The Beginning After Everything

Chapter 4

Today marks the first day of the month of self-discovery. For the first week, I've decided to regroup myself, physically, mentally and emotionally. So the first 3 goals that I've picked out for this week is to establish a solid morning routine, plan out my week before the week starts and lastly, go on a much needed run. It's been ages since I've done any physical activity. Truthfully, I've been a bit of a slob recently and I can feel the belly rolls start to form in places they've never been before.

I wake up in the morning and automatically reach out for my phone, my other hand rubbing the sleep from my eyes. I jerk back my hand, almost forgetting the new morning routine I was trying out for the week. No phone. Healthy habits only.

Stretching out my arms and legs, I twist my back and rotate my neck, getting all the kinks and cracks out of the way before sitting up from bed. I grab my journal and a pen from the bed side drawer, starting off my days writing down 3 goals for the day and 3 things I'm grateful for. I've read from multiple journal articles that starting out your day like this can rework your mindset and set it in a more positive and productive way. 

So far, it feels pretty good but that just might be a placebo effect.

Anyways, while I'm flipping through my journal, I happen to find a journal entry that I wrote a week or so after the break up.

Hello Journal,
I'm having a really hard day. I'm on my period so my hormones are going wild. I haven't had much sleep over the past couple of days. I've been super busy, running about doing errands and everything else. I haven't been prioritising my body and my needs and I haven't been eating at correct times either.
Why do I suck? Why can't I keep it together?
It's barely begun and I'm already failing. I'm trying my best to maintain a positive outlook and remain optimistic but it's so hard when everything comes crashing down all at once.
I'm not managing myself well. I need to slow down and regroup.
Deep breathes.
Calm down.
Take it easy.
Everything is going to be okay.
I missed volleyball again. I physically couldn't get up this time. So I think that it was a good choice to skip it. Listen to your body.
If you need rest, you need rest. Don't push yourself too much. You're not superwoman.
Take it one day at a time. You've got this.

Journaling has become a strategy for me to release my emotions and to process my negative thoughts. My mind has been wired to emphasise on the negative before taking a step back and accessing the situation in a calm and composed manner. And finally, coming up with a solution. It's exhausting but it is what it is.

After finishing up my entry for the morning, I tossed the pillows that I had thrown off the bed during my sleep back into its rightful place. Fluffing the duvet removing all the crumples and making the bed more presentable.

I made my way to the bathroom, clipping my hair away from my face as I began my morning routine. I washed my face and lined up my products, carefully placing the serum and creams onto the tips of my fingers, rubbing it gently into my skin, from the centre outwards. This skincare routine has become the most therapeutic part of my day. It's where I've been the most loving and the most kind to myself, taking my time to pamper my skin and really take care of myself.

After getting myself ready for the day, I filled up my watering container and attended to my 7 babies. My 7 plants that I've accumulated throughout the year. Every time I was sad or depressed during university, I found myself seeking the plant nursery, searching for the green leafy creature I could take home with me. It had become quite an addiction honestly. Pascal. Zazu. Bing bong. Leo. Floppy. Shrek. And lastly Happy. All my babies.

Although, Nate did name more than half of them.

I shook my head, removing the intrusive thought from my mind. No more.

Settling myself back into my study room, I pulled out my laptop and opened my calendar. After carefully organising my classes and deciding which days I needed to go into university, I divided the rest of my time in blocks. Study blocks, spring cleaning, grocery shopping, errands, exercise and outdoor time, breaks. Yes, I know, I'm a maniac, I schedule my breaks as well.

I heaved a sigh of relief, looking satisfied at the magnificent plan I've constructed in front of me. Beautiful. It's colour coded, perfectly showcasing every single minute of my day.

All of the personalities I've taken have led me to one specific type. ISTJ-T. The Logistician. Personally, the description matches me perfectly.

People with this personality type mean what they say, and when they commit to doing something, they make sure to follow through. True.

They are known for their reliability, practicality, and their ability to stay grounded and logical, even in the most stressful situations. True.

Blind dates and random hookups are not Logisticians' preferred methods for finding potential partners. True.

Careers as military officers, lawyers, judges, police officers and detectives are all very popular among Logisticians. Well, now this, is false for me. I'm a true-blue engineering girl.

My phone rings, indicating I have a new message. I know that ring, it's the same ring I get every time Nate messaged me. The same excitement bubbled in my stomach, wondering if it was indeed him that reached out to me.

My mood dipped as I looked at the message ID. It wasn't him. But I should've known that. I shouldn't want to hear from him. I shouldn't. But you still do, a part small in my subconscious whispers in the back of my head. And unfortunately it's true.

Ashley: BABE, are you okay? I can't believe he did that. He's lucky I'm not in the same country as you, I would've taken a stick and shoved it so far up his ass for being such an asshole. CALL ME ASAP!

The message warmed my heart. Despite being across the world from each other, Ashley and I had always made time to catch up with each other and to tell each other all the gossip that's been happening in our lives. We've known each other since we were in kindergarten and we've been inseparable since.

Without thinking twice, I pressed the call button on her contact, desperately needing some of Ashley's comfort and support.