Freeing or Fleeing

Chapter Twenty-Two - The Queen of Drama

"Oh, I didn't come upstairs. Mum called and told me you were in my room and to leave you to it so I just took everything off downstairs, I had these on underneath already." She pointed to her outfit. "No one's home anyway so it's fine. I wasn't going to disturb you but you have like fifteen missed calls."

"Where's Khala?" I raised an eyebrow. I felt guilty ignoring her about the phone calls but I wasn't ready.

"She was running late to her appointment."

"Oh my gosh, did I stop her?" realisation hit me and the guilt began.

"Don't worry about that." She patted the spot on the bed next to her. "Come here. What happened?"

And I did tell her. I told her what happened after she left with Aaliyah and I told her more. I even told her things she already knew, right down to my childhood, but this time I told her how it all made me feel. Khadra listened without interruption, which was usually very hard for her because she was very expressive

"Allah (SWT) does not burden a soul beyond that it can bear," Khadra quoted a verse from the Qur'an.

"Khadra, can I tell you the truth?"

"Go on..." she prompted.

"I haven't been that good," I admitted, lowering my gaze with shame.

"What do you mean?" She tilted her head, clueless as to what I had meant.

"When people go through hardship, they turn to Allah (SWT), right? I just... I don't know, Khadra, I just felt so disconnected. I wanted to but I just... didn't have the energy to, if that makes sense. I just couldn't be bothered. I lost the whole enjoyment of worshipping Allah (SWT). I prayed because I have to and I, even, sort of, lost interest in reading the Qur'an until I met Aaliyah, to be honest, and that was not much either. Khadra, there was a time, no matter what was happening, I was content, content with the Qadr of Allah (SWT) but it had gotten to the point that I had lost all hope..." I explained, fidgeting with my fingers, refusing to look at her.

"Hafeezah," she sighed but when I didn't look at her even after that, she placed her hands on either side of my face and forced me to look up. "It's not too late."

I shrugged.

"Don't give up."

"I've been trying." She held my gaze.

"Hefeezah, I love you and I'll be damned if we don't both end up in Jannah together!" She stated, flicking my nose. Suddenly she broke out into a smile. "Do you remember when we were little and we were talking about Jannah with your Mum? When she told us that we can have anything we possibly wanted and you said that you're going to ask Allah (SWT) to make your house and all your surroundings out of jelly. Everything will wibble wobble and you can just jump around everywhere and eat everything in your path, even your house. Then when you've eaten it all, Allah (SWT) will just make it for you all over again."

I laughed "Why did I even like jelly that much? And you wanted a 15-foot-tall rabbit that will take you wherever you wanted to go and it was going to help me get to the roof of my house so I could eat that too."

"Why were we such weird kids?" she chuckled, slapping her thigh.

We continued to laugh until a snort came out of my throat, then laughed even harder until my phone rang again.

Eijaz's name flashed across my screen, which dampened my mood again.

"Answer it," Khadra prompted.

"I really don't want to," I moaned.

"It's okay, I'm here. Put it on loudspeaker and if he says anything annoying or upsetting, I will give him a piece of my mind," she encouraged.

I sighed in defeat, she was not going to let this go.