When something happens to someone you really care about, it’s like you know in your very soul what happened before anyone else can tell you. Logically, it’s probably the messenger’s body language, the anguish on their face as they search for the right words that signal you that something is very, very wrong.
I think it’s more than that, though. It’s like the soul of the one you love is whispering to your own, calling you to them as they take their last breaths. Goosebumps cover your body, your heart races, and you feel like you’re in a nightmare; except you’re wide awake the entire time. The cruel torture you’re enduring is not a terrible dream but reality.
I had tuned out the beeping machines, the shuffling feet of people walking past the door long ago. But the sound of his breathing only seemed to get louder as time went on. It wasn’t the peaceful kind of breathing that people experience in normal slumber. It was done in a perfect rhythm, forced by the tube shoved down his throat. The sound haunted me as I sat there. The room was dark, but my eyes had adjusted well enough to see his still form.
Tears threatened to spill as I thought about the day’s events. I knew Jack wouldn’t have wanted me to cry, but I couldn’t hold it in anymore. I let out a sob as the dam broke, my salty tears pouring in streams over my cheeks.
Jack was my everything. I loved him more than anything else in the world. People say it wasn’t possible to love at seventeen, but love doesn’t wait till a specific age to strike. It hits fast and strong, and there is nothing else quite like it. It isn’t always happiness and rainbows either. Love hurts.
More sobs escaped, shaking my entire body as I finally let myself accept what was happening. Today was supposed to be our one year anniversary. Jack was on his way to come pick me up for our date when he was t-boned by a drunk driver. It was a direct hit on Jack’s side of the vehicle, and Jack was barely hanging on.
I still remember my mother’s face as she received the phone call. Someone was crying on the other line, and I knew then it was Jack. Something in my soul told me it was him. My whole body felt numb as my mom explained what had happened while ushering me to her car. She sat there with me at the hospital for hours, before I finally told her she should go. Jack’s parents had left at about one in the morning. Mrs. Hansen wasn’t able to handle seeing her only child in such a terrible condition. I couldn’t stand seeing him that way either, but just the thought of leaving him hurt even more.
It was now three, and I knew there was no way I was going to fall asleep anytime soon. Hell, I didn’t know if I’d ever be able to sleep again. I unfolded myself from the rock hard chair I had been sitting in for hours, my limbs stiff as I stood up and walked over to his bed. His brown hair that was normally clean and tidy, was tangled and matted with his own blood. All I wanted was to be able to see him smile again, his green eyes twinkling at me.
Instead, I climbed in beside him, careful not to unhook any of the cords that were keeping him alive. I gripped his hand tightly, like if I held on strongly enough that I could keep him tethered here with me. My head rested on his chest, listening to his heart thump rhythmically. It wasn’t until that moment that I truly appreciated the sound, truly appreciated the miracle that was life.
We had known each other practically our whole lives. We had been best friends, but one day it turned into something more. Jack had always been my rock, had always been there when I needed anything. It didn’t matter if I was upset over a breakup or a bad grade or if my dog had just died. If I needed him, he was there. It was something I thought I would always have, but it was becoming clearer by the second that I was going to have to learn to live without him.
It was an unbearable thought.
I wasn’t aware of falling asleep, but I knew I must have when I woke up to an unfamiliar voice calling out my name. Sitting up in the bed, I looked around the dark room, my eyes still attempting to adjust to the darkness.
“You really love him don’t you?” The girl’s voice was soft and soothing.
My eyes scanned the room, but I couldn’t find her. Eventually she stepped forward, her white dress swishing around her slim body. “Penelope?”
I swallowed the lump in my throat and nodded. “I love him very much. I don’t understand why everyone questions it just because I’m young.”
“There are a lot of things that humans don’t understand. Love is definitely one of them.” She smiled slightly as she came to stand in front of me, her hands clasped together.
“Who are you?” I asked, not sure what was happening.
“Let’s not talk about who I am just yet. I want to talk about you.”
Something about her voice made me agree without question.
“What do you want to know? I kind of have a lot going on right now.” My eyes glanced at my boyfriend before moving back to the girl in front of me.
“Jack is why I’m here, if you must know.” There was a flash of sadness in her blue eyes, but it was gone as quickly as it had come. “He seems like he means a lot to you.”
“He does. I don’t know what I’d do without him.” My voice cracked.
The girl sighed. “Life seems impossible sometimes, but it does go on.”
“What’s the point in living if everything I live for is gone? If it were possible, I’d wish to take his place. He was always so much stronger than I was.”
“Jack is a big part of your life, but he’s not the only thing you care about. Think about your parents and family, your friends, your future. That’s all still there for you.”
“I don’t want any of that without him. It will never be the same without Jack.” Tears began to fall once more, but I didn’t bother to wipe them away.
“His whole life Jack has been strong for you, Penelope. It’s your turn to be strong for him.” There was a hint of frustration in the girl’s voice now. “Do you think he would want you to cease living just because he has? Now is the time to think about all he’s ever told you when you were upset and put it to use.”
I was quiet for a few moments as her words began to sink in. Finally, I brought my eyes up to meet hers. “He’s really gone, isn’t he?”
“He’s only hung on this long for you.” She placed her hand on my shoulder. “It’s time to let him move on, Penelope.”
“Who are you?” I asked.
“I’m a reaper,” she answered with a bit of hesitation.
“You’re here to take him?”
She merely nodded. “He’s going to a much better place. All his pain will be gone.”
“Will I at least get a chance to say goodbye?” The tears were falling harder.
The girl pursed her lips, and then suddenly she was gone. I looked around the room, not sure what was happening.
“Penelope?” His voice was clear despite the tube in his throat.
I turned to face him, and he squeezed my hand. With my free hand, I wiped my tears away. “Jack.”
“I love you. I want you to always remember that, alright?” His green eyes stared deep into mine.
“I’ll never forget, I promise.” I wiped the hair from his brow. “I love you, too. More than anything.”
His lips curved slightly. “I need you to be strong for me, okay? I want you to live for me, to be happy and one day, you’ll find someone else to love. I want you to have everything I won’t be able to.”
I nodded and leaned forward, pressing my lips to his bruised cheek. “Anything for you.”
“Goodbye, Penelope. We’ll meet again one day.”
“I’ll be waiting until then.” I squeezed his hand one last time. “Goodbye, Jack.”
He closed his eyes, looking peaceful for the first time all night. A bright white light filled the room.
I woke with a start from a loud beeping. My eyes landed on the machine making the noise, and I realized Jack’s heart had stopped beating. Nurses came rushing in, but I knew it was useless. He was already gone.
I pressed my lips to his cheek once more. “I’ll always love you, Jack Hansen.”
