Every Memory Repeats

Chapter 19

"I don't remember doing that," he said. "But if I did, I'm sorry."

"It doesn't matter now," she told him. "I only brought it up, because I needed to make a point. I'm not that woman anymore. I'm not someone who can be in a relationship and feel like my opinions, my thoughts, and my feelings aren't valued. I simply cannot be that woman. You were gone for seven years, and in those seven years...I became someone else. I became stronger, and learned to—"

"—Doc!" Roman interrupted. "For nearly five of those years you were in a coma!"

"Was I?" she asked him.

Roman was temporarily stunned, "What?"

"I've been having memories...dreams," she said. "Playing chess with Stefano. Walking through a tropical garden...I tried to speak with you about them. Do you remember? But, you just brushed me off. You don't know if I was in a coma for the whole time, because I don't know if I was in a coma the whole time. I don't think I was, but you've never concerned yourself with any of it, to find out."

"I—I thought you were..."

"Don't make excuses now. Don't pretend you suddenly want to know," she told him derisively. "When you 'died' I lived on my own for more than a year. I shot Stefano in the rafters of the Opera House, did you know that? I went on trial for his murder, although after Mexico, we both know he wasn't dead."

Roman stared at her, eyes wide, as Marlena said, "He'd killed you. He'd kidnapped the twins...I hunted him down, and I shot him."

"He kidnapped the twins? Doc!"

"After that, I tried to start dating. I tried to move on with my life...I—I started dating Richard," she said softly.

"Richard Cates?"

"Yes, I may have even fallen in love with him, honestly," she said with a sad smile. "But he had a secret life that even his son didn't know about. Richard killed Theo...Abe's brother. Richard was heading up a drug ring in Salem. My relationship with Richard, and the way it ended, created a lot of trust issues...with myself...and with Carrie."

"I didn't know," Roman said softly.

"Did you want to know?"

"Doc, I'm sorry...I came home so angry about John..."

"Abe shot Richard, and my world collapsed. I didn't know who I could trust. I turned in on myself, and the only person I could believe in was Chris. We tried to date...but it could never be more than friends. Chris was safe, but he didn't spark any real passion in me," she murmured.

"Kostichek?" Roman asked incredulously.

"Yes," Marlena said with a smile. "But then I met John—"

"—you thought he was me," Roman interjected.

"No. Not at first. He was John Black. He saved my life when Shenanigans was being robbed. He was hired to be head of security at the hospital...but Roman, you have to know, at that time, he was just John Black."

"I thought, you believed he was me," Roma said.

"I met John at the end of January. I knew him as John Black until the middle of May. That's nearly five months. Roman, you've never let me talk about this. You've never wanted to discuss any of it."

"What's the point, Doc? How is talking about the past going to help us move forward?"

"If you don't want to talk about the past, you don't want to know me, Roman! I'm not the same woman you left!" Marlena cried, wiping tears from her face quickly. "Don't you understand that?"