Running Home

Benjamin

*Author's Note:

THANK YOU ALL FOR 1.1K VIEWS! Thanks to everyone who has stuck with the book. Thanks to the people who only read it because I shove my phone in their face (you know who you are), and thanks to just everyone!

This chapter is written in Ben's point of view. It'll be in first-person p.o.v., so don't freak out. The whole changing p.o.v. thing is inspired by various books, and having his name as the chapter title is inspired by The Elementals, which was written by silversnowleopard .

Sorry I wasn't on my about every five day schedule. Finals and celebrations and everything has been so hectic lately. I'm working on increasing the length of my updates, but this one is a bit short. I'll try to be more regular again, and I hope you enjoy the chapter from Ben's point of view.

Thank you!

Edit:
Perfect artwork up there relates to the chapter. It is drawn by the also perfect silversnowleopard who just did that for me. They're perfect (have I said that yet?).

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It had been a day since I kissed her. She just walked away. I never checked to see if she made it to her bunker or anything; I just headed straight to mine.

I shared a bunk with Nolan. Across the room, Christopher, my brother, shared a bunk with another leader of the cause. His name was Peter Dunn, and he was Nolan's brother. Peter was about 25, and he was a photocopy of his brother. Or, I guess it would be the other way around.

When I first went to the bunker, it was just Nolan and me. I spent a good thirty minutes recounting the events to him.

"I don't get it. I just don't. She fell down and almost got stuck. I mean, she could have died if she didn't get out," I said.

"So you kissed her," Nolan replied. "Not a smart move."

"I kissed her, yeah. What's so wrong with that? The only wrong thing was her just saying no and walking away."

"What's wrong is the fact that she was kidnapped a week ago. She's probably not anxious to start a relationship, much less with the kidnapper's brother."

I was silent for a minute, processing what he had said. It took me a while to formulate a response that made logical sense.

"Is that all I am? Is that how everyone sees me- just as Christopher's brother?" I asked.

"Yes," he answered flatly. "And I'm Peter's little brother. That's all we are here."

"But I want to be more than that. I want to be more than that to Wren."

"Well, kissing her without talking to her first was not a good first step, so I'd suggest not losing your temper and going into your rejection mentality," he advised.

"What the hell do you mean by that?" I demanded.

"Number one: you get very aggressive and irritable, number two: you become a recluse for a few days, and lastly, you are just unpleasant to be around."

I fell silent yet again, and sat down on my bunk in thought. One of my greatest fears always was rejection, alongside failure. I had to succeed; I had to make every aspect of my life perfect. Whenever I don't, I fall to the dark side for a while.

I saw that I had been subconsciously biting my nails. The habit had developed when I first came to the base a few years ago. My brother had been building his rebellion, and I remained home with my mother. When she died, I came to live with him, which led to me eventually getting my leadership position. The stress of all of it is what brought on the bad habit.

I rummaged through a bag for a nail file, but I couldn't find one. I settled with scratching them back and forth on my hands. It didn't help with the rough edges, but it took my mind off of things. Unfortunately, this didn't last long.

"Benjamin Edward Glen, what the hell did you do?" Christopher demanded as he walked in.

I leapt to my feet.

"What?" I asked, attempting to conceal anything he didn't know.

"Your assignment is clear. You need to train the new recruit. That is all," he said.

"Yes, and that's what I've done so far."

"You also seem to have developed some feelings towards the girl. You tried to act upon those feelings, and now she's a distraction."

"No!" I exclaimed, "I mean, no, she won't be a distraction."

"Too late. Patrick has been assigned as her new supervisor. It's high time he moved up a rank, anyways."

I knew that any further arguments were useless efforts, so I just nodded my head. Sometimes it felt more like he was my drill sergeant than my brother. There was no love from him. I never received any appreciation or congratulations. He only saw room for improvement.

"No more romantic advances will be permitted," he said, finality in his tone.

"Yessir," I mumbled.

I flopped backwards onto the bunk. Of course he found out everything. The whole place was wired. I felt utterly dejected.

The next day wasn't much better. The practice alarm was lifted, and we all had to go up to the canteen for breakfast. I was the first to reach the table. Nolan had disappeared earlier that morning.

The first to arrive was Jamie, followed shortly by Patrick and Wes. Leo turned up a few minutes later. The tables around us filled up, and I went to grab the food. I balanced the tray in one hand and gripped a pitcher in the other, and I made my way back to the table. We were enjoying devouring the waffles in peace when Nolan showed up.

He was walking towards us. Wren was with him, her hand in the crook of his arm. She was laughing at something he had said, and he was beaming.

Before they could sit down, I excused myself and sped away. I had to get away. I had to get far away. I didn't realize how much I actually cared.

I bee-lined straight to the training room. Mindless exercises helped me forget. At least, they used to help me forget. Now I wasn't able to stop thinking about her, about me, about everything. Was she with Nolan?

Lifting weights did nothing for me but make me angrier. With every heave, I thought about betrayal. I remembered the smile on her face, her arm linked with his. The anger consumed me.

I heard the shatter before I realized what had happened. I had lost control and blacked out. I was still standing, but I had no recollection of throwing the weight at the mirror.

Staggering backwards, I stared at the shards of glass on the ground. Of course she rejected me. I was a burden, a liability. How had I not understood before?

It was the same thing I had been told since birth. My mother saw it. My brother saw it. I didn't comprehend it myself until them. I was problematic. I was expendable. I was a stupid kid. I wasn't worth anything.