i miss you, im sorry || matt sturniolo

031

✰┊❛THOUGHTS❜┊✰

TW: MENTIONS ABT SELF HARM!

"emersyn its gonna be okay" matt says comfortingly, rubbing the girls head which lied on his lap

"i dont know what to do, matt, ive been holding it in for too long and its driving me insane" emersyn sobs

"i know" he says

"and i dont want to burden you because youre going through things too and i dont want you to worry about me while having to worry about yourself" she says

"im always gonna be here for you, no matter what. thinking about self harm is a really big deal, im glad you came to talk to me about it. youre not being a burden, emersyn" he looks down at her "just talk to me about it"

"ive been having thoughts about self harm since i was 13, way before my parents. i was struggling with my anxiety and body image and i remember this day vividly. i was going to my old friends birthday party and i felt so ugly and i burst into tears. i grabbed a lighter that i had on my desk and i was contemplating whether or not to do it and get it over with. and when the fire was near my skin i just put it out and threw it on the ground" emersyn says, tears coming out of her eyes as she looked at matt "it was never like i wanted to kill myself, it wasnt like that. well maybe a little but not that much. i just felt like i deserved to feel that pain because i had always felt like a bad friend, a bad sister, a bad daughter, a bad everything. and i still get thoughts about self harm and ive never told anyone, not even luke and hes my best friend. and today i got a worst thought and i knew that if i didnt talk to anyone about it i was gonna end up doing it so i came over here" she rants as matt wipes her tears with his thumbs

"emersyn, youre amazing and beautiful and smart and pretty, dont let anyone tell you otherwise. but just think about it this way, what are the benefits of self harm? nothing. hurting yourself isnt gonna change things. hurting yourself is only gonna make you hurt yourself more. please just, whenever you get thoughts come to me or luke or chris or nick and we will help, but dont do it because you can get addicted to it." he strokes her hair, still looking at her

"i know. but theres always gonna be this tiny voice in the back of my head saying that i should do it because it will fix all of my problems" she says

"that little voice in the back of your head is fucking stupid" he says "emersyn we all love you, and its gonna be hard, i know it is, but it will end. i really wish i could take all your pain away"

"i know it will, i just feel like-" she gets cut off

"like doing it will make everything fall into place" he cuts her off

"exactly" she says

"emersyn you have to let things fall into place naturally, okay?, self harming isnt gonna do that." he says

"i know" she answers "thank you"

"anytime, em." he smiles at her "i hate seeing you like this"

"yeah" she wipes her tears

"go wash your face and put that pretty smile i love back on" he says

"but i have to cry a little more or else my eyelashes will not be as long as i want them to be" emersyn says

"thats why lash serum exists. go" matt chuckles

"fine"

✰┊❛I MISS YOU, IM SORRY❜┊✰