A Kiss of Bleeding Fire

10

"We need to talk," he whispered. His voice sent a shrill through my veins, making the apex of my middle tingle with anticipation.

"Get off me. I have classes to attend,"

I saw the painful tic of his jaw and my will to stay away from him scrambled slowly.

"Can you stop being stubborn and childish? Get your shit together, we need to do this for the baby."

For the baby. I should not have expected more from him. He was here because of the baby. He was talking to me because of the baby. He was not here because he wanted to talk to me to assure me that he no longer loved my sister. That all he said that night was just nothing. But why the fuck I was expecting him to say those words? I should stop deluding myself that somehow he would feel something for me. Not for the baby but because of me, because of Lilith.

"How do you expect me to act up knowing you are still holding a grudge against me? That you are still blaming me for what happened to Lia—"

"I was not blaming you! I was blaming Bellamy—"

"It's fucking the same!" I wiggled my arm from his grasp, "It was fucking the same!" Tears started to stream down my cheeks, "It was fucking the same!" I sobbed.

My chest was painful. My tears were uncontrollable. The sobs flew out of my lips. Mabuti nalang at kami lang ang tao rito sa parking area. I did not want anyone to see me losing control in front of Garrett. I did not want anyone to see that Garret was becoming my Achilles' heel. I did not want to. I needed to stop.

When I looked at Garrett's face, I saw his expression morphed into something I despised the most. Guilt. He was guilty of what he said. Not that he did not mean those words. He meant those but he saw how I was hurt by it so he was guilty.

I turned around and started to stride away from him. Pero hindi pa ako nakakalayo ay may humablot na sa kamay ko at hinila ako sa lugar na walang taong dumadaan. Fuck, this was one of those sex dens of some students. Never did I have sex in here though.

"Garrett, what are you doing?!" I hissed and looked at him with dagger eyes.

"I said we need to talk, Lilith. What the fuck are you doing?!"

I pushed his chest away from him but he was too strong. He did not flinch even a bit. Linapit niya ang katawan niya sa akin. I moved backward until I was trapped by the wall behind me. I fisted my palms and as I placed them on his chest, making sure there was a space between us because I was about to pass out.

"Didn't I make it clear to you that I still can't talk to you right now?" I pushed him; he did not flinch. Fuck him and his strong body, "Every time I was looking at you, I remember what I did to my sister. Na kahit na sisingsisi ako sa ginawa ko ay hindi pa rin iyon sapat. I couldn't do anything to turn back the time, Garrett! If I could, I would have done it the moment we lost her. I would have been kinder to her! I would have been more thoughtful with my words. I would have stopped being a self-centered bitch!

"G-garrett, hindi ko kayang ibalik ang oras, wala akong kakayahang pabalikin si Cornelia rito at pakiramdam ko ay kahit mamatay ako ay galit pa rin kayo sa akin! Y-your anger is valid but damn it tumigil na kayo sa kapapaalala kung anong klase akong kapatid dahil tangina alam ko! I was aware that I was the villain, so stop fucking rubbing it off my face from time to time!" I breathed heavily as the tears streamed down my cheeks.

My vision was getting blurry and blurry and my throat closed up. I wanted to run away from here. I wanted to go home and lock myself in my room and dwell in the self-blame I was always in lately. Stress was bad for the baby but I could not do anything to alleviate the guilt and pain yesterday had brought to my life.