Eva {On Hold}

two.

02|

With the heavy rain beating down on the roads, my mother lost control of the wheel. She tried to regain control, but the slippery road only sped up the car. Before she knew what was happening, the car rammed headfirst into a light pole at 65 mph. My mom was not wearing a seat belt. Must have slipped her mind, since she was always about safety first. At the trajectory she was going and the impact she suffered, she was presumed dead before she even hit the ground. On April 28th at 8:06pm, Jacklynn Simons was pronounced dead. The doctor told me the death mostly likely instantaneous and painless. As if that would make me feel better. As if that would fill the gaping void in my heart. As if it would bring my mom back.

She's dead. No more late night talks about anything and everything. No more mystery dinners since we forgot to buy groceries that week. No more Sucky Movie Saturdays and Fright Night Fridays. Because my mom is gone. The only person in the world who truly gave a damn about me is gone. Just like that.

I never got to say goodbye. Never got to tell her how much she truly meant to me.

"Eva De Luca." A voice says gently, as if speaking to a scared baby. Looking up from chair where I sat outside the hospital's morgue I see a woman in a dull dress suit. I just finished identifying my mother's body a couple minutes prior. That sight will forever be imprinted in my mind. The thought of my mom's body laying cold in the room next to me makes my eyes fill with another round of tears and my stomach queasy. I glance at the woman, waiting for her to continue. I knew she was from social services. Since I'm underage and won't be turning 18 for another year, I guess I belong to the state now and will put in the foster care system.

"I'm Nicole Samson, your assigned social worker. Let me start off by saying I am so sorry for your loss and I can't begin to imagine how difficult this all might be for you." She says sympathetically. I continue to stare, hoping that she'll take the hint and just tell me whatever she needs to tell me. Noticing my bleak stare, she continues, "To make things easier for you, I took the liberty of contacting your birth father. Considering he was the only name your mother left as guardian in case something like thing should ever happen-"

The numbness of my body disappears and it feels as though I've been dowsed in ice water. "What?" I interrupt. The first words I've said since I confirmed my mother's body. The social worker, Nicole I suppose, looked at me. Surprised I interrupted her. "Yes your birth father, he should be here in about an hour or less." She stammers as she notices my glare. My father? The same father who abandoned my mother like she was just some whore and never looked back?

Nicole must have noticed my growing anger. "Why don't I give you a ride back home, so you can pick up some-"

I glare. "I'm not leaving her." I say a little too loudly, earning me some side glances from the staff walking around. Nicole flinched at my animosity. Usually I would feel bad about my rudeness, but at this point, I ran out of fucks to give.

"Very well." She says meekly. "I'll be in the hospital's main lobby waiting for your father, if you need me." With that, she gave me one more sympathetic glance and walked away.

Ignoring all the curious glances from the staff, I make my way to the bathroom and lock myself in. Leaning against the door, I slowing slide down and sit with my back against the door. I close my eyes and let out a shaky breath. This can't be real. This has to be a dream, or rather, a fucked up nightmare.

Choking back sobs, my eyes release streams of tears as the weight of the world seems to crush me. I wish I had somebody to hold me and tell me that everything was going to be all right. That I would be ok. That this wouldn't break me.

But I don't. I have nobody who could truly make me feel less shattered. Because I'm alone.

You're not alone, you have your father.