The Stick of Truth

One Stick: Lost, Three Warriors: Find

The next minutes of my life I seriously wonder what is going on.

Believe me, moving around the whole country, you get to see really freaky shit, but whatever is going on in South Park breaks the record.

Eric, whom I learn his surname is Cartman, what's me to beat up Clyde, and the beating up Clyde turns into a round-based video game alla Final Fantasy!

Do you think I'm kidding?

No, I swerve it's true.

I don't know how it works, but it works really like that!

If I can summon something in the near future it's officially a Final Fantasy rip-off!

Anyway, I know the drill and kick Clyde's ass.

I had to keep from laughing when I needed to learn to "protect my balls" since I don't need it technically.

But the one who is laughing right now is Cartman.

"HAHA, HAHAHA! Dude that was awesome! You were all like BRAMMGMG! And Clyde was all like "aaghghg, noo"! Hahahaha! Okay, okay. You've proved yourself worthy, Douchebag. Now, come inside the war tent and I shall let you see the relic."

With that said fatass does it and I turn to Clyde, rubbing my neck, feeling bad.

"Sorry, dude, for that.", I apologize for the beating I gave him.

He huffs a "Whatever." and goes back to his station.

A little whine left my lips.

Okay, I need to do damage control there, for sure. But since I don't know Clyde that well, I will leave him alone for now and try again later.

So I enter the tent, to stand beside Cartman.

I wonder what kind of relic we are talking here about and what it can do.

"Well, here it is.", beginns Cartman. "The reason why humans and elves are locked in a never-ending war. The relic for which humans and elf are willing to die... The Stick of Truth."

It's just a normal twig on a pillow, a lamp shining down on it!

I admit I'm disappointed.

They couldn't, I don't know, put some glitter or fake rhinestones on it? I mean, be creative, dude! What is this sad-looking thing?

Since Cartman can't hear my thoughts, he just continues to monologue: "Just two days ago, we took the Stick back from the elves. Our kingdom was dying, but now it thrives. For whoever controls the Stick, controls the universe."

If this thing controls the universe it sure looks shitty. That is the ugliest relic, I ever saw in my entire life!

Like it is really all so powerful Cartman closes his eyes and nearly cowers before it.

At least he is really involved.

"Don't gaze at it too long!", he warns me. "For its power is too much for mere mortals to look at!"

Yeah, I could poke my eye out with it! If it would be a giant rock, I would be more impressed.

I'm sad I can't make that reference.

"Now that you have seen the Stick of Truth, let's discuss your dues.", says Cartman.

"Dues?", I repeated with a raised eyebrow.

What, does he want me to pay him so I can participate in the game?

Apparently yes, before I can tell him that I won't give him any of my pocket money we hear Butters screaming: "ALARM! ALARM! ALARM!"