SEGRETEZZA

the AUTHOR!

I am very sorry to disappoint you guys but this is not an update. I will, soon. I just had to deals with my personal issues in life, plus my laptop's ssd needs to be fixed that end up losing all the files that I have. I will be back guys, I just need to retrieve some stuffs but I promis I'll come back. Not today, not tomorrow but I will try my best to make it sooner.

I appreciate the messages that was sent to me asking for update and I am really sad to dissapoint you for being gone of about two months.

But before I will continue updating let me just share the backstory of why I created SEGRETEZZA. I don't want it to be as emotional but I will really try myself. I don't have a lot of friends to share with my story so I just decided to share it here since no one knows who I really am. HAHA! It benefits me, I guess?

So here it goes ...

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Dear Readers,

Not so many years ago I lost the very important person in my life. The one who took care of me since I was a baby. She was my confidance in all things, my wall and my all, and my inspiration for my success. We fought a lot but that won't last a day. She is my grandmother.

A month after I was born, my parents ask my grand mother to take care of me in their behalf. Just like Rod ask Elizabeth to look after Elliez. While growing up, I thought it was just completely fine and I even mistook my grand mother as my mother. 

When I tuned Grade 1 I was asked if I wanted to live with my parents but it didn't happened and again, just like Elliez who chose to stay with her Mama Elizabeth rather than being with her father. I stayed with my Lola even up to her last breath. My parents live 24 km away from where I live and they only got visit me during their day off ( but not all the time ). I could sometimes see them after weeks or months, not sure because they only visit when it's free time.

I have 6 siblings, I'm the youngest and they all grew up with my parents that questions me, why? but I kept my silence and never even mention it and if I did, I could not remember it anymore but maybe I really didn't because they didn't get me from Lola. Don't get me wrong guys, I love my Lola but of course, I want my parents attention too.

I was 7 when I lost my father then 3 years after my mother followed and since then the feeling of wanting to be with them was never filled at all. But again, they never heard anything from me. ( I AM NOT A GOOD DAUGHTER, IF EVER YOU THINK I MIGHT BE HAHA ) I always got jealous of children who get to spend their lives with their parents. Children who have a lot of memories with their parents, children who knew their parents so much because they have witnessed and observed it while living together. Sad to say that while I'm continue growing up, my memories with them are fading. Even got me to the point of I almost forgot my parents features.

Just like Elliez, I DO NOT KNOW MY PARENTS aside from their names and that they are my parents. I do not know what's their favorites, how they met, how they fall in love with each other, what are the traits they like and dislike with each other, what's their anniversary wedding date and by the way until now I do not know because I don't have courage to ask my siblings, nakakahiya HAHAH, how did they got my name or my sibling's, even their favorite colors I do not know. They are completely strangers to me, so I am to them, I assume. Di naman kami nagka heart-to-heart talk kasi when they were still alive.

Honestly? I cannot even remember how they say the word I love you or if they even got the chance to tell it to me.

But despite of everything, there was my grandmother who never failed to made me feel everything that my parents have failed but I was still not complete and will never be.

But then I lost her too, God took her away from me at the age of 19. Dreams were still not fullfilled and success were still not aimed that made me feel so useless. Siya na nga lang meron ako, nawala pa. She have protected me from the pain I may felt, she saved me from the possible hurt I might fall.

She was my wonderwoman in a world full of Mars, the Cheetah, the mysoginist Doctor Psycho, and the giantess Giganta.

She was my Elizabeth in a world full of Rodrigo, Honeylet and Imee.

I felt so betrayed by fate that it leads me to this kind of situation but I realized that my life never  stopped when I lost the people I want to be with. They will remain in my heart forever even with a lot of questions that are left unanswered and will never answered.

I made this story to give another mantra of my life if my life didn't turned out this way. I maybe cannot go back in the past and saved myself from the pain I have felt before but I want to give a different color of my life by giving a different flavor of it in the character of Elliez.

I wanted all you guys to know that this is not just a story that was made in my mind for no reason, this is a life story I want if I have my " IN ANOTHER LIFE".

Writing this story was never easy but I have finally made the first step of my healing, that is to share what I have been keeping for the longest time. I want my year to be as different as it was from the past years, I want NO DRAMA, NO HARD FEELINGS, NO HATRED, NO MORE QUESTIONS OF "WHY?" AND "WHAT COULD HAVE BEEN?". I want to be free from the past that locks me away only to hurt myself. I want a new beginning that if ever I look back, I will never step back from all the pain I have been but just the lesson I have learned.

I know I needed to do this to finally move on. 

To my Parents,

I am very sorry of doubting your love from me and for questioning a lot of why through the air.

To my Lola,

I will promise to be strong and you will see me grow. I will aim what we supposed to aim.

"Accept yourself, love yourself, and keep moving forward. If you want to fly, you have to give up what weighs you down" 

Sincerely,

the AUTHOR!