted to go to a club without having to use any fakes. The colors of the lights all blended together the more I drank of silly mixtures of liquid and I made out with too many girls that night. I've remained single since that ridiculous vow I made when I was 18 to stay single for a long time, but numerous one night stands have been sprinkled in throughout the years.