Loosing me

Chapter 24

Jughead tried to be as quiet as possible when unlocking the door and walking in. He took off his jacket without much noise and was on his way to go upstairs when Hermione appeared in the hallway, not saying anything and just pulling him in a minute long hug.

"I... I thought you were at work..."

"I was so worried, I couldn't just stay there. Please don't ever worry me like that again and just don't answer my texts for three weeks!"

Three weeks? Has it been that long already? Jughead couldn't tell. He knew that he spend some time at Toni's but he didn't realize that it had been three weeks. Given, he did numb himself with heroine for part of that time, maybe that's why he couldn't tell anymore.

Hermione pulled away from him, resting her hands on his arms and looking him up from head to toe. He probably looked miserable. He couldn't remember when he had showered the last time and he had been wearing the same clothes too — not that good of a sign when coming back home.

"Where were you?"

"Uh... at Toni's... most of the time..."

He was not in for a round of explanation.

Not yet at least.

"I'll make a coffee" Jughead said, trying to break the silence. He walked over to the kitchen and did so while eyeing Hermione from time to time, noticing her eyes on him.

"You smell. And look messed up. Do you want to tell me what happened and why you were gone for weeks, without answering your phone?"

No, not really.

"Nothing happened" He shrugged, pouring the coffee in a big mug and starting to drink it despite it making his stomach flip and burning his tongue.

"Why did Archie suddenly leave?"

"How should I know? I'm not his babysitter" He snapped. Hermione stepped closer, though Jughead stepped back, keeping the same distance between them as he took his mug in his hands. He wouldn't meet her eyes and neither did he let her get close. Hermione hesitated and then sat down on the table, burying her head in her hands.

Jughead didn't understand.

Archie broke his heart.

Why would she cry?

"I'm going to go shower" He said once he had emptied the coffee, wanting to break this uncomfortable silence yet again before he made his way upstairs. Hermione didn't answer, she simply sobbed.

The next days blurred together again. Alcohol and weed got him through the school day. He got to bed drunk and high and the first thing he did before going to school was have another joint. On his way to school, he sometimes drank too. Veronica and Betty hung out with him but he didn't talk much then, only when it was absolutely necessary.

Veronica and Betty were having a perfect time and she didn't miss out on any details while talking to him. Jughead tried to ignore her. Couldn't she see how bad that made him feel?

"Can you just shut up, please?" He asked, not being able to stand it anymore. He put out his joint before throwing it in the trash can "I don't want to hear about your stupid relationship, okay? I don't care how much you two fucked this week. Please leave me the hell alone"

"What's gotten into you lately?"

"Just leave me alone, please"

Once he went back to school and met up with his friends again, he also went to parties.

That became his routine.

Wake up.

Morning joint.

Before-school beer.

School.

Another beer.

Going out with friends.

Drinking more until everything spun.

Sleeping with someone he didn't know.

Another joint before bed.

Trying to sleep.

And repeat.

He didn't care. It all didn't matter anymore. Nothing was important. He just wanted to forget. He needed to forget, nothing else.

Forget to think.

Forget to feel.

Forget to live.

Sometimes he forgot what it was like before. When he woke up again, it was worse then before. In those moments he wondered why he was even bothering anymore and why he didn't end it after all.

Nothing mattered anymore, right?

"Jug? You home yet?"

Stupid question. Veronica didn't need an answer, she could hear the loud music in Jughead's room. She walked upstairs and knocked on the door, though didn't get an answer. There still was no answer, even after the fifth knock, so she just walked in. Jughead laid rested against his bed frame, music playing through his headphones and hand gripping a vodka bottle.

"Where does the blood come from?" She asked, noticing the blood stains on the bottle. Jughead didn't react at first, so she pulled off his headphones before repeating her question.

"Uh... hard... to tell..." He murmured, head lolling to the side as his eyes turned somewhere else. Veronica followed his eyes and saw the bloody knife.

"Is that from today?" He hummed weakly.

"I think... I messed up..."

"Why?"

"It won't stop bleeding"

"Oh." Veronica swallowed, scanning his body but she couldn't see anything yet. No blood. A good sign, right? "We should go to the hospital then"

"Don't think..." His hand slipped off the bottle and Veronica barely caught it before the rest of the vodka spilled on the carpet.

"Hey hey, stay awake, Jug. Don't fall asleep right now" She said, cupping his face with one hand while she got out her phone with the other "I'll call an ambulance, okay? Just hold on a little longer, please"

She didn't get an answer.