The Touch of Jack Frost (Weak Hero)

Jake (12-15-22)

Jake stared out at the people below, small like little ants carrying out tasks for the sake of their hive. For the sake of others. Their friends. A half laugh half sob escaped him, a desperate sound he'd found himself making more and more lately. As if he'd been suppressing his cries with empty laughter. Naksung's blood had dried brown and crusty on his shirt, trailing down his jeans in once scarlet droplets. Now it was just in dried streaks like a careless artist had ran a burgundy paintbrush across it like a canvas.

Cars soared by too, whirrling past as fast as they could. They wouldn't stop for anything would they? No one. Nothing. They wouldn't. No they couldn't. People are so selfish, how had he gone all this time in life without realizing that?

He sat carelessly, legs dangling off the edge of the building's roof, one fine push would send him plummeting to the concrete below. Something told him it wouldn't be a push that sent him over.

The car had taken Eun. No. Jake had taken Eun. It was Jake's fault. He'd been pushing the bright eyed boy away, he wanted him to be safe and live a fun and carefree high school life. He wanted him to have fond memories to look back on once he'd grown up.

Whoops.

Eun wouldn't get to do that. Instead, he'd lie in a coffin, lifeless, cold, and still. Eun wouldn't laugh or play soccer, he wouldn't get coffee or chicken, he wouldn't go to the carnival or the arcade. No. Eunchan would never get to do that. Eunchan was dead.

Yes that's right.

He paused, surveying the landscape without an emotion in sight. Jake wondered if he was supposed to cry now, thinking about Eun, the guilt, thinking about jumping. However, he found himself unable of shedding a single tear more. He narrowed it down to two possible answers, either he'd become a careless and emotionless monster or he'd finally cried himself dry. He'd bawled his eyes out over everything until everything was lain to rest and he hadn't enough water or energy to cry anymore.

Was he supposed to feel bad about Naksung?

Probably, he'd spared his life once. Back then when he was just following Donald's orders. Everyone was just following Donald's orders. When Naksung had confronted him, it most likely had just been because he was looking out for Daehyeon. Who would look after it now?

Dean? 

No not Dean, he can't.

Why?

Because Dean is dead.

Oh.

The thought of Dean brought more tears to his eyes, already red-rimmed and bleary. They raced down his face, following each anguished curve as his lips opened and he let out a cry. A real one. Not muffled by a hand. Not masked by a laugh. No it was a real cry, half way scream. "I'm so sorry Eunchan!" He screamed to the sky, tilting his head up to look at the starburst covered stars. Each beam of light collided with another as he tried to focus, the tears kept him from doing so. "I'm so sorry Dean!" He wailed louder, "I love you, Eun. You were my brother." Jake's volume dipped to just above a whisper. Images of the sunny haired boy came to mind. He was like a silly kid brother who just wanted to hang out with him, and didn't even mind getting kicked around a little as long as they were together.

"I love you Dean!" Finally, his strong voice cracked. Sounding nearly as broken as he felt, inside and out, "When you held me and stroked my hair," He mumbled, "When you wiped my tears and picked me up." A sob shook him again, every day he'd seemed to grow weaker. Jake couldn't remember the last time he'd had a sip of water or a bite to eat. "I love you Dean Kwan!" He screamed into the wind. Maybe it would carry his confession to wherever the boy's soul resided now.

Jake stood on the edge. He should feel bad. He should think of the pain of the impact, his body scrawled unnaturally on the concrete, limbs jutting out at awkward and broken angles. He should think of his mop of orange hair disappearing into a growing puddle of scarlet red blood.

The same color of Naksung's.

The same color as Eunchan's.

The same color as Dean's.

"I'm so sorry," He whispered as a gust whipped at his face. Jake had stopped caring that he couldn't feel his fingers anymore, or that his cheeks burned with a flush, or that his legs were jello caused by the superficial nipping of razor sharp wind through his jeans. "Forgive me." Jake spoke a little louder. "Forgive me!" It raised again, "PLEASE JUST FUCKING FORGIVE ME!" His throat was already raw from the screaming and the sobbing. Now it burned, It burned like he was trying to swallow hot coals and razor blades all at once. "FORGIVE ME!" Jake spoke like he wanted an answer, but he wouldn't get one.

His footing wavered, an accident would occur. There was still time now to back up. To take a breath. Breathe in with me, inhale, inhale, breathe breathe. C'mon now, take a breath and think. What are you doing Jake Ji? What about Kenny and Tim? What about them? What about Daehyeon? What are you doing? You're so selfish you know that? Back up. Back up! BACK UP JAKE JI LOOK AT WHAT YOU'RE DOING!

Jake didn't. Suddenly the tears stopped, the sensation in his fingers was gone, he feet were rooted firmly in place. "Forgive me," He begged. Inhale. 

He leaned, eyes watering uncomfortably as wind pushed against his face and burned, oh god how it burned. Every inch of him was on fire and numb. In the air he flipped and turned uselessly against the current like a fish caught on a line. For a moment, sad eyes saw only the sky and it's beautiful blurry stars. A smile crossed his face in that brief second. He smiled. 

Jake hit the ground with a heavy thud. Then a crack.

Exhale.

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1003 words minus A/N

Today's exams went super good!

Tomorrow I have my last two! Then I'm out for break! We still havent put our tree up or gone christmas shopping, so that's what we'll be up to.

Love you!