Every Memory Repeats

Chapter 23

"I was trying to get her to understand, and she kept saying it wasn't working...our marriage was working. I wanted it to work, but she wouldn't let me touch her. She wouldn't let me kiss her, and every fucking night she's dreaming of John!" Roman said in rising frustration. "Every fucking night, it's either nightmares, or her calling out for John. Bo! It would drive any man to madness if they had to listen to their wife call out in their sleep for another man! She wouldn't listen to reason, Bo. I got angry. I don't know what happened...I hit her. I was so angry, and even as she stared at me from the floor, I had the strongest impulse to hit her again. I walked out instead."

"But, you did hit her, Roman. If what Ma said is true...you punched her in the face!" Bo exclaimed.

"I tried to tell her, I was sorry," Roman told him. "I tried to get her to understand, I didn't mean to do it...it doesn't matter anyway. She's divorcing me. Ma said, Doc had a meeting with Mickey Horton sometime today, and I was going to try, and talk to her last night...but fucking John Black was there."

"He was?"

"Of course, he was. Now that Isabella's fucked him over, and Doc thinks we're done...he just swooped right in," Roman said with venom. "It's like he was waiting for the moment."

"Maybe, they were waiting for this moment. Not deliberately, mind you...but, Roman, I can attest to their feelings for each other. You can argue all you'd like that Marlena only cared for John, because she thought he was you, but that's simply not true. I saw them together," Bo told him. "I was tracking them through the woods in West Virginia, intent on killing the man I believed to be Stefano DiMera. I saw them together...near the river, and that was before we believed he was Roman Brady."

"You saw them together?"

"I was lining him up, in the scope of my rifle, but Marlena was in the way," Bo said.

"What were they doing?"

Bo sighed, "I don't think you want details."

"Tell me what the fuck they were doing! She thought he might be Stefano, you obviously thought he was Stefano...what were they doing?"

"Kissing, some heavy petting, I guess you could say," Bo replied. He remembered watching Marlena with John through the scope of his rifle. The look of adoration on her face, as she touched his cheek softly. The look of awe on John's face, as if he couldn't understand how she could choose to be with him, when they thought the worst. "I had a shot at one point, but Hope knocked the rifle to the side, and the shot went wide. Look, I'm not trying to hurt you, but it was obvious even then...she loved him. She was convinced he could be Stefano, but she stuck with him in those woods for days. She didn't have to do that, but she loved him. Not because he was you, but because he was himself," Bo looked at his brother, willing him to understand. "The fact is, big brother, you can't discredit the love she had for him, the love she probably still has for him. You can't blame her for what she dreams. She can't control that, but you can blame yourself for cheating on her, and getting Billie pregnant. You can blame yourself for hitting your wife. Stop blaming her, and take responsibility, Roman!"

Roman allowed his body to fall into the couch. He slouched sullenly, and said, "I never thought you'd be the one lecturing me about responsibility."

"You came back to Salem with this idea of your family built up in your mind. You've got to let that go," Bo told him. "You were gone for seven years! You can't be surprised that she'd moved on."

"She didn't fucking move on though, did she? She thought she was with me!"

"She thought John was you, but she loved him for who he was. He wasn't you, Roman. He did act like you at all, but we all just thought that, because of the amnesia, he would be different than you."

"Different how?"

"He's not as hot headed, not as quick to form opinions, or tell people what to do."

"So, you're saying, I'm angry, bossy, and opinionated?"

Bo smiled, falling to the couch next to Roman, "Yeah. That's what I'm saying. You've got to find a way to work through this, and when Marlena and John make their way back together, you're going to have to find a way to accept that. For her, and for the twins."

"I don't want him playing Daddy to my kids," Roman said pointedly.

"He already did. He was their Daddy," Bo said softly. "They love him. They're great kids, because of him."

Roman was silent for a long while, marinating in his own frustration and annoyance. He knew that Marlena and John would find their way back together. Seeing John's car parked in front of the house the night before had confirmed that. She was meeting with Mickey today, so it was only a matter of time before he received the divorce papers. Roman sighed, reluctantly accepting that John was destined to be back in the twins lives. He wasn't sure he could handle that. He wasn't sure he could watch Marlena live a happy life with John Black, while the man was step father to his children.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

John answered the door to his apartment, and was both shocked and elated to see Carrie standing there, looking at him nervously. "Carrie! Punkin! Oh, my G-d, baby!" he exclaimed reaching for her hand, and pulling her inside. "Does Marlena or Roman know you're home?"

"No," she said quietly. "I came to see you first. My mom told me...she told me you're not my real father."

"Carrie, honey, I will always be your father," he said, tipping his head down, and looking into her eyes. "Biologically, the ISA has determined that I'm not, but in my heart, you'll always be my daughter. Please, please, know that. I love you."

"When mom first told me...I was so angry. I thought you'd lied to me," she said.

"I really thought I was. So much has happened. There's so much you need to know," John told her walking her over to the couch. "So much...just, please, give me the time to explain it all."

Carrie felt hot tears making their way from her eyes, and she whispered, "Okay."

"Come here," John said, pulling her into his arms. He felt his own tears welling up, and he said in a choked voice, "I missed you so much, Punkin."

Carrie wrapped her arms around John, sobbing fully, and cried, "I missed you too, Dad! I just—I don't understand! You're my dad. You have to be my dad! I barely remember the other one. I was so young."

"Carrie," John said. "I'm not leaving your life. I will always be in your life."

"How can you be?" she cried. "Marlena's with him...you're here."

"Listen, would you like something to drink? Marlena should be here in a little bit, and we can talk through this. You're eighteen now, and you remember what I said?"

"When I'm an adult, you'll treat me like an adult?"

"That's right, Punkin. When Doc gets here, we're going to have an adult conversation. Are you okay with that?"

"I am...why is Marlena coming here?" Carrie asked him.

John replied, "Do you want some tea?"

She replied, "Dad, what's going on?"