The Hermitcraft Plays

14: Everyone is director (except Joe)

'It's Christmas time!' 

'Yay!' Beef said, followed by general excitement from the rest of the villagers.  'Christmas time!' 

'I know! Christmas time is the best time of the year! Especially when the Christmas God comes and blesses us with presents!'

'And, since it's Christmas Eve, the Christmas God will appear tonight!'

'What presents did you want, Rendolf?'

'I wanted the gift of new socks!' 

'Wow! Socks! What an amazing gift!' Pearl replied seriously 'I want a pet wolf called Tilly!' How long is it to wait now?'

'Not long! Look, the sun's setting now! According to the ancient tradition the Christmas God will appear right...'

'Bdubs! Your turn!'

'Scar, you had ultimate power and you did nothing?!'

'Well, Joe's not here to annoy... and I had no ideas.'

'Scar, get onstage for your entrance.' Bdubs called. The vex ran for the stage, managed the jump onto it, and disappeared backstage as Ren repeated his line. 

'According to the ancient tradition, the Christmas God will appear right...' 

'Boo!' He burst onstage to shrieks of horror from the villagers 'Me and Cub have stolen your Christmas God and imprisoned him somewhere you will never find! From now on there will never be another Christmas!'

'Get away you foul Christmas Vex!' Rendolf declared, running at Scar before suddenly from the Magic Hand Trick.

'You cannot stop us! We have powerful magic, Rendolf! And we have provided many impossible challenges you must face if you even think you can beat us, the powerful, chaotic new rulers of Hermit town!' Scar's hand dropped to his side and a moment later Ren moved again. Pearl ran up beside him.

'You'll never beat us! We will get back the Christmas God whether you like it or...' 

'You will never succeed! The Fort of the Vexes is protected and our defences... un... super... un... never mind. So just you try to stop us!'

'Unsurpassable!'  Grian laughed. 

'We will stop you!' Ren vowed, continuing the scene.

'You can try, you foolish dog-boy. I hope to see you die a painful death if you dare to start your journey!' And, with that, Scar walked offstage.

'Can we have a poof of smoke there? Can anyone make a poof of smoke?' Bdubs asked. 

'Uhh...' Wels threw a splash potion and it made a decently effective poof, and gave Scar poison effect,

'RENDOLF! COME BACK! YOU CAN'T FIGHT HIM!' Pearl brought everyone to attention by yelling, following Ren offstage. 

As they moved onto scene two, a lot more hermits had their own turns at directing, including Zedaph, who made everyone say their lines back to front, False who made everyone ribbet their lines while wearing frog heads, and Tango who ended up getting the stage blown up with unnecessary special effects. Then the script fell into Hypno's hands, who declared.

'We're doing the song but every line is FIVE VILLAGERS!'

'Can I just intervene and offer a polite suggestion of NO.' Grian replied.

'I have the script.' He found the backing track music disk and played it, refusing any further complaints.

'In the christmas play of hermitcraft, Joehills did decree... FIVE VILLAGERS!' Etho started strongly

'In the christmas play of hermitcraft Joehill did decree... FIVE VILLAGERS.'

'And FIIIIIIIIVE VILLAGERERS!' Etho continued over Grian's screams of what sounded like literal physical pain at the song, before flying away.

You whispered to Joehillssays: I will help you reclaim the director's script

Joehillssays whispered to you: ???

You whispered to Joehillssays: Hypno's doing the song as his line

You whispered to Joehillssays: it's very painful

Joehillssays whispered to you: Is this at the stage?

You whispered to Joehillssays: Yes. Also Tango blew up the stage

Joe didn't reply to this, but soon Grian saw him flying over, calling for him to land, just outside the Resistance Assistance shop.

'Now, if you pay a diamond I can legally help you resist Hypno and get the script back.'

'Deal.' Joe handed over a diamond instantly. Grian gave a nod and a smile.

'Now, I decided that everyone had a turn at being director... most people have done their turn, but I can convince Mumbo to give it to me, and I'll give it back to you.'

'I don't trust anyone to give me the script any more.'

'No, no, no. I've learnt my lesson now. Seriously. You can trust me.'

'And if not, I'm going to kill you.'

'Fine.' 

The two returned to where they'd nearly reached the end of the 5 villagers version of the song. Only a couple more verses of hell were left, until Hypno handed the script to Mumbo, who'd been lectured on what he'd need to do. The moustached redstoner handed it straight to Grian.

'I'm sorry, guys.' Fighting every atom in his body that was vying for further chaos, Grian handed the script back to Joe and the play returned to normality.