The Nameless Hour

Prologue

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"Chat tayo tungkol sa assignment mamayang gabi, ba-bye!"

Nang makalabas ako ng classroom ay sinalubong ako ng maraming ngiti at pagkaway, kapwa nagpapaalam dahil uwian na. I returned the favor.

Lagi kong naririnig ang aking pangalan sa kanilang bibig. At first, it was my everything to always have the attention. But now, I'm not so sure. Kahit anong pagkapa ko sa 'king damdamin, I felt nothing but emptiness. Na kung nakikita ko lang ang damdamin ay isa itong madilim na lugar. Walang kahit na anong buhay at ang pagkumpas lang ng hangin ang mapapakinggan.

One might think that it was because I'm used to it. I hope I did because it was not. When you experienced popularity for so long, almost everyone around you will seem like they have blades hidden in their pockets. That while they're smiling, their hands were also itching to drag you down from your place.

"Great to see that you're here na! Let's go." Someone grabbed me in my wrist.

Ilalayo ko sana ang kamay kung hindi ko lang nakita ang kaniyang mukha. She's with my other friends, I supposed. I made a sound of between a cough and a snort. Iniiwasan ko nga sila pero nahanap pa rin nila ako. Nasira agad ang plano kong makauwi nang matiwasay.

"Pero gusto kong umuwi nang mag-isa," ang gusto kong sabihin na sa isipan ko lamang nagawa. Instead, all I said was, "Sure."

We walked home and she would never let go of my wrists, like we're really that close. It's uncomfortable and irritating. I let her be, wala akong lakas ng loob na sabihin ang nararamdaman. I never was.

Nanatili akong tahimik sa kabila ng kuwentuhan nila kasi 'di naman ako nakaka-relate. They'll smile and I'll smile back like a mirror, gano'n lang ang ginagawa ko.

"Uy, magsalita ka naman! Ang tahi-tahimik mo," sabi nila.

Looking at their eyes, my image never reflected in them. All I could see was a version far from the real me.

Bago pa ako makapagsalita ay naalintala ang lahat ng isang nakakabinging tunog ng kampana. I winced. The ringing echoed on my every core. Nagtakip ako ng tenga.

"Nameless hour..." was the word I uttered instead. For the first time. Simula pa nang makalabas kami ng school.

Sa isang kisap-mata, lumabas ang mga knights upang siguraduhing nasa loob ng mga tahanan ang iba. We call them knights, but they're not exactly like the ones I read about in the storybooks. Sa ibang bayan, tinatawag ang mga katulad nila bilang mga barangay tanod kung hindi ako nagkakamali.

Some of the people has faces of concern, while some are irritated. Isa talaga sa batas dito sa bayan namin na kailangang nasa loob ng pamamahay nila ang lahat basta tumunog ang kampana.

A lump formed in my throat when I observed the looks of mischief on my friends' eyes. They looked at each other, including me, and I can tell already about the plans unfolding on their minds.

"No," I met their gazes with emphasis. My tone was grave.

"Oh, c'mon! Don't tell me you believe in that nameless hour crap." Nagpipigil sila ng tawa.

'Yong tingin nila sa 'kin ay may halong pangungutya. Pangungutya dahil sa aking pinapaniwalaan.

Napaatras ako kahit na labag man sa kalooban ko. It was in that moment I realized what I fear the most... and that is to fail pleasing others.