the new day - samuel kiszka (greta van fleet)

23- down in a hole

IK ITS BEEN LIKE ALMOST A YEAR IM SO SORRY!! anyway i'm backkkk...

Rowan

Two weeks.

I wasn't me for two weeks.

I went to school as usual, avoided Eric at all costs, and I didn't hang out with Sam- outside of school anyway.

You're probably thinking, "Rowan, what a bitch move" but I don't know how to explain it other than saying that I felt dirty. I felt dirty- disgusting even. Sam didn't need that around him.

I felt like a used rag, or maybe a gross sponge. I had sucked all of the dirt from Eric into me, and I couldn't seem to ring it out.

Sam knew things were different, and he knew why. I think that's why he didn't push. He always knew how to handle overwhelming situations, something I wish I knew how to do myself.

It was a wednesday afternoon, school had just ended. Sam had asked me to come over that afternoon, but I told him I needed to catch up on my school work so I wouldn't be able to. It wasn't fully a lie- since the night of the party I hadn't been nearly as on top of my school work as I previously had been. I was always in a state of preoccupation, and my dad was starting to notice.

I drove myself home that day, as I had recently been. When I saw Sam and Danny walking together in the hallway I told them I missed them. I truly did- maybe too much.

That night my Dad was working, so I decided to do school work and try to preoccupy myself. I had a project for my film and media class that was a couple days late, so I decided to tackle that first before moving on to the homework from that day.

From about 3pm-7pm I worked on school, trying to keep my mind off of everything. I wanted to see the boys and Ronnie. I knew they could make me feel better, but I still felt gross. I wanted nothing more than for things to go back to normal, but I didn't know how.

As I started to finish up my project for film and media, I heard a familiar noise.

CLINK
CLINK
CLINK

Sammy's little clear marbles ricocheted off of my bay window, flopping down to the ground as they struck. He was leaning out the window with a flashy smile, gesturing for me to come to the window as he had many times before.

"Hey, Sammy." I said with a half hearted smile. It was hard not to crack even the slightest of grins when he was around, no matter how I felt.

"Hello, beautiful. Long time no talk." He laughed dryly, he was sad. I could tell, and it made me feel even worse. I knew I needed to talk to him about everything, and I knew I wasn't being fair to them at all.

"Can I come over?" I questioned, sending a look of shock to his face.

"Of course, meet me at the door." he instructed, quickly closing his window and running down the stairs like a kid on christmas morning. I couldn't help but laugh at his eager demeanor.

I threw on some slippers and made my way outside, jogging over to their porch as Sam waited with the door cracked open.

I didn't have anything in particular planned for the day other than my school work and drowning in my own thoughts as I had for the past dozen days.

"Lets watch a movie." He said nonchalantly, closing the door behind us. I didn't expect that, I expected him to demand an explanation or conversation. It was nice to not have to talk about it- that was what I had been avoiding after all.

"Okay, but something fun- preferably not from Josh's arsenal of cinema." I grunted, getting a laugh out of Sam.

"Don't worry, we will find something good," he smiled, heading into the living room. The rest of the kids were around the house somewhere, and Kelly and Karen were at work. It was unusually quiet but for that I was thankful.