The Touch of Jack Frost (Weak Hero)

Ben (12-23-22)

"Ben?" Gerard asked shakily, subconsciously a hand reached to pull back his bangs, with a sigh he remembered they were gone. Gray had helped with that. Gray was gone too. "Are you alright?" The tall boy asked the question as if he could help if the answer was no. He asked as if his answer wasn't the same.

No response came from the other. His arms shielded his face as tucked his face in between them and buried his head. Ben's red hair was messy and greasy as if it hadn't been washed in some time. Even on the day of Alex's funeral, he'd been just as disheveled. Maybe it helped that nobody blamed Ben for it, and everyone ignored his unkemptness. They wanted him to feel loved and accepted. Ben felt neither.

His slumped figure gave the illusion that he was sleeping, comfortably, with his head down on his school desk. The darkening sky outside proved that he'd stayed that way long past the last bell. Alex was Ben's best friend, his break system, and he was gone. Was Ben, as a result, completely stopped by the last of a break mechanism, or was he trapped in an accelerating downward spiral?

If he'd say anything, maybe Gerard Jin could tell you.

"Please Ben," Gerard near begged, ignoring the uselessness of his vulnerable tone, aching and begging for an answer, "I lost them too, it's not the same, but I lost them too." His voice went weak and cut out completely. Now more than ever, he felt the absence of his bangs. They'd hid both his physical vulnerably as well as his less apparent weaknesses. The thick green bangs had hidden his scar as well as it'd hidden the sad qualities that appeared thinking about his lost friends.

Still, Ben was a statue. All this time he'd rushed to comfort sad and broken friends. All this time he'd worn a bright smile and sported a comfortable chuckle. Gerard wished that someone else had been here instead of him. Even during middle school, the boy had been hot-headed, and more likely to start a fight that mend the pain that came after one. Maybe if he'd spent that time, better learning how to be a good friend, then being one wouldn't feel so foreign to him.

It's hard to know.

Since Alex's death, Ben had stopped coming to school. The weight of Gray, and Eugene, and Teddy, and Rowan, were already crushing him. Alex was the icing on the cake. Today was his first day back at school, in a classroom where no one had uttered a word all day long. Even the teacher was short winded and told them to take a day to themselves to ponder recent issues. He didn't get paid enough to say anything differently.

Gerard's teacher was the same, though he wasn't sure how the other boy's teachers had reacted. They weren't there to tell him anymore. Now it was just Ben and Gerard, hanging on by a thread. "Ben, it's just you and me now," He murmured, longing for just a single affirmation more. A single anything more. Something that said, "Gerard, I understand and I'm still here!"

Ben shifted, raising his head for the first time since he'd come to school. He faced forward, eyes downcast and gray. That's when Gerard knew that it really was just him. Ben was gone. The boy hadn't brought his backpack, so after a moment of taking in the empty room, he rose and walked calmly to the door. Moving almost like a ghost, soundless and weak.

"Ben!" Gerard called after him, sprinting to catch him in the hall. The initial shock of him having any sort of response was over, so Gerard slowed to a similarly slow walk beside him. It wasn't like he was sprinting enthusiastically. No. It was a dejected half-attempted walk. "Please talk to me!" Gerard felt his voice rise, just as he had with Hyeonjin all that time ago, yelling only ever ended poorly for him. It always was a miscommunication, and heated anger.

He paused, turning sad eyes from the cold concrete to Gerard. He was fighting a losing battle, "Gerard," Ben began, like an out of focus picture, blurry, unclear, "There is nothing for me to say to you." Then he continued on his way. Leaving the other in his wake.

Tears pricked at his eyes, and they weren't just caused by the whip of cold wind. Ben Park was hollow. He was gone. Just as dead as Gray, and Eugene, and Rowan, and Teddy, and Alex. Everyone was dead except him, except Gerard. He was alone. Alone in the cold. Alone in class. Alone in Eunjang. Everyone was dead and he was alive.

Gerard attempted to breathe but it hurt, it hurt so bad. It hurt so bad, he wished he was dead too. If not for the guys in the first place, he would've never moved on from middle school, from Slam, from Hyeonjin, from his hair. If not for them and their overwhelming kindness, then Gerard would've been alone all this time. Inhale. Please. Inhale.

He loved them, and thanked them, and was so happy he knew them.

Until the very moment when Ben Park had nothing to say to him.

Now, even if it would have left him stuck in the past, he wished they'd never met. Just how he wished scissors had never met his hair. He wished his bangs were their to hide his sadness. He wished and wished and wished and wished and it didn't matter.

A calm thought struck him, and air escaped retrained lungs. Exhale.

He was alone now. Just as he'd always been. Gray Yeon was dead, Eugene Gale was dead, Teddy Jin was dead, Rowan Im was dead, Alex Go was dead, Ben Park was dead, but it didn't matter. They were strangers and they were dead and it didn't matter. The thought brought no comfort nor promise of assistance, and Gerard didn't want to harbor it.

At least now he could breathe. At least now, in the midst of everything, he was alive.

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1005 words - a/n

so ik I said 500ish but it's Ben! the others will definitely be less.