Never Without You │ BOTW modern AU fanfic

おやすみ

Who am I kidding? He's mentioned multiple times that he would sleep with me if I wasn't holding back... why is he even still with me if I can't give him what he wants? He's been waiting and I've been pulling away at every chance... 

Or maybe it's not intended for me at all. Perhaps he is way more experienced than I thought. Maybe it's an old condom from a previous relationship... I think I'm going to be sick...

"Is that... a problem?" Link asks, growing slightly nervous.

"Of course not," I answer unsure. "Please get off."

"What?"

"I can't breathe." I nudge him lightly until he obliges and sits up next to me, yet the weight on top of my chest stays. 

I still can't breathe properly and I am trying very hard not to panic. This is not a reason to overreact... I want to stay calm. It's cool. It's normal at our age. It's really not a big deal. I'm just insecure and jealous... That's all... 

"Talk to me, what's wrong?" he asks caringly.

"Nothing," I lie. "It's fine."

"You sure?"

"No, yeah, it's fine, really. You can do whatever you want."

"I'm not sleeping with anyone else," he quickly defends.

"I know, that's not what I meant." I sigh and sit up to catch my breath. "I just didn't know. I thought you're not like other guys."

"What?" His brows crease in a mixture of confusion and hurt. "Like other guys? What do you mean?"

"That came out wrong. It's just surprising, that's all. It's not a big deal." It really isn't. It's a normal thing according to Impa. A girl that is very much not normal. Ugh, keep your cool, Zelda.

"What do you mean by 'not like other guys'?" He wants to know.

"I didn't mean anything by it."

"Clearly you did."

Why are we arguing again? It feels like we are coming across more and more problems recently that shouldn't even be problems. Is the honeymoon phase already over? Is this just normal for a relationship? Or are we not working out? This is so exhausting and scary. I don't want to get into a serious argument while living at his parents' home 9000 kilometers away from California.

"I didn't mean anything by it, I promise. I don't know why I even asked to begin with. Impa just said something dumb and I wanted to prove her wrong which is childish and... I just didn't expect her to be right. But it doesn't matter. I know you're not using it, I suppose I'm just confused as to why you would have it in the first place."

I wait for him to say something in return but he doesn't. I was expecting him to explain why he has that thing or for how long he has had it...  I suppose neither of us really wants to talk about that right now. I really just wanted to talk to him about us taking the next step but if Impa was right about Link having a condom just in case, I should let him know that I'm not ready to go all the way yet...

"I'm not going to sleep with you," I say, minding eye contact.

"I know," he says impassively, leaving me to guess whether that disappoints or relieves him. Although... I don't really have to guess.

"I'm sorry," I mutter. "I'm sorry for asking. And for not being ready."

"Ready for what? To sleep with me?" Embarrassed, I turn my head away and nod. "I told you it's okay. Haven't I make it clear to you that we don't have to? Have I been pushing you in any way?"